so on a wild hair i thought i'd pull a jimmy kimmel on lily... she let her sweet spirit shine straight through my shenanigans.
11.01.2012
10.25.2012
10.12.2012
returning from haiti a second time, my heart is quiet. the ocean expanse closes and our plane is pulling closer to florida, closer to america, closer.
closer to my family, my loves, and farther from my passion and my heartache. farther from what feels like a purpose. a calling. abandoned girls calling my name. calling for love. calling for a mother, while my children at home are calling for their mommy to return. i close my eyes and above the drone of the plane engine i can hear the songs of the little voices at yaveh shamma orphanage.
i hold their angel faces in my hands and plead for them to see their strength and beauty. beg for them to see their lives as a chance at real growth and change. they look at me and see a mother and everything they long for. they see loving eyes and hands that comfort.
we both see the best parts of one another. we both hope dangerously. recklessly.
faith the size of a mustard seed moves a mountain. this is no mole hill. it feels like the change in haiti would be moving an entire mountain range.
instead of backing up at the sight of what seems to be insurmountable odds, let's pickup the first pebble and move it. we cannot change a population. we must first educate a child, who empowers a community, who inspires a region, that shifts a culture. and maybe, just maybe that pebble can start an avalanche.
closer to my family, my loves, and farther from my passion and my heartache. farther from what feels like a purpose. a calling. abandoned girls calling my name. calling for love. calling for a mother, while my children at home are calling for their mommy to return. i close my eyes and above the drone of the plane engine i can hear the songs of the little voices at yaveh shamma orphanage.
i hold their angel faces in my hands and plead for them to see their strength and beauty. beg for them to see their lives as a chance at real growth and change. they look at me and see a mother and everything they long for. they see loving eyes and hands that comfort.
we both see the best parts of one another. we both hope dangerously. recklessly.
faith the size of a mustard seed moves a mountain. this is no mole hill. it feels like the change in haiti would be moving an entire mountain range.
instead of backing up at the sight of what seems to be insurmountable odds, let's pickup the first pebble and move it. we cannot change a population. we must first educate a child, who empowers a community, who inspires a region, that shifts a culture. and maybe, just maybe that pebble can start an avalanche.
10.04.2012
9.25.2012
9.20.2012
eve is in a codependent relationship with two fingers on her left hand. it is simultaneously adorable and disgusting. she will literally pet livestock moments before shoving those things back into her mouth. but gosh she looks awfully cute.
the dentist as well as other health professionals have recommended we assist her in ending this habit. it is just SO EVE that i haven't had the heart to break her of it. i do ask her to take the fingers out from time to time but they are subconsciously re-inserted within minutes.
enter that yucky tasting nail polish my mother put on my nails to help me stop biting them. my memories of the stuff is mainly how it used to make my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches taste rancid. i've had a bottle of it on the counter for a week and just couldn't bring myself to use it until this morning.
eve hasn't sucked on her fingers all day! i wasn't sure if i believed her but i haven't seen her do it. i asked her if they tasted like a skunk and she said 'i don't know! i haven't tasted them!' so in my disbelief i licked her fingernail. HOLY MISTAKE. that stuff is just as nasty as i remembered.
so here is sweet eve doing a mime of her finger sucking to satiate her desire for now. we'll see how it goes at bedtime!
the dentist as well as other health professionals have recommended we assist her in ending this habit. it is just SO EVE that i haven't had the heart to break her of it. i do ask her to take the fingers out from time to time but they are subconsciously re-inserted within minutes.
enter that yucky tasting nail polish my mother put on my nails to help me stop biting them. my memories of the stuff is mainly how it used to make my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches taste rancid. i've had a bottle of it on the counter for a week and just couldn't bring myself to use it until this morning.
eve hasn't sucked on her fingers all day! i wasn't sure if i believed her but i haven't seen her do it. i asked her if they tasted like a skunk and she said 'i don't know! i haven't tasted them!' so in my disbelief i licked her fingernail. HOLY MISTAKE. that stuff is just as nasty as i remembered.
so here is sweet eve doing a mime of her finger sucking to satiate her desire for now. we'll see how it goes at bedtime!
