those of you reading the blog for a long time may remember my old tradition of jumping in barton springs every new year's day. well i missed last year (silly me being lazy with a 3 week old baby) and this year i decided to add an accomplice.

lily shrieked when i came into her room during naps to ask if she wanted to go swimming. she was on board immediately and donned her pink ruffled tutu suit within a minute flat. we drove to the springs and she was just plain giddy the whole way there.

we stood at the edge of the water for a minute or two and she threatened to jump in without me if i didn't get my act together and just JUMP ALREADY!

i let out a yelp and jumped in with both feet, came up howling a little and she jumped right in on top of me. when the cold water hit her, lily's initial reaction was to attempt to crawl on top of my head to get out of the water completely. needless to say, there were many people watching us and laughing behind their sunglasses.

after i got lily to relax she realized the water was about the same temperature as the air had been and she started having a blast. i told her she was now an elite member of the polar bear club and she called out 'this is AWESOME!'. a random bearded guy (keep austin weird, right?) yelled to her 'happy new year little pinkey!' she yelled back something that sounded like 'shing ying hao!' (i have no idea what this means or where she learned it.)

that is us, post dip. all in all, we got in about four times. lily would have swam all day if i had been up for it. but man it was COLD! she tried to guilt me into getting back in by saying my sister (auntie e) would have been in the water with her longer.


of course i shouldn't have expected any less from the girl who swam in the springs at 18 months old in january with her e and had this expression plastered on her face the whole time:




it was a gorgeous day today but a bit windy. after i coaxed her out of the water we sat in the sun getting warm again wrapped in towels. she crawled into my lap and i said 'happy new year lil' and she said 'happy new year mom. this was ten and one miles of fun!'

i'm pretty sure i'm not funny anymore. lately all my posts seem pretty serious and people stop commenting and interacting when you're not making them laugh.

well i can promise you we laugh a lot around here. heck if we weren't laughing we'd be crying, right? kevin commented in bed last night as we watched the ball drop (in new york. we were both well on our way to dreamland before it was midnight in our time zone) that 2011 was the hardest year he has ever experienced. with a newborn and the struggles of a newly born business, we both just did our best to keep afloat. it wasn't always easy.

in 2011 i yelled more than i wanted to, i wasted too much time, i squandered far too many precious moments worrying about something else. my youngest baby is a toddler now, her first year is behind her.

i'm not much of a resolutions girl. in fact i regularly lament from january to march about resolution gym-goers and how they take my spot in class just to disappear in a few weeks. bah-humbug much?! this year my resolutions are short but a tall order.

be intentional.
simplify.
focus.
enjoy.

that's it. do things for a reason. let other things fall away. find joy where i am.

happy 2012 to you and yours. may this be the best year any of us could imagine.

i am finishing up the year sick as a dog but the good news is, i actually finished up organizing my personal pictures from 2011! i uploaded the few pictures i took on christmas and our trip up to dallas to visit family.

here is our tree anxiously awaiting the little ones. each had three presents waiting for her!


i felt a little intimidated by the pictures on facebook of trees dwarfed by their stacks of presents but we stuck to our guns and the girls each got a scooter, a doll and a new pair of shoes! of course when we went to dallas the presents got a little out of control, but we are taking baby steps :)

you can see more of the pictures from our celebrations HERE

the gluttony of the past week and a half. i have no words to describe it. tonight i topped it off with queso (and guac) and ravioli with gorgonzola and walnuts covered in chipotle cream sauce accompanied by two frozen margaritas with salt*... i have left nothing on the table. i am spent. my body is already feeling sorry for these choices.

and yet my challenge starts in just 2 days. SEVEN. 7 foods for a month.

almond milk
bananas
berries
pasta
tomatoes
beans
cheese
reducing one area of my life (food) to make room for another. it is ON. let's see what happens.

and of course there is a bottle of prosecco chilling in the fridge for celebrating 2012 before any of this actually begins :)

* i had a designated driver, thanks ALI! :)

light one candle for peace. one bright candle for peace.

the last advent candle is lit. advent is over. advent means 'waiting on the arrival of something important'. that is putting it lightly, don't you think?

as we sang a mix of christmas carols and modern songs a few lyrics stuck out to me. i was actually crying, which frankly isn't unusual these days. my emotions seem to run high lately.

our journey of redemption begins with a baby born into the humblest of circumstances.

