well this triathlon training was bound to get me out on my bike before too long. poor thing has been hanging upside down in the garage since we moved here. so that is at least 4 years. i'm sure luna bar would love to know the bike they underwrote hasn't so much as seen the light of day in half a decade.

sweet kevin got my tubes ready, my chain lubed, and gave me back my helmet he's been borrowing so i knew it was time to hit the road.

i walked out this morning in cycling gear and lily said 'whose shoes are those?' i said, 'they're mine.' and she said, 'no really, whose are they?'

thanks for the vote of confidence, lil.

i won't lie, i've never been the biggest fan of clips (for you non-cyclists out there i'm talking about the fancy shoes that fit into your pedals). so i coasted down the street without clipping in while i mostly whimpered to myself about not wanting to do this and right about then my pandora busted out with a little katy perry 'shut up and put your money where your mouth is'. i chuckled to myself, clipped in and hit the highway.

in the process i realized several things. perhaps my crotch was made of an industrial strength steel before children because O.M.Geeee. that seat is not nice. not nice at all. also, what kind of badass did i take myself for having the 'girl' gears on my bike removed? yes, that's right, i had the easy gear taken off my bike supposing i'd never need it. i was wrong. i need it.

another perk of living and riding southwest is the roadside carnage. i passed three deceased deer, which is probably more than my father will see in all of deer season this year since he tends to favor naps in the blinds to killing things. i forgot how generally unpleasant that can be.

all in all, it was an exercise in familiarity and at least i have that first ride under my belt. there are many more to come and frankly i'm looking forward to feeling less like an idiot and more like an athlete again!


lily: mommy, did you wear a crown at your wedding?
me: no. i'm not really a crown person.
lily: i am. i'm a crown person.



four years ago at this very moment i was checking in to the hospital to have my first baby. i was a nervous nellie about so many things, terrified of the c-section i was heading for, worried about how i'd be as a mom, and really really anxious to just meet you already!

it was a rainy day and i had spent the last month or so swimming as much as possible to pass the hot july at 9 months pregnant. i waited all day long on pins and needles for my 5:30 surgery and just a few minutes past 5:30 i met you. i heard your cry and saw your face and i have never been the same.

you made me a mom. you are FOUR today. that means we have had roughly 1,400 days together. 1,400 good mornings, 1,400 good nights, and millions of kisses.

you are curious, LOUD, girly and determined. you have a little bit of attitude, but i secretly like that. your favorite color is pink. (dark pink to be specific) you are so interested in life and ask the best questions. you love love dressing like a princess and picking flowers. you ask me every day when spring is coming so that you can pick them on a daily basis again.

you love having long hair but hate having it brushed. your obsession with shoes (that you likely inherited from your dad or perhaps GaGa if it skips a generation) cracks me up. you often ask me to wear dresses or fancy shoes and i have to explain to you that mom just isn't that fancy :)

you love sharing your room with eve and get the biggest kick out of making your sisters laugh. you are truly becoming a little girl and are no longer my baby or toddler. i am so looking forward to this next year with you as we make our way towards FIVE.

happy birthday sweetness,


so i'm sure you've seen that book making its way around the interwebs... go the F*#% to sleep. right?

well that book pretty much is our day from 7-8:30pm. every. night. 'oh i need socks!' 'i need water!' 'i can't find blankie' and on...and on...

so i instituted a reward chart for lily and she earned a star every night she was quiet and non demanding after bedtime. she didn't have to go right to sleep, but couldn't wake eve up or ask for a million things.

her reward for earning five stars? 'fancy dinner' out with daddy! something she has actually been asking for since she saw him return home from a business trip wearing a suit.

she earned her fifth star this week so tonight was fancy dinner night!! she requested pancakes (her fav) and cake for dessert, so kevin took her to kerbey lane and they had a blast. he said she kept bouncing in her seat saying 'oh my gosh daddy! oh my gosh!! this is the BEST!'

here is a pic of them when heading out the door. she took one look at him and decided he needed a bowtie to be fancier :)

and man do they look alike or WHAT?!
lily had the most fabulous birthday party. we started celebrating probably around wednesday and her actual birthday isn't until this week, but you know four year olds. their birthday party IS their birthday. anything else is pretty confusing!

we had a very small luau in her honor yesterday complete with a poor man's homemade 'water slide' (and yes, i used water slide in quotes... trust me.) she had a blast and it was a perfectly sized get together and not overwhelming chaos. i'm a big fan of smaller parties!

after the party we all napped and went to the pool so lily and eve could show off their swimming skills to gaga & moon. i took lily on a little swim around the deep end of the pool telling her the story of the day she was born. she LOVED every minutes of it.

her cousins came over for a dinner of her favorite meal- pancakes! truly it was just a great celebration of our wonderful four year-old!

pictures (a LOT of them- you've been warned) are HERE


"Let’s go with Jesus. Not the gay-hating, war-making political tool of the Right, but the outcast, subversive, supreme adept who preferred the freaks and lepers and despised and doomed to the rich and powerful."