9.15.2012
annie likes to push limits, ignore reprimand, and chart her own path. in other words, she is the 3rd child. kevin and i have unique appreciation for her personality seeing as we are both also the youngest of 3 kids and perhaps have a little in common with annie.
today in one of her less glamorous acts of defiance, she pretended to not hear kevin's warnings to beware of the front flower bed and marched decidedly into a cactus. now if this was my first rodeo i'd probably convince myself that this experience will perhaps encourage her to heed our advice more often in the future, but i would be fooling myself.
as it is, i tried to remind her we have her best interest in mind as i used tweezers to pull out each cactus tine from her baby skin. sweet annie. i know this is not the last time you will get hurt when the danger seems to clear to us in advance. being a parent is tough stuff.
today in one of her less glamorous acts of defiance, she pretended to not hear kevin's warnings to beware of the front flower bed and marched decidedly into a cactus. now if this was my first rodeo i'd probably convince myself that this experience will perhaps encourage her to heed our advice more often in the future, but i would be fooling myself.
as it is, i tried to remind her we have her best interest in mind as i used tweezers to pull out each cactus tine from her baby skin. sweet annie. i know this is not the last time you will get hurt when the danger seems to clear to us in advance. being a parent is tough stuff.
9.06.2012
when we returned from our first haiti trip i had such a hard time putting it into words. the obligation i felt to bring the experiences and interactions to life gave me a major case of writer's block. i just couldn't do it. i am so happy to take this group of story tellers back and give people the gift of their words.
8.29.2012
8.28.2012
8.21.2012
we packed into the minivan this afternoon and headed to a discount store in search of back-to-school shoes. the girls are in sandals and stinky worn-out toms most days. we went to find closed toed shoes that wouldn't make their teachers want to banish them to playground and it was a success!
i was surprised at lily's choices. not by the bling bling, light up shoes i immediately nixed, but at the sensible platinum gray ballet flats she chose to go with her blue and silver nikes. (i told them to pick a pair to run in and a pair to wear with dresses) she passed up the pink glittery ones and the flower adorned ones in most mature fashion.
eve however went for the sweetest raspberry pink pair with flowers to accompany her purple accented nikes. i can still count on her 3 year-old taste at least!
lily and eve wanted to wear a new pair out of the store so the clerk took the stickers off the bottoms and clipped the elastic bands to separate the shoes. annie took one look at the girls putting on their new shoes and in disgust at being relegated to hand-me-downs yet again she asked 'shoes? shoes?' as she took off her third-hand crocs. i handed her lily's worn in pink toms and said 'sure annie! you can wear these!' she looked at me with a horrified look on her face and said 'no! SHOES!!'
kevin and i laughed and hugged her. we hadn't figured she was astute enough to be upset about it, but being third kids ourselves we know how it feels. it was pretty darn adorable.
and thank goodness for discount stores. holy heck i don't want to imagine what four pairs of shoes at the mall would have cost!
addition:
it was brought to my attention by a friend that this sounded awfully mean for sweet annie. i would like to add that she has several almost new looking shoes from her sisters that just started fitting that she will sport this fall. if i had been a prepared mama i would have stashed a pair in my purse to give her at the shoe store but i plum didn't think about it. next time!!
i was surprised at lily's choices. not by the bling bling, light up shoes i immediately nixed, but at the sensible platinum gray ballet flats she chose to go with her blue and silver nikes. (i told them to pick a pair to run in and a pair to wear with dresses) she passed up the pink glittery ones and the flower adorned ones in most mature fashion.
eve however went for the sweetest raspberry pink pair with flowers to accompany her purple accented nikes. i can still count on her 3 year-old taste at least!
lily and eve wanted to wear a new pair out of the store so the clerk took the stickers off the bottoms and clipped the elastic bands to separate the shoes. annie took one look at the girls putting on their new shoes and in disgust at being relegated to hand-me-downs yet again she asked 'shoes? shoes?' as she took off her third-hand crocs. i handed her lily's worn in pink toms and said 'sure annie! you can wear these!' she looked at me with a horrified look on her face and said 'no! SHOES!!'