listening to the bible story of jesus' birth for the millionth time a new thing stood out to me today. it says 'But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.' oh who among us with a newborn hasn't spent time pondering things in her heart. running back over the way others love your baby and the little sweet moments of the day. i love to think of mary as a new first time mom enjoying the way her sweet baby smells and coo's and the adoring look on everyone's face meeting him for the first time.

he brings peace to every heart. he comes. he comes.

merry christmas eve eve. we have our church service tonight and i am excited! a few years ago the 23rd meant one thing and one thing only. donovan fiesta.

the fiesta was born on mockingbird lane in dallas and consisted of my mom's famous iced sugar cookies (and no, you have no idea how good an iced sugar cookie can be until you have had one. they are legendary), a margarita machine, asundry paper mexican flowers, and a crockpot full of queso. it was always a time to visit with friends in the middle of winter break from school and it was ALWAYS a good time.

so many great stories and memories stem from the fiesta. boys came and went, but my girls were always constant! from jill's accidental phone call on the way home to arlington to my mom developing the film from her camera weeks after the fiesta to find pictures of me puking into the toilet late night, fiesta stories never cease to entertain.

the fiesta is still dearly missed and remembered by all who experienced it. kevin is still a little sad he never got to come since its last year was just before we met. he said the other day we should start it back up again, austin edition. maybe in a few years if i'm feeling brave :)

until then, rip fiesta. we loved you!

for those of you that like to keep up with my photography business, i have a new facebook page! please head to www.facebook.com/bloomaustin and 'like' my page to keep up with the latest news and images :)

i just downloaded the new live album recorded at our church benefiting our orphanage in haiti (that we are visiting in february!) and am struck by the words in the first song that strike me every time i hear it at church.

'distribute what we have. that all may taste and see'

easier said than done, right? what does that mean for us? ever feel like we've been missing the point?

i can't make this stuff up, y'all.

i just turned the corner into our playroom and this is the sight i see:

yes that is mary (lily) and joseph (eve) and baby jesus (dora). after i took this and laughed pretty hard about it, they showed me their entrance to bethlehem on a donkey (rocking horse). in their version they mostly stumbled upon a baby and named it jesus. anyone want to school lily on childbirth? haha

lily is also talking in pseudo 'bible' talk saying things like 'and there were no toys in the inn for the baby to play with. and some were broughten to him by the three kings and all was perfect.' then her story really jumps the shark with a little 'and there were no cupcakes and the animals in the manger shared their cupcakes to celebrate the birthday'. goodness i love these girls.

i just rocked my baby to sleep. between 'hushhhh'es and singing there were some tears. mostly mine :) i hate that she has diaper rash right now, but i love that it meant she needed extra cuddles tonight.

sweet annie, you are one. my big one year-old girl. from the moment you took our family from an ellipses to an exclamation point i knew you were special. the joy you bring to everyone who crosses your path (save your sisters when trying to build a block tower that you are content to dismantle) is a blessing to be able to share with the world.

what an honor to have you as my daughter, my baby. i am also the youngest of three, my mom's baby. oh i never understood why she would pull me into her lap when i was over 5 feet tall and call me 'baby' and talk about how my bottom used to fit into the palm of her hand, but girl get ready for it. it is my turn.

your year has been a crazy one for this family and without you none of it would have been the same. our trip to the beach without your eyes of wonder? the christmas lights without your amazed stare? our late night guitar sessions without your bouncing dance? none of it would have been complete without annie.

you love dogs more than any other child we have had. you have finally (we hope) stopped spitting up 10x a day. you snuggle your doggy lovie blanket every night in your crib and you always ALWAYS wake up happy. you love fruit more than any other food and your first taste of cake at your party was a success.

thank you for my head 'bonks' every night. for your drooly giggly smile after you bonk me. thank you for your patience with your stretched thin mommy. thank you for loving your sisters and making it so easy for them to love you in return.

i love you annie.

as the father sent me, so i send you.
john 20:21

we are being sent. as matthew hansen said this morning at church, we need to be love to people who need love. it isn't a checklist. sitting around feeling like we are being good 'do'ers while forgetting its about 'be'ing isn't doing anyone any favors. i want to BE. i'm working on it.

things feel exciting but unsettled right now and i'm not so good at unsettled. i get what my sister and i refer to as 'the pit'. the pit is that feeling in your stomach when something just isn't right.

