5.31.2011

love.

i love that kevin loves playing guitar for his girls (no matter how many times lily asks him to stop). i love that it calms annie more than anything other than nursing. i love watching my husband and his daughters.

5.25.2011

summer is off to a good start :)

5.20.2011

it is too bad she doesn't have any fun around here...


5.19.2011

i thought we had until 2012, but apparently the rapture is saturday? at least those mayans gave me an extra 7 months. saturday seems awfully soon. i'm not ready but really would i be any more ready 7 months from now? i'll probably be busy planning a first birthday party and be distracted by christmas.

i think it is safe to say that if i'm afraid of anything, its death. not the dying part, the judgement part. so really a rapture doesn't solve much for me since it isn't the dying so much as the answering for myself that i'd like to skip.

there is a super cheesy song whose lyrics describe that moment as 'Will I dance for you Jesus, Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence, Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja, Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine'. i will just say that i can't imagine that moment, clearly. but when i try to i pretty much see myself as a blubbering crazy person who is apologizing profusely for largely being an asshole.

the other day i was reading a NY Times article about an artist living in west texas and i showed kevin the pictures of the house he has built and the gadgets he has invented to do things like wash laundry by riding on a bicycle- kevin asked 'so you want to go live off the grid now?' i laughed, but thinking about it later i thought definitively 'no way'. the last thing i want or need is to be even MORE focused on myself and secluded from others. being a mom of 3 under 4 is isolating enough.

it is my community that is keeping me afloat, headed in the right direction for that final day. not the ending, but the beginning. my sister keeps me sane. my friends keep me laughing. my church small group keeps me connected. my husband keeps me from running away. (haha, kidding... sort of). my husband keeps me feeling loved.

my kids.... my kids. my kids keep me close to God by creating situations where i need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. often. God bless 'em.

here's hoping these crazy people are wrong about tomorrow (and i am quite sure they are) but if they are right, i hope to see you there- hold my hand if you can. if they are wrong, maybe i can be in a place in 7 months of less fear. and while we are planning a better december, here's to a small first birthday party and a christmas full of spirit, not of credit card bills.

5.17.2011

busy. busy busy busy. life as a gerbil on a wheel is about to get a bit more furiously fast since thursday is our last with the two big 'uns in school until next september *tears*

i'm not sure what we are going to do all summer but swim lessons are next week and hopefully we will be able to get in some quality pool time, cool off in the museums, and take a few fun trips. any suggestions or ideas to make the summer fly by are welcomed :)

5.14.2011

Annie is happy

i'm gonna miss this face and i'll only be gone for 24 hours.

5.08.2011

i'm afraid i just don't get it. when people jokingly warn you about the day your child realizes you are completely un-cool and asks you to drop them off around the corner and thinks your opinion is bunk. i just don't get it because i never went through that phase.

i held my mom's hand in public... in high school. i waited on the steps of school scanning every car with anticipation excited to see her when she picked me up. to this day not much time passes between me putting my head in her lap.

so i will choose to live in denial that my children could ever feel differently of me and be thankful for my mom who showed me that its possible to be both a mother and later a close friend without compromise.

i love you mom! happy mother's day.

5.03.2011

Eve's abc

a) i have no idea when/how she learned this. i take no credit.
b) a glimpse into the ADD of a 2 year old...

5.01.2011

dear genevieve,

you are two. the last twenty four months of my life have been spent reveling in you. you are generous with your love, live life to the fullest, and are my wonderful girl.

you are pure sweetness to the core, but laced with a devilish obstinance that is sure to surface more and more in the coming year. when you climb into my lap to cuddle my heart leaps. i can't get enough of your affection. you hold my face in your hands before you kiss me and it makes me melt a little each time.

you are smart as a whip and adore your sisters. the way you live life with gusto is enviable and reminds me to throw caution to the wind a bit more often. you go with the flow- a trait that is more appreciated by this crazed mom than you may ever know. this year you went from being the one that shook things up at our house to my stable rock i could count on amidst the chaos.

you are a messy messy eater and laugh as you put a single raspberry on each finger before yelling out 'razz hands!'. you repeat everything I say- even when I say 'echo!' which tends to make others laugh.

your favorite things are your mimi (bunny blanket), juice & oatmeal, cakes of any sort, and being loved. i am one lucky mama to have you in my life.

happy birthday sweetness.