our first child was a terrible sleeper. had a suck sleep association which eventually led to wakings every 45min-1.5hours ALL NIGHT. ferber rocked our world in about 2 nights and since then she has slept ah-may-zing. she's nearly 4 and still sleeps great, takes naps, loves her bed.
my 2nd child was (and still is) an easy going dream. no sleep training necessary. i attributed this to my improved parenting skills ;)
then came annie. she's not a terrible sleeper. she was doing awesome there for a while- waking just once a night to nurse while sleeping 7:30pm-6am. then it all went to pot. for the past month she has been getting up about 4x a night. this doesn't work for several reasons which include the fact that i cannot be a zombie and work or take care of my children.
after a particularly hard week with very little sleep, we decided to reacquaint ourselves with dr. ferber and give it a shot. ONE night with ONE measly crying session that lasted less than 30 minutes (so really less than she has cried in the car at one time) was all it took. she woke up and cried out a few other times before going back to sleep. the 2nd night, she only nursed once. the third night, she only nursed once.
in fact, tonight i woke up at 3:30 to the sounds of her coo'ing in her bed. so we've gone from screaming bloody murder 4x a night to waking once while rolling around pleasantly. i'll consider that a success thankyouverymuch.
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.