in the midst of other changes and the chaos that is life these days, my annie is turning one on tuesday. say it ain't so. the joy of my life is almost 365 days old. despite the craziness that having a third child has brought to our family (a friend once referred to the third child as 'sinking the family battleship')... i wouldn't trade susanna kathleen for the world. not for a single moment of peace and quiet. not for an easier trip to the grocery store. not for a hip suv instead of a minivan. nope. not a chance. she is ours, all ours and i thank God for her every step of the way.

lots of pictures to come this week hopefully!

the holidays are upon us and everything that drives me crazy internally all year long seems to come to a head during the month of december. my pastor's wife wrote a blog post about their approach to the holidays i found particularly inspiring and centered me on the issue.

and what strikes me about the approach is- it is an approach to life. year round. its not a special month of giving or a certain time of year to get involved in service. it is a lifestyle because that is who and what we are called to be.

this year i'm hoping to find little ways to change. small steps in the right direction. i honestly wanted to take a giant leap a few weeks ago but got paralyzed by the thoughts of the eye rolls when we told family we won't be doing gifts or the internal conflict of wanting my own traditions regardless of whether or not they really celebrate christ.

next year prepare yourself to give me a giant eye roll and i will prepare myself to not care what anyone else thinks.

30 days of thankfulness is complete. for posterity, here was the list :)

#30- i am thankful for the past month of focusing on gratitude and now i'm ready to celebrate jesus' birth!

#29- i am thankful that my girls and i apologize to each other. they know mommy isn't perfect and when i apologize to them, i'm thankful they always say 'mommy i forgive you'

#28- i'm thankful for christmas music that helps me get in the holiday mood when its a balmy 74 degrees outside

#27- i'm thankful for my in-laws. they are wonderful loving people that enjoy the heck out of my kids (and vice versa)

#26- i'm thankful for my kids' preschool. they love their teachers, i love two mornings a week to get things accomplished!

#25- i'm thankful for my family- my parents, my sister and brother and all they entail. what a blessing it has been to be a donovan.

#24- i'm thankful for fabulous pre-made thanksgiving foods that save me from slaving in the kitchen all day when only one of the 5 of us cares much for turkey.

#23- i'm thankful to be at a point physically where i look in the mirror and see a familiar person looking back at me.

#22- i'm thankful for the simplicity and intricacy of a child's mind. explaining something complicated to a child is a difficult and wonderful thing.

#21- i'm thankful i went to baylor and met the great friends that i have been so lucky to know for the past 15 years

#20- i'm thankful for austin new church. i really can't believe how lucky we are to be a part of something inspirational that is changing lives- including mine.

#19- i am thankful for cozy beds and a good night's sleep

#18- i am thankful for music and how it transports you. especially thankful right now for the holiday variety- i can't wait for a month of nostalgic christmas tunes!

#17- i am thankful for access to healthy, fresh, affordable food. our family eats such great vegetarian variety and we consider ourselves lucky.

#16- i am thankful for our amazing teachers at mother's day out preschool. seeing amazing teachers loving your kids and your kids so excited about school days is a blessing.

#15- i am thankful for parents that made my childhood so special and now dote on their grandkids

#14- i am thankful for the look of excitement on lily's face when i told her i will be helping in her class for the thanksgiving feast

#13- i am thankful that the hardest parts of being a parent serve to only make me stronger, more aware, and more compassionate. in hindsight, of course ;)

#12- i am thankful for my husband. i know i already said this earlier in the week but i am. its worth saying twice.

#11- i am thankful for late night calls from familiar voices

#10- i am thankful for neighbors that enjoy really living life together!

#9- i am thankful for my girls' cousins. i didn't get to grow up being super close to my extended family and watching their love of their cousins grow is such a joy.

#8- i am more thankful than i can say for the partnership of my amazing husband. the way he supports me, cheers me on, and loves me changes my life on a daily basis.

#7- i am thankful for the way little minds think. they make me laugh more times a day than i can count.

#6- i am thankful for nyquil. the stuffy head, i'm so freaking tired and this cough is keeping me awake medicine.

#5- i am thankful that my kids show me the best of who i am and the worst of who i am. it is humbling and inspiring all at once.

#4- i am thankful for the childcare workers at our gym. they have known my kids for 4 years and i cherish my active time knowing my littles are well looked after.

