even after an evening of unloading all of my boxes into the empty new house, it still doesn't seem any more "real". it just hasn't hit me yet.

signs you're in love:

1- you dont get mad when someone calls your boxes upon boxes of treasured belongings "all of your crap"
2- when passing your new roommate with your hands full of heavy kitchen gear, he slaps you on the butt
3- every single time you pass him, he slaps you on the butt and despite yourself, you laugh
4- you think his obsessive need to pack every square inch of his car with boxes, bags, and loose items until literally bursting is kinda cute
5- you toast to your new house by 'clinking' pizza slices while sitting on the floor in an empty room- and you consider it romantic
we'll we're movin on uuuuuup!! (but not to the east side)

today we get the keys to the house where kevin and i will begin our married years. i have the distinct feeling that this whole transition is going to feel much more real very soon...


my mind is playing cruel tricks on me...

i had a dream last night that my mom called me to say how insightful and interesting my last blog posting was and we had a political conversation where she was actually not only agreeing with me, but commending me for being thoughtful about my beliefs.

i actually drove to the Y this morning thinking, "man that was awesome." until i realized it was a dream... dammit.

in other news, i'm temporarily walking like an 85-year old. i did spin class at lunch on tuesday and then my running class that night was a hill run and my calves have felt like they are bleeding and crying at the same time for over 24 hours. fun.


(this one's a little long winded, but it has great quotes in it)

i started reading c.s. lewis' mere christianity on my plane ride to seattle on tuesday. i'm about 2/3 of the way through and already i think i've underlined about half of the book. i read this portion today on my flight home and couldn't help but think of how applicable his political views are today, over 60 years later...

"how far aught christians try to force their views on marriage on the rest of the community by embodying them in divorce laws? a great many people seem to think that if you are a christian yourself you should try to make divorce difficult for everyone. i dont think that. churches should frankly recognize that the majority of the british people are not christians and, therefore, cannot be expected to live christian lives."

i can think of at least 3 or 4 current political topics that you could subsitute into that sentiment in place of divorce... man, c.s. lewis was a smartypants.

i also couldnt help but think of good old george w and his weapons of mass destruction hunt when i came across this section,

"the real test is this. suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. is one's first feeling, 'thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies are as bad as possible? if it is the second then it is, i am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. you see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. if we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black. finally we shall insist on seeing everything—God and our friends and ourselves included—as bad, and not be able to stop doing it: we shall be fixed for ever in a universe of pure hatred."

scary, huh?
90% of communication is body language.

or something like that, right? honestly, i have to say at this point i agree. it sounds a bit absurd when you first think about it - but after over a year of working side-by-side with people up here in washington over the phone, apple finally sprung for me to make the trip up to the pacific northwest.

i've had more fun with these guys and made more connections in the past 2 days than i had in the past 14 months with only voice on voice action. and in at least a small way, i'm hoping that all of this hand shaking and drink toasting will make my daily grind a little less grinding.


seattle is really far away from austin.

deep thoughts...


"you are not a beautiful or unique snowflake"
-tyler durden, fight club

"Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you. The mold in which a key is made would be a strange thing, if you had never seen a key: and the key itself a strange thing if you had never seen a lock. Your soul has a curious shape because it is a hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the divine substance, or a key to unlock one of the doors in the house with many mansions. For it is not humanity in the abstract that is to be saved, but you--you, the individual reader, Mollie Donovan. Blessed and fortunate creature, your eyes shall behold Him and not another's. All that you are, sins apart, is destined, if you will let God have His good way, to utter satisfaction.... God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it--made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."
-c.s. lewis, the problem of pain


its funny what will make you feel better...

i was dreading tonight. i had plans with friends to go out dancing and i was just not looking forward to it at all. after such a stressful week- i felt like i just wanted to go home and veg on the couch and have a quiet night to myself.

well i rallied and met up with the group for about 3 hours at tambaleo and i feel SO much better. we just laughed and danced and had a great time- it was exactly the medicine i needed.

if i'd stayed home i just would have been thinking about my week and all of the things i still have to do for this wedding- but instead i got a night really away from all of that.

sigh. thank goodness.


its been over three weeks since lent began- this lent has been a conscious effort to be aware of my life, my stresses, and the transition i am facing right now by abstaining from alcohol and beginning to commit to a weekly bible study.

so far so good? i am more stressed than i can remember being in a really long time. i am overwhelmed by how much i have to do and i dont know to manage my stress. i am truly learning a lot about myself right now and at the same time i'm exhausted and at my wit's end with this wedding.

lent countdown- 3 weeks
wedding countdown- 7 weeks