i wish my heart didn't ache when things change. i'm not good at 'rolling with the punches'. its just not my strong suit. i was just watching a video on youtube of lily laughing with me and saw that one of the videos i had uploaded was 5 months old. its a video of sweet lily at a picnic with me and erin ivey pointing to a cracker calling it a 'ckk ckk'.
how was that five months ago? how in five months has she gone from 'ckk ckk' to 'mommy, yellow crackers, please!'
my heart just aches. i wish i could stop time and soak in the life and breath of my children in this moment and be able to come back to them at this precise moment in time and enjoy them for who they are today.
i wish i didn't worry about things like keeping my house clean or emptying the dishwasher. i wish i could just revel in them endlessly.
i went for a run this morning and came back sweaty and tired and told kevin 'i feel like a person when i'm working out.' he replied with 'well you ARE a person.' and i said, 'no, i'm a MOM, working out makes me feel like a person!' i'm not sure he got it or that i explained it well at all, but in my quests to feel like a person, i hope being a mom is so intertwined with who i am that it never leaves me. not even for a second.