#3- i am thankful that just when i think i know what to expect, there is a bend in the road and life changes again. it keeps me on my toes and on my knees.

#2- i am thankful for moments of quiet. the less often they happen, the more precious they become.

#1- i am thankful for the cold air in my lungs waking me up during my morning run

i'm not a sports watcher. it would be a stretch to say that i have even really watched sports in the past few years. i watched bits and pieces of a few rangers games and watched some of the NBA playoffs last year. we watch next to no professional football. if asked i probably will have no idea who is playing in the super bowl and i don't care enough about commercials to watch for their sake. i often joke that if it weren't for facebook updates, i would have no idea when games are being played.

on the other hand, i love playing sports. we were pretty serious about it when i was a kid. i played pretty much any sport i was half interested in, and some i wasn't interested in at all. (my mom loves to reenact me as a 4 year old running down the soccer field feigning a stitch in my side trying to get the coach to take me out of the game). intramurals in college are still some of my favorite memories of all time.

every once in a while i start to wonder why i don't watch more sports... then i am reminded. i sat down this past weekend to watch the baylor v ou game at my parents' house. (they are definitely sports fans. my mom still checks in the paper every saturday to see if my old high school won their friday night football game).

within an hour i was anxious, screaming at the tv, convinced the bears were going to let me down like they have 4 gazillion times in the past. at one point i yelled so loud i was worried i might have woken up all 3 girls. then it hit me- this is why i don't watch sports. i can't handle it! i get WAY too invested and i am a terrible loser. so really i'm just saving myself and my family the trouble of having to deal with the insanity that would be me as a sports fan.

i will say, that was a great game and what a treat to get to see those boys so so proud of themselves after the win. i'm sure i'll get over my sports issues by the time the girls are in high school... right?

lily and i had a conversation at bedtime that went a little something like this...
i'm writing it down because i never want to forget these moments.

me: lily do you know why we celebrate christmas?
lily: because its happy!
me: what is happy?
lily: its happy birthday to jesus!
me: that's right!! its jesus' birthday! do you know why i think jesus' birthday is so important to celebrate?
lily: because it is happy?
me: it is! it is happy. do you know why jesus is so special to me?
lily: because he is good.
me: yes, he is good. he was an amazing teacher.
lily: he taught us to be nice and not lie.
me: you're right! he sure did. he was God's son. do you know why he was born?
lily: noooooo
me: because God wants to be close to you. and sometimes we do things like lie or don't share and jesus came to help us be close to God even when we aren't good.
lily: i was good today! i shared!
me: you sure did! you did a great job of sharing today. you were very nice.
lily: sharks aren't nice.
me: you're right, sharks aren't always nice.
lily: can we never go to the beach again? what if a shark eats me?
me: i will do my best to not let a shark eat you.
lily: can we pray now? let's tell jesus happy almost birthday.
me: yes. we can pray now. i love you lily. more than you'll ever know. let's pray.

what i love about this video is two-part. first, of course my sweet annie learning a new skill is always so exciting. second, the squealing high-pitched cheers of the proudest big sisters around. in case you can't tell their voices apart it goes a little like this:

lily: yay! she's standing all by herself now!
eve: yay, annie!!!
lily: oh annie!!!
eve: can she do it again daddy?!
lily: she can walk by herself mommy!

it is all fun and games until someone starts crying...

the rest of us quite enjoyed playing in the rain today :)

eve is a wild spirit. everyone that spends time with her at some point comments on how she has her own ideas about things- i like to say she has her own drummer and follows her own beat. (a very very slow beat, but that is another story alltogether).

she reminds me of.... me. i will have to ask my mom if her quirkiness is inherited from that young an age, but dad refers to me as the 'artsy fartsy' one so it comes from somewhere!

being different is something i cherish about all my kids- the things that make them unique are the things that make them who they are. it is so amazing to see each aspect of all 3 of them grow, change, and differentiate them from their peers and sisters. at the same time, as a kid being different can feel scary. at least it did to me. i definitely didn't always embrace the things that made me different.

choosing a unique voice from the pack has felt isolating to me in the past. i am sometimes afraid to say what i think or have a dissenting opinion because it does set you apart. and when you put your value in what others say or think about you, conforming is a pretty big deal. i didn't really want to be different.

lately that is changing for me. being set apart sounds... exciting. for the first time, choosing to do something different seems to be bonding me to people that really matter in my life instead of caring what 'the pack' thinks. i am anxious and excited for the upcoming year. i feel that life is changing and for once, that doesn't seem scary to me anymore. it seems invigorating.