kevin and i laughed and hugged her. we hadn't figured she was astute enough to be upset about it, but being third kids ourselves we know how it feels. it was pretty darn adorable.
and thank goodness for discount stores. holy heck i don't want to imagine what four pairs of shoes at the mall would have cost!
addition:
it was brought to my attention by a friend that this sounded awfully mean for sweet annie. i would like to add that she has several almost new looking shoes from her sisters that just started fitting that she will sport this fall. if i had been a prepared mama i would have stashed a pair in my purse to give her at the shoe store but i plum didn't think about it. next time!!
8.18.2012
8.15.2012
how many times in the past few years have i felt put out or annoyed by our dog, eating the girls' food or digging a diaper out of the trash? how many times have i shoo'ed him away from the dinner table with annoyance in my voice? if i'm honest, it was more than i can remember.
but he was our casey bubba. our sweet dog that i once waxed poetic about on the blog before three certain little girls took over our lives. the boy that i once in confidence confessed to my sister that i was afraid i wouldn't be able to love a child as much as i loved him. and i meant it.
i loved him so much that when pressed to find the perfect gift for me, my sister had a painting of him done. and it has hung proudly in my home ever since. i loved him so much that i slept on the laundry room floor next to him the night of his knee surgery knowing he couldn't make it up the stairs to our room. i loved him so much that i would take him on walks to meet up with kevin as he finished bike rides just to see casey's tail wiggle with delight at the sight of his best friend.
he loved me so much he tolerated my three little girls that loved him and tormented him in turn. he loved me so much that he pretended not to notice when they took more and more of my attention and he got less. he loved me so much that he licked the salty tears off my face- more than once. i wish he was here to lick my tears one last time. i seem to have unending supply today.
the girls threw him a 'goodbye bubba' party at lunch. complete with cheeseburgers, tres leches cake, and several renditions of 'for he's a jolly good fellow', it was a fitting tribute. i'm not sure kevin and i were ready to say goodbye. we went together to the vet. we fed him treats. we held him tight.
when the end came i wailed. like a child i just couldn't control myself and i shouted. i wanted to take back the past few years and see him as a young spry fellow again and enjoy him. i found myself repeating 'i'm so sorry bubba. i'm so sorry. thank you'. then when faced with the inevitability of them taking him away i buried my face in the soft folds of his neck fur and just breathed in.
i miss him. i know it will get better with time and the sadness in my husband's eyes will soften. but he will be missed. that part will not change.
but he was our casey bubba. our sweet dog that i once waxed poetic about on the blog before three certain little girls took over our lives. the boy that i once in confidence confessed to my sister that i was afraid i wouldn't be able to love a child as much as i loved him. and i meant it.
i loved him so much that when pressed to find the perfect gift for me, my sister had a painting of him done. and it has hung proudly in my home ever since. i loved him so much that i slept on the laundry room floor next to him the night of his knee surgery knowing he couldn't make it up the stairs to our room. i loved him so much that i would take him on walks to meet up with kevin as he finished bike rides just to see casey's tail wiggle with delight at the sight of his best friend.
he loved me so much he tolerated my three little girls that loved him and tormented him in turn. he loved me so much that he pretended not to notice when they took more and more of my attention and he got less. he loved me so much that he licked the salty tears off my face- more than once. i wish he was here to lick my tears one last time. i seem to have unending supply today.
the girls threw him a 'goodbye bubba' party at lunch. complete with cheeseburgers, tres leches cake, and several renditions of 'for he's a jolly good fellow', it was a fitting tribute. i'm not sure kevin and i were ready to say goodbye. we went together to the vet. we fed him treats. we held him tight.
when the end came i wailed. like a child i just couldn't control myself and i shouted. i wanted to take back the past few years and see him as a young spry fellow again and enjoy him. i found myself repeating 'i'm so sorry bubba. i'm so sorry. thank you'. then when faced with the inevitability of them taking him away i buried my face in the soft folds of his neck fur and just breathed in.
i miss him. i know it will get better with time and the sadness in my husband's eyes will soften. but he will be missed. that part will not change.
