i was first introduced to brene brown when my friend bonnie sent me a link to a fabulous talk she gave at TED and i was intrigued.  i love the way she tells stories, paints a picture, makes you think.

i watched this video on her return to christianity this morning and it definitely made me laugh.  i love her perspective.


what i love most about this is how intelligent she is.  how critical and analytical her nature is as a researcher, but she still sees jesus the way that i do.  as a child.  with faith.

i hope beyond hope beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can be love to people.  that i am love to people.  this year has been harder than i expected so far.  i thought with annie's first year under our belts life would settle, but that was before i knew she was what we affectionately refer to as 'tank'.  aka: no obstacle can get in the way of what i want.  it is hard to feel like you're loving others when you don't have any time or energy to love yourself.

so today this has to be enough.  'may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer'.  i won't be serving the poor today.  i'm not in haiti.  i'm not at a shelter.  i'm a mom.  and i will have to do my best to love my kids the way i am called to.  and hope for them and pray for them.  and love.  


debbie downer alert.  consider yourself warned.

casey bubba has cancer.  that's right the one and only c-c-c-casey bubb bba (to the tune of la la la la bamba)

as much as i have let that poor animal get on my nerves in the last few years, i have had some good cries about his diagnosis.  i remember clearly telling my sister before i got pregnant with lily that i was genuinely concerned i could never love anything, including a human baby, as much as i loved casey.

now of course i see the humor in that statement seeing as the relationships are not as similar as i once anticipated.  but it does stand to show you how devoted and doting i was.  the day we met in 2003, he was still a mere 4 year old pup and we wrestled till my arms were covered in harmless scratches.  i'm not sure who enjoyed it more- me homesick for the boxer at my parents' house, or casey who was probably used to his dad's girlfriends giving his 90 pound self the side-eye.

i have always been a little sad to have missed out on his true puppy-hood, though the stories i have heard scare me enough to want to an adopt an adult of whatever pet we have next.  the sheer energy and destruction (he ate a sofa once.  the whole thing.) baffle the mind.

'bubba' was in the top 5 first words for all 3 girls.  he was their first best friend.  his face licks have made each of them squeal with delight.  his tolerance of their ear grabs and petting (that seems more like a gentle beating) has increased with his age and annie is hopelessly devoted to him.

we have told the girls that casey is sick and will not be with us too much longer.  lily declared in the car yesterday 'oh i know!!  bubba will just wait for us at the house that God is building in heaven!  he will be so happy to see us when we get there!'

aaaand tears.


as you may have picked up from posts, i am somewhat of an avid gym-goer.  and by avid i mean that i try to finagle a daily trip into our schedule one way or another.  it is my hour of babysitting, my hour of peace.  or is it?

i tend to gravitate towards the high impact cardio classes.  kickboxing and the like are my poison of choice.  however my need for quiet and a break from my kids' constant chatter has been filled lately with some of the most inane platitudes shouted at me from the front of the class.  i really don't know where the instructors come up with some of this stuff, but i feel compelled at times to either shout 'please be QUIET!' or 'i'm not a deathmatch competitor, EASE UP!'

i started taking stock of the completely silly things they call out during class last week and instead of being annoyed started a mental list to blog.  i'll start with my favorite...

"do you WANT it?  yes or YESSSS??!!"
(i mean i guess i DO want it, but i'm not a child.  i am quite sure 'no' is a viable option)
"we don't want to be SKINNY!  we want to be LEAN!"
(ummmmm.  skinny works for me too.)
"WHY are you HERE?!"
(last i checked i wanted an hour of 'free' babysitting)
"don't you know bathing suit season is HERE?!"
(why yes i do, hence my blouson mommy one piece)
"this is ONE HOUR and you have 168 this week- USE IT!"
(thank you very much, i will now spend the rest of class trying to do the math on how many of those hours i slept this week)


when we were in haiti the house we were building was around the corner from a terrible place.  a terrible no good awful, give you the creeps every time you drive past its walls sort of place.  it was an orphanage that was trafficking kids into slavery and mistreating the children in its care.

we got the amazing news this week that the orphanage was shut down!!  amen hallelujah and a million other fabulous exclamations :)  if you are able and interested, please consider giving to support the 23 babies and kids that were rescued and in need of pretty much everything.

you can read more about it on the HELP blog!

UPDATE!!!  head to THIS blog to see the kids and read more about them.  i can't believe these precious faces were on the other side of the wall we passed every day.  i wish i could have just hugged and loved them.

Chat with Annie

just a little chat with annie girl to remember her at 18months

love how she climbs onto my desk at the end. sooo annie.


from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.  the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him.  matthew 12:34

i'm feeling out of good things to say lately (poor ali had to hear an earful of it on the phone yesterday) and this was my first word to read this morning.  how timely of you, God.

i just wanted to send all you mamas a hug and say, i'm there with you.  i'm empty most days and i'm out of goodness when that third cup of water is already spilt on the ground at breakfast.  i'm bone dry by the time one of them whines at target about a little fancy doll i will not be purchasing for them.

its time for me to fill 'er up. there is so much goodness to be had and love to share and all i have to do is go to the source for a refill so that i have my own abundance to pour out.

kevin and i were lucky enough to get to go run errands and have dinner by ourselves yesterday.  i thought up a bunch of fun ideas of activities for us to do, but in the end all we really need is each other and quiet moments to be together.  i am acutely aware of how nice it is to have so much fun with my husband when doing something as boring as couch price shopping.

at dinner we talked about goals for our summer.  i talked some about wanting to work on strength at the gym.  i said something about schedules.  i didn't mention storing up good.  i'm glad to have been reminded this morning where my real strength comes from.