my value isn't in what other people think and life is too short to put much stock in mass appeal :)

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.
- Edward Everett Hale

our day so far:

sometimes you need a little sweetness to get through the rest of the junk...

answered prayers can be a tricky thing. kevin and i are feeling moved, called, even pushed perhaps? ha.

we are taking the steps to head on our first mission trip in 2012. i will be doing some fundraisers on the bloom blog to raise the funds for us to go (about $4400 for the two of us).

it is all at once exciting & scary. like so many things in life, we have no idea where this might take us in the future, but we are open and answering 'yes' together.

30 days of thankfulness have started. i am going to try to add something i am thankful for to my sidebar over there -----------------> once a day during november.

happy halloween from my cat, bat, and witch! my birthday and halloween were fabulous and i hope you can say the same for you and yours.




more pictures from trick-or-treating HERE

this morning i stepped outside my comfort zone a little. at the gym i am most comfortable at kickboxing or running. every once in a while i wander into a weightlifting class, but that is about as crazy as i get.

until today. i headed into zumba and quickly scanned the faces around me to make sure there were no familiar faces (aka no one i know to make fun of my moves later). i was in the second row behind a group of 5 college girls wearing UT t-shirts. i predicted that they were lapsed drill team types and i would be shamed by their skills... i was wrong.

the class starts and there is no explanation of what to do. everyone in the class already knows the moves so i was just laughing a little at myself and following along as best i could. it was actually really fun, but admittedly not the best workout. so we get going and i immediately felt like drew barrymore in 'never been kissed'. i was this dorky older woman acting like an idiot with about 10x more enthusiasm than the college girls in front of me.

is this the new 'thing' for college girls? acting like nothing is exciting and you're not really trying to do anything? i swear i burn more calories reading than these girls did in zumba barely shuffling their feet. it was so strange! heck we even did the cabbage patch at one point and i almost told them to step aside, i was around when the cabbage patch was cool!

i think it is safe to say my girls would never fit in with this crowd. they can't even pretend to not get excited about just about anything. let's hope that never changes!

and for a taste of how idiotic i looked, here is one of the dances from today- straight from the teacher's youtube channel. haha!

these girls crack me up. my favorite part is when lily says 'this one's kinda tricky...'

break my heart for what breaks yours.

perhaps you heard this week about the horrific injustice experienced by a toddler in china passed by over and over again in the street while dying. if you haven't, i don't suggest you look into it. i unfortunately read and watched the entire thing in disbelief and it got me down. to be honest, i was already a little down that day and it kinda threw me over the edge.

my sadness over the brokenness of our souls is hardly newsworthy but it has stuck with me this week.

fast forward to sunday morning. the leader of 'HELP' spoke about our initiatives in Haiti and showed lots of pictures to celebrate what has been done but also to talk about the need. the pervasive need just swallows me and paralyzes me and i found myself crying.

break my heart for what breaks yours.

we talked about the good samaritan. i would usually think 'yeah yeah, i know that story' but it hit me as he read luke 10 and i jotted down for kevin to read 'that toddler' and he nodded and whispered 'i just thought the same thing'. and so i just sat and cried.

i don't have a pretty package to wrap this up with a bow. i don't know what any of this means. my heart is broken and its breaking and i don't know what i can do or what God wants me to do. i just don't want to feel paralyzed by it anymore.

the first small step is our second annual garage sale for orphans next sunday, 30th. if you're in austin and have anything to donate, please email me. here is a picture of the home last year's donations were able to provide for over 30 of our sponsored orphans in haiti:

“Sometimes I would like to ask God why he allows poverty, suffering and injustice when he could do something about it. But I'm afraid he might as me the same question."

eve muttered to me something that sounded like "blah de blah blah friendship".

i asked 'what sweetheart??' and her response was "blah blah blah de friendship".

i said "eve, i dont understand."

she said slowly (for those of us clearly delayed to catch on) "frieeeeeeend shiiiiiiiip. you know, when you love someone and they love you back. and sharing."

lily responded "oh eve, you don't just share with your friends. you are supposed to share with everyone, even if they aren't your friends."

and i just sat there wondering when and why life ever gets more complicated than that.