8.12.2012
okay y'all. i need to update the blog header. i am in denial. those sweet baby faces have changed so much!
kevin took the girls out of town for the weekend and i have had sweet sweet silence (with the exception of casey's rather loud snoring). i got a haircut (a much much needed haircut), i met friends for happy hour, i ventured downtown with my fabulous friend brenda and met some new people. i worked a little and now i'm thinking about heading to barton springs.
really a girl could get used to this.
i miss my little ones- i will be crazy excited to see them when they get home. but really i have cherished this quiet time more than i thought i would. here's hoping kevin loved his weekend alone with the girls enough to do it again.
it is true what they say, the days are long but the years are short. except when your kids are out of town. then the days are short ;)
kevin took the girls out of town for the weekend and i have had sweet sweet silence (with the exception of casey's rather loud snoring). i got a haircut (a much much needed haircut), i met friends for happy hour, i ventured downtown with my fabulous friend brenda and met some new people. i worked a little and now i'm thinking about heading to barton springs.
really a girl could get used to this.
i miss my little ones- i will be crazy excited to see them when they get home. but really i have cherished this quiet time more than i thought i would. here's hoping kevin loved his weekend alone with the girls enough to do it again.
it is true what they say, the days are long but the years are short. except when your kids are out of town. then the days are short ;)
8.09.2012
someone asked if i was a writer yesterday and i shrugged and said 'not really, i used to be'
days when life overwhelms i seem to have a harder time putting it into words than before. my sister and i love the saying 'may your life one day be as wonderful as you make it appear online'. i find myself walking the tightrope between posting only the great things and posting the not so great things and being a debbie downer.
i have had an overwhelming week, feeling stressed and confused about the future and our direction. letting my negativity take over is never a good idea and tends to end in a inwardly selfish spiral.
then i was at the pediatrician for well checks with annie and eve. they were well behaved and delightful. as the doctor (that i adore and have known since lily's first 1 week check up) left the room with a hug she said 'life is good, mama'. and i thought, it is. it really is.
days when life overwhelms i seem to have a harder time putting it into words than before. my sister and i love the saying 'may your life one day be as wonderful as you make it appear online'. i find myself walking the tightrope between posting only the great things and posting the not so great things and being a debbie downer.
i have had an overwhelming week, feeling stressed and confused about the future and our direction. letting my negativity take over is never a good idea and tends to end in a inwardly selfish spiral.
then i was at the pediatrician for well checks with annie and eve. they were well behaved and delightful. as the doctor (that i adore and have known since lily's first 1 week check up) left the room with a hug she said 'life is good, mama'. and i thought, it is. it really is.
8.02.2012
another year in pictures is now a book for my girls!!
i love blurb!!http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/invited/2828914/a42865dbad5c4685785e88146a638d35d68c9a13
soooo glad to be caught up before i have yet another year to organize :)
***link fixed!!
i love blurb!!http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/invited/2828914/a42865dbad5c4685785e88146a638d35d68c9a13
soooo glad to be caught up before i have yet another year to organize :)
***link fixed!!
7.27.2012
7.24.2012
security is a tricky thing. the false sense of it is normally all we really need- even when we know it is false somehow it can be enough.
i have always been a scaredy cat. haunted houses and the like are my kryptonite. i am 34 and sometimes still want to sleep with a light on. but to my kiddos, i'm 'mom' and i am their sense of security (false or otherwise). they don't know most of the time the noise that spooked them had me sweating too.
kevin has been out of town this week and i find myself in our new(ish) house alone for the first time. it isn't a small place and its pretty dark out here in the sticks where there are few street lamps. our fierce looking dog is beyond deaf and offers little in the way of protection these days.
i've been dealing with the girls' fears this week on my own. afraid of the dark. afraid to go upstairs alone. bad dreams. and it has had me questioning and thinking a lot about fear and security. i heard a speaker just this past week talking about the problem of having too many comforts means we don't really have to rely on anything outside of ourselves for security.
i just did my final rounds of peeking in on the girls before i retire for the night. i went and pulled lily's covers around her and gave her a kiss. it roused her enough that she fluttered her eyes open and said 'goodnight mama'. i said 'i love you' and she replied in a dreamy sleep voice with something i have never heard her say...