-john cusack, when asked who his hero was

i always knew i liked that guy. you keep holding that boombox over your head, john.


i just got my first zit in almost 5 years. i guess this means my hormones are back to 'normal' (that is, if there is a normal anymore).

could someone send a message to my ovaries and let them know no matter how hard they try, their job is done? there is no extra credit at this point. really, you can take an early retirement as far as i'm concerned.

so now instead of looking like a soccer mom with a three-kid-pooch, i look like that mixed with a 14 year old in puberty. good times, hormones. good times.


open letter to the swimmer in lane 5:

thanks for having a good attitude about me asking you to share your lane. i hate that moment when i walk up to the pool and every lane is taken by a single swimmer knowing everyone is pretending to not see me. while others avoided eye contact and did flip turns, you let me jump right in your lane.

now i won't pretend i didn't see you eye my lack of swim cap and my old navy halter style suit. i'm not sure why you prefer round-robin sharing instead of just splitting the lane. i took one look at your speedo two piece and practical cap and figured it wouldn't be long before i embarrassed myself. i know all too well the polite 'tap' on the foot of someone wanting to swim circles around you. i swam masters, i get it.

i'm training for my first triathlon in five years. there was a time in my life when i couldn't have imagined five months without a race and five years seemed an impossibility. but here i am five years and three kids later and i'm getting back in the lane.

i guess its a sign that you're a competitive person when you find yourself not stopping to de-fog your goggles or pin back your bangs just to keep up with a complete stranger in your lane. what i didn't expect was that it would be me waiting behind you and not vice versa.

just when i started to pat myself on the back for hanging with you for over 1000 meters, you hopped out, donned your oakleys and i got a glimpse of your ridiculous 6 pack and man-arms. which most likely means this was your cool down after some hard core 5 hour workout. oh well, at least my workout can keep up with your cool down.

and lastly, thank you. if you hadn't been in that lane i probably would have swam half as much, half as fast.



when annie is frustrated she squishes up her nose and sniffs loudly. i find it particularly endearing since my other children's response to frustration at nearly 7 months sounded more like screaming.

she usually does it when i've left her too long in her high chair without food, but recently started doing it reciprocally.


my eve found her inner fish this weekend. last year she was a daredevil at the pool. no fear. in fact i wished she had a little more healthy fear of water.

the start of this summer was rocky. she preferred to sit on the side of the pool with just her feet in the water. if you tried to even hold her in the water she'd shake like a leaf. i don't know where the fear came from but it seemed like it might overshadow the whole summer.

then we went to dallas.

she took one look at her cousins' pool and dove in headfirst- literally. i was a bit worried that coming home she would revert back to her scardey cat ways, but she probably went down the slide today 15 times in a row!

for a few fun pictures go HERE to see the cousins in action. it was a great visit!


No one else will ever know the strength of my LOVE for you.
After all, you're the only one that knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.

i stumbled across that quote on pinterest (what an addiction by the way, all beautiful things i will never have the time or money to create in my life, but i can appreciate them nonetheless)

i have to say the last few weeks were tough ones. some of my hardest as a mom and some of the most humbling. i have just begun to really dig and i am determined to do better. you know when you're watching super nanny and the kids are so horrendously behaved and all you can think is 'that is totally the parents' fault!'? i'm feeling lately like some of this hardship is more about me than it is about the kiddos.

i just bought the book 'how we love our kids' and in the first chapter read "Kids have a natural knack for revealing the things we like least about ourselves. Even shortcomings we’re completely unaware of, things we deny, things we’ve successfully hidden for years. All of them suddenly begin to parade around your neat little life when you have children."

welcome to motherhood - aka you still have a lot of work to do on yourself and those gaps you are still trying to fill affect your children more than you want to admit.

even just since buying the book yesterday and deciding to be more present things have been better. goodness knows there are just some days when you don't have the energy or patience to sit down with a child who is crying because you made their lunch 'hot dog art' in the shape of a butterfly when they wanted a flower, but thankfully there are days like today when i DO have the energy for it. let's just hope these are the days they remember :)