life has turned to pure crazy. fall is upon us, my sweet baby turns 1 in less than two months, and i truly feel like i'm losing a bit of my sanity by the day.

this month alone i have already shot 22 families and have 6 more to go. my type a ridiculousness as it relates to work (in its completely limited capacity) means i am currently up to date on editing all of those sessions. which in turn means i could likely fall asleep this very instant...

it is encouraging to have so many people trusting me with the important job of taking their portraits, but discouraging to feel like you are not doing the best job at home during this busy season. i see others around me succeeding, failing, seeking and i am so frozen in place making sure none of the balls i have in the air fall- i can't even reach out to help them.

i've cried some tears this month. they were the first i have cried in really quite a long time. so long, i actually couldn't remember the last time i cried when someone asked me recently. heck, i cried some tears today!

all this to say, my apologies if it is quiet around here for a bit. just trying to keep the objects of my life that are in motion from colliding.

four. i was promised a magical wonderful child the moment they leave the 3's behind. for a while i wasn't convinced. lately? i have to say i think i fall deeper in love with my four year-old every day.

we still have our hard days, don't get me wrong. but all in all, four has been so much fun.

Lily cuddles, she loves, she draws, she storytells, she climbs, she NAPS!, she is the best version of herself.

it is so interesting to me that the response i get from nearly everyone when they meet my kids and realize how close in age they are is one part 'what were you thinking' and one part 'are you doing ok?'. so far, yes it is a little crazy, but at the same time, i get to experience so many stages of baby and toddlerdom all at once.

at least that is me looking on the bright side today, you may need to remind me of this tomorrow.

so you know how important 'mimi' the bunny blanket is to eve, right? well a few weeks ago she left mimi at e's house under the watchful *achem* eye of her daddy.

we were mimi-less. i predicted a total breakdown. thankfully kevin talked eve into believing annie wanted her to sleep with one of her lovies instead. i got home shortly after and dug up the spare mimi and crisis was averted.

in the two days mimi spent at e's house we got the following sequence of pictures chronicling her brief visit. eve absolutely loved seeing what mimi was up to until they were reunited...

relaxing with tv and a brew after a long day

brushing her teeth

sleeping on a nap mat

playing on pinterest

working out on mike's bike

running errands

listening to a podcast

another late night beer

just when you think no one is listening to you...

it was bedtime tonight and i was tucking eve in and said goodnight when she dropped the bomb. 'mommy can you read me a story about jesus?'. for real? who can say 'no' to that??

i got in bed with her and i was reading eve the sermon on the mount when she interrupted me with randomness at least 3 times. i finally told her if she wasn't going to listen i would just say goodnight. she quieted down and i kept on reading. i was pretty sure she was falling asleep or zoned out when i said "consider the lilies of the field" and she yelled out "LILY!!! read that part again!!"

goodness i love that girl.

excuse the terrible quality, my sister sent this to my phone and i saved it from there. my favorite part is 'mahna mahna' of course, but followed closely by how they both tilt their heads at the end.

a week ago we had our annual college girls reunion- now affectionately dubbed 'moms gone mild'. it was all kinds of awesome. eleven of us in total, we laughed, we cried, we laughed some more.

two days with no kids, no husbands, no distractions. just us talking about old stories and sharing new ones. it really is a gift to have time for us to reconnect and remember that no matter what life throws our way we have each other. these are the kind of friends that you might not be able to talk to for months at a time and when you do, it is as though no time has passed.

most of the weekend one or more of us looked like this at any given time:



i left the weekend feeling refreshed, like myself, and actually looking forward to seeing my littles and kevin. when i walked in the door and eve saw me, she reached her arms out and clasped her fists over and over as though to say 'let me get a hold of you!' it was a great feeling!

to my sweet friends- thank you. i love you.

i am feeling intensely and directly blessed. kevin and i were talking the other day and i cautiously said to him that i feel really happy. i'm not talking about joy. i'm talking about happiness. meaning it has everything to do with circumstances and it is really amazing.

we have found a real church home. we have been lucky enough to find not only friends, but community within that church home. people that care about each other, choose to connect every single week to support each other, and have a fabulous time laughing about life together.

there is something amazing about that. it means that when the storms do come and the happiness isn't hanging around our house, there are people who have chosen to invest themselves in our family and will be there for us and with us. people who love my kids. people who pray for my husband.

i have noticed lately that annie is at a bit of a loss when her crazy sisters aren't around. she is a social being. her days are filled with their laughter and tears and in the absence of those sounds, she isn't really sure what to do with herself. that was me- i had two crazy siblings very close in age running circles around me while i learned to crawl. i had a sister dragging me from room to room before i could walk to change my clothes.

my mom tells stories of me reaching my arms up to her, my eyes begging for some peace and quiet. she used to put me in my crib with the radio on and i was content to lay and listen. it was my break from the chaos. i still need those quiet alone moments, but like annie i need the companionship of community to really thrive.

i feel so blessed to have found just that in our little area of south austin. i am thankful.

today's post brought to you by the letter M.

m for mollie. or as my nieces say 'mahna'. we have no idea how mollie translates to 'mahna' for them, but when they are being particularly demanding they like to repeat my name and say 'mahna mahna!' which of course naturally led itself to the muppets...

so ruby and tess, i couldn't love you more. mahna mahna loves you!

september 13th is my big brother AND my college roommate's birthday. in honor of those two wonderful people, i wanted to send them each a cute video of the girls singing the birthday song. i sat them down before bed to make a quick clip and this is what i got.

happy freakin birthday.



i love how angelic she looks right up until eve calls custard the kitty 'my kitty'. thankfully we did a little better on the second take for my brother. seeing as this is pretty much classic eve, i decided it was the winner and just went with her crazy self.

i did it! i finished the triathlon on monday in under two hours and with a smile on my face.

i was having fun just being in the race atmosphere. chatting with others in my age group beforehand, getting everyone cheering in the water before the gun, encouraging others when you pass on the bike- it really felt awesome.

once my legs hit the ground i started really looking for my family. i couldn't wait to see lily and kevin. as i turned the first corner on the run i saw not only lily and kevin, but my sweet eve as well. it was such a surprise to see her and hearing lily's voice cheering so loud just choked me up. i was glad to have sunglasses on to hide the tears, but i kept on running!

finishing felt great and sharing it with kevin and my girls felt beyond amazing. they have already decided mommy should do another race next year :)

happy (almost) labor day! i will be celebrating by torturing myself with a triathlon and recovering solo while kevin heads on an afternoon business trip. perhaps you are now saying to yourself 'what was she thinking?'. i assure you that you are not alone in those thoughts.

in a surprising turn of events the forecasted high for the day is an entire 20 degrees cooler than just last week. can i get an 'amen'??

after telling lily about the race that i'm doing i have been barraged by questions such as 'who is going to say 'ready, set, go'? and 'are you going to win?' and of course 'why aren't you going to win?'

i'm excited that kevin and lily will be there to see me huff and puff my way across the finish line. almost so much so that it eclipses my annoyance about being photographed in spandex.

i'll report back after the race. wish me luck!

sometimes listening to her talk is like watching her mind work. and eve is a girl after my own heart at the end...

lily just absolutely adored everything about dance class. the outfits, the shoes, the 'ballet buns' in her hair. she went over the moon when we walked in and one of her first friends was in her class!!

(click on the picture to see it bigger!)

lily's first day of dance class is today! she is very excited!!

i'm a beach person, kevin is a mountain person. i am not kidding when i say this is a serious point of contention in our relationship. he wants to ski, i want sand between my toes. i inherited this love of all things ocean from my mother. hopefully its a dominant gene and the whole 'freeze your A off in the snow' is recessive.

this year, the scales tipped in my favor and we headed to south padre island with his family. you can see a bajillion pictures from our week HERE.

i saw a quote on pinterest yesterday that immediately rang true...

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea."

isak dineson

mimi is the 6th member of our family. she pretty much goes everywhere eve goes. no matter how i try to limit mimi to the bedroom, she makes her way into our day- everyday. when eve falls down the first thing she cries after 'mommy' is 'miiii miiiii!' second only to having her fingers in her mouth, this darn bunny has brought my sweet eve so much comfort in the past two years and for that i am eternally grateful.

i have gone so far as to stalk ebay for mimi backups and paid a ridiculous sum for the security of a spare bunny. hey, a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do to keep the peace!

eve handed me her treasured bunny today and asked me 'you take mimi's picshure?' yes eve, i take mimi's picshure.

laundry. its a hate-hate relationship.

so far i have two girls that insist on wearing dresses. its all dresses all the time around here. i don't know if eve is just picking this up from lily or if i drew the short straw twice. (please oh PLEASE not three times!!)

so apart from refusing to wear their perfectly good shorts, skirts, shirts, and tanks- those unworn clothes somehow make their way into the laundry during early morning drawer rummaging or closet raiding. so i still somehow wash these clothes. and apart from washing i have to then fold, transport, and put them away. can you tell its pissing me off?

in addition to the manual labor, its the attitude portion of the clothing experience that is equally maddening. the sense of entitlement and preference, man oh man. remember when your mom said stuff like 'there are starving children in africa that would love to eat your broccoli'? that's pretty much me, except swap 'naked' for starving and 'eat your broccoli' with wear that outfit.

basically i'm going minimalist on their wardrobes. its about to be rationing- the likes not seen outside the soviet union. five dresses. laundry done twice a week. shorts/shirts on loan when the activity requires, to be returned and laundered promptly.

if this doesn't work i'm going to resort to uniforms. and i'm only halfway kidding.

we're back.

back from the beach. back to life. back for a meeting at church about big changes. i can feel it. something is happening in our family.

i prayed a prayer that scared me the other day. letting go of control (or the illusion of such) is not in my repertoire. because i trust, because i want to learn to trust i will continue to pray it. the prayer that scared me.

god, move my family. move in us. change us. amen.

Annie crawls

don't you love my classy baby learning how to crawl on a pool table? she has mad skills already

act like you're asleep!!

i have no idea when this phenomenon started in my family, but we thought it was hiLARious when we were growing up. no matter what was going on if someone else entered the house or the room one of us would whisper 'act like you're asleep!' and we'd all stop what we were doing and pretend to snooze.

it was the moments before the person realized you were all feigning sleep, trying to hold in your chuckles, that were the best. it started when we were younger but we still do it sometimes as adults.

yesterday lily was looking for me calling out my name and i was laying down with eve and kevin. i said 'act like you're asleep!' we all dropped our heads and our eyes and when lily found us and said 'heyyyy! you're not asleep!' we all giggled out of control.

really, its the little things in life that make me happy.

today i spent more time with lily than i have in a long time- just with lily. if you had asked me in the past week if a full day with lil sounded relaxing i would have died laughing. but you know what? i had the best day. best day in a long time.

we started the day sleeping together (eve wasn't feeling so hot so i took lil to bed with me at 4:45). when you wake up with lily you wake up EARLY. i took advantage of that by taking her out for her 4 year photo shoot and we celebrated our success with a trip to the doughnut shop.

then my sister and i took lily to barton springs during 'nap time' for the littler kiddos. she was in hog heaven. i mean she was in her element completely and loving it. we swam, she jumped like a fish into that glorious 65 degree water, and we laid in the shade.

while erin and i were chatting she was dancing around behind us talking to herself, singing a bit, telling a story to no one in particular. so much so that when we got up to leave a big group of twenty somethings behind us broke out into spontaneous applause for their entertainment. i told lily they were clapping for her and that she should bow and she immediately struck a pose only lily could come up with that was half bow, half 'ta-daaaaa!'.

goodness i love that girl. i couldn't be more thankful for days like today. tomorrow we have another fun lily and mom outing planned- a princess train ride. lord be with us, i hope its a repeat of today's fun!

she will show me forgiveness.

lily has a very strong personality (like her mom) which of course means we butt heads from time to time. okay, maybe its more often than i'd like. she challenges me like no other. just like any refining process, it can be pretty painful. the one thing she wants after a disagreement or difficult interaction? love and cuddles. she will show me forgiveness.

she will slow me down.

eve's nickname from time to time is 'lollygag central'. eve scoffs at instant rice and thinks shortcuts are for losers. she prefers to take the scenic view in life, which is good and well when you have the time but can seriously grate on your nerves. trying to get all 3 kids anywhere on time (because god forbid we be late) tends to turn into a lot of 'hurry up girls' and eve reminds me life isn't all about 'hurry up'. she will slow me down.

she will teach me joy.

everywhere we go, everyone we meet has one thing to say about annie (well after they admire her lovely hairdo)...'what a HAPPY baby'. annie is just plain happy. from the moment she wakes up to the last yawn, she is reveling in connections and the wonder of life. spit up on yourself? no worries- just play with the spit up! she has already helped me perk up in the midst of many less than stellar moments. she will teach me joy.

i have a lot to learn. thankfully i have three willing and able teachers with me every day.