'i know you're always with me.'
i hope so, lily. always.
i have always been a scaredy cat. haunted houses and the like are my kryptonite. i am 34 and sometimes still want to sleep with a light on. but to my kiddos, i'm 'mom' and i am their sense of security (false or otherwise). they don't know most of the time the noise that spooked them had me sweating too.
kevin has been out of town this week and i find myself in our new(ish) house alone for the first time. it isn't a small place and its pretty dark out here in the sticks where there are few street lamps. our fierce looking dog is beyond deaf and offers little in the way of protection these days.
i've been dealing with the girls' fears this week on my own. afraid of the dark. afraid to go upstairs alone. bad dreams. and it has had me questioning and thinking a lot about fear and security. i heard a speaker just this past week talking about the problem of having too many comforts means we don't really have to rely on anything outside of ourselves for security.
i just did my final rounds of peeking in on the girls before i retire for the night. i went and pulled lily's covers around her and gave her a kiss. it roused her enough that she fluttered her eyes open and said 'goodnight mama'. i said 'i love you' and she replied in a dreamy sleep voice with something i have never heard her say...
'i know you're always with me.'
i hope so, lily. always.
7.14.2012
7.08.2012
yes..... or no
lily just asked me if snow white was 'really REAL' and i pulled an eddie izzard.
i never know what to say in these situations. yes! nooo.... i mean of course! but not really....
how do you all handle the little white lies of childhood? is seems magical at times but just plain absurd and setting their little hearts up for disappointment at other times.
i never know what to say in these situations. yes! nooo.... i mean of course! but not really....
how do you all handle the little white lies of childhood? is seems magical at times but just plain absurd and setting their little hearts up for disappointment at other times.
7.07.2012
7.04.2012
i have a confession. my name is mollie and i think i've become a winker. i know, i know, who AM i? what is going on here?
i am really not sure but i have caught myself in the past few weeks winking at people at least 3 times. thankfully two of those times were to little kids who probably just thought i was some weird lady. is there a cure for this ailment? please tell me this is temporary...
i am really not sure but i have caught myself in the past few weeks winking at people at least 3 times. thankfully two of those times were to little kids who probably just thought i was some weird lady. is there a cure for this ailment? please tell me this is temporary...
6.25.2012
6.20.2012
i was first introduced to brene brown when my friend bonnie sent me a link to a fabulous talk she gave at TED and i was intrigued. i love the way she tells stories, paints a picture, makes you think.
i watched this video on her return to christianity this morning and it definitely made me laugh. i love her perspective.
http://thenewcreatives.posterous.com/brene-brown-interview-love-is-controversial
what i love most about this is how intelligent she is. how critical and analytical her nature is as a researcher, but she still sees jesus the way that i do. as a child. with faith.
i hope beyond hope beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can be love to people. that i am love to people. this year has been harder than i expected so far. i thought with annie's first year under our belts life would settle, but that was before i knew she was what we affectionately refer to as 'tank'. aka: no obstacle can get in the way of what i want. it is hard to feel like you're loving others when you don't have any time or energy to love yourself.
so today this has to be enough. 'may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer'. i won't be serving the poor today. i'm not in haiti. i'm not at a shelter. i'm a mom. and i will have to do my best to love my kids the way i am called to. and hope for them and pray for them. and love.
i watched this video on her return to christianity this morning and it definitely made me laugh. i love her perspective.
http://thenewcreatives.posterous.com/brene-brown-interview-love-is-controversial
what i love most about this is how intelligent she is. how critical and analytical her nature is as a researcher, but she still sees jesus the way that i do. as a child. with faith.
i hope beyond hope beyond a shadow of a doubt that we can be love to people. that i am love to people. this year has been harder than i expected so far. i thought with annie's first year under our belts life would settle, but that was before i knew she was what we affectionately refer to as 'tank'. aka: no obstacle can get in the way of what i want. it is hard to feel like you're loving others when you don't have any time or energy to love yourself.
so today this has to be enough. 'may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer'. i won't be serving the poor today. i'm not in haiti. i'm not at a shelter. i'm a mom. and i will have to do my best to love my kids the way i am called to. and hope for them and pray for them. and love.
6.15.2012
6.13.2012
debbie downer alert. consider yourself warned.
casey bubba has cancer. that's right the one and only c-c-c-casey bubb bba (to the tune of la la la la bamba)
as much as i have let that poor animal get on my nerves in the last few years, i have had some good cries about his diagnosis. i remember clearly telling my sister before i got pregnant with lily that i was genuinely concerned i could never love anything, including a human baby, as much as i loved casey.
now of course i see the humor in that statement seeing as the relationships are not as similar as i once anticipated. but it does stand to show you how devoted and doting i was. the day we met in 2003, he was still a mere 4 year old pup and we wrestled till my arms were covered in harmless scratches. i'm not sure who enjoyed it more- me homesick for the boxer at my parents' house, or casey who was probably used to his dad's girlfriends giving his 90 pound self the side-eye.
i have always been a little sad to have missed out on his true puppy-hood, though the stories i have heard scare me enough to want to an adopt an adult of whatever pet we have next. the sheer energy and destruction (he ate a sofa once. the whole thing.) baffle the mind.
'bubba' was in the top 5 first words for all 3 girls. he was their first best friend. his face licks have made each of them squeal with delight. his tolerance of their ear grabs and petting (that seems more like a gentle beating) has increased with his age and annie is hopelessly devoted to him.
we have told the girls that casey is sick and will not be with us too much longer. lily declared in the car yesterday 'oh i know!! bubba will just wait for us at the house that God is building in heaven! he will be so happy to see us when we get there!'
aaaand tears.
casey bubba has cancer. that's right the one and only c-c-c-casey bubb bba (to the tune of la la la la bamba)
as much as i have let that poor animal get on my nerves in the last few years, i have had some good cries about his diagnosis. i remember clearly telling my sister before i got pregnant with lily that i was genuinely concerned i could never love anything, including a human baby, as much as i loved casey.
now of course i see the humor in that statement seeing as the relationships are not as similar as i once anticipated. but it does stand to show you how devoted and doting i was. the day we met in 2003, he was still a mere 4 year old pup and we wrestled till my arms were covered in harmless scratches. i'm not sure who enjoyed it more- me homesick for the boxer at my parents' house, or casey who was probably used to his dad's girlfriends giving his 90 pound self the side-eye.
i have always been a little sad to have missed out on his true puppy-hood, though the stories i have heard scare me enough to want to an adopt an adult of whatever pet we have next. the sheer energy and destruction (he ate a sofa once. the whole thing.) baffle the mind.
'bubba' was in the top 5 first words for all 3 girls. he was their first best friend. his face licks have made each of them squeal with delight. his tolerance of their ear grabs and petting (that seems more like a gentle beating) has increased with his age and annie is hopelessly devoted to him.
we have told the girls that casey is sick and will not be with us too much longer. lily declared in the car yesterday 'oh i know!! bubba will just wait for us at the house that God is building in heaven! he will be so happy to see us when we get there!'
aaaand tears.
6.10.2012
as you may have picked up from posts, i am somewhat of an avid gym-goer. and by avid i mean that i try to finagle a daily trip into our schedule one way or another. it is my hour of babysitting, my hour of peace. or is it?
i tend to gravitate towards the high impact cardio classes. kickboxing and the like are my poison of choice. however my need for quiet and a break from my kids' constant chatter has been filled lately with some of the most inane platitudes shouted at me from the front of the class. i really don't know where the instructors come up with some of this stuff, but i feel compelled at times to either shout 'please be QUIET!' or 'i'm not a deathmatch competitor, EASE UP!'
i started taking stock of the completely silly things they call out during class last week and instead of being annoyed started a mental list to blog. i'll start with my favorite...
"do you WANT it? yes or YESSSS??!!"
(last i checked i wanted an hour of 'free' babysitting)
"don't you know bathing suit season is HERE?!"
i tend to gravitate towards the high impact cardio classes. kickboxing and the like are my poison of choice. however my need for quiet and a break from my kids' constant chatter has been filled lately with some of the most inane platitudes shouted at me from the front of the class. i really don't know where the instructors come up with some of this stuff, but i feel compelled at times to either shout 'please be QUIET!' or 'i'm not a deathmatch competitor, EASE UP!'
i started taking stock of the completely silly things they call out during class last week and instead of being annoyed started a mental list to blog. i'll start with my favorite...
"do you WANT it? yes or YESSSS??!!"
(i mean i guess i DO want it, but i'm not a child. i am quite sure 'no' is a viable option)
"we don't want to be SKINNY! we want to be LEAN!"
(ummmmm. skinny works for me too.)
"WHY are you HERE?!"(last i checked i wanted an hour of 'free' babysitting)
"don't you know bathing suit season is HERE?!"
(why yes i do, hence my blouson mommy one piece)
"this is ONE HOUR and you have 168 this week- USE IT!"
(thank you very much, i will now spend the rest of class trying to do the math on how many of those hours i slept this week)
6.05.2012
when we were in haiti the house we were building was around the corner from a terrible place. a terrible no good awful, give you the creeps every time you drive past its walls sort of place. it was an orphanage that was trafficking kids into slavery and mistreating the children in its care.
we got the amazing news this week that the orphanage was shut down!! amen hallelujah and a million other fabulous exclamations :) if you are able and interested, please consider giving to support the 23 babies and kids that were rescued and in need of pretty much everything.
you can read more about it on the HELP blog!
UPDATE!!! head to THIS blog to see the kids and read more about them. i can't believe these precious faces were on the other side of the wall we passed every day. i wish i could have just hugged and loved them.
we got the amazing news this week that the orphanage was shut down!! amen hallelujah and a million other fabulous exclamations :) if you are able and interested, please consider giving to support the 23 babies and kids that were rescued and in need of pretty much everything.
you can read more about it on the HELP blog!
UPDATE!!! head to THIS blog to see the kids and read more about them. i can't believe these precious faces were on the other side of the wall we passed every day. i wish i could have just hugged and loved them.
Chat with Annie
just a little chat with annie girl to remember her at 18months
love how she climbs onto my desk at the end. sooo annie.
love how she climbs onto my desk at the end. sooo annie.
6.04.2012
from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. the good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. matthew 12:34
i'm feeling out of good things to say lately (poor ali had to hear an earful of it on the phone yesterday) and this was my first word to read this morning. how timely of you, God.
i just wanted to send all you mamas a hug and say, i'm there with you. i'm empty most days and i'm out of goodness when that third cup of water is already spilt on the ground at breakfast. i'm bone dry by the time one of them whines at target about a little fancy doll i will not be purchasing for them.
its time for me to fill 'er up. there is so much goodness to be had and love to share and all i have to do is go to the source for a refill so that i have my own abundance to pour out.
kevin and i were lucky enough to get to go run errands and have dinner by ourselves yesterday. i thought up a bunch of fun ideas of activities for us to do, but in the end all we really need is each other and quiet moments to be together. i am acutely aware of how nice it is to have so much fun with my husband when doing something as boring as couch price shopping.
at dinner we talked about goals for our summer. i talked some about wanting to work on strength at the gym. i said something about schedules. i didn't mention storing up good. i'm glad to have been reminded this morning where my real strength comes from.
5.21.2012
when i was little i loved to wear big t-shirts as nightgowns. whenever i was in trouble my dad noticed i would tend to wear one of his old shirts just when i knew he was angry with me. he would come in at bedtime for my 'talk' and there i was innocently wearing his worn out 'lone star beer' ringer tee. (my favorite had a scene of armadillos drinking beer.... i know you're shaking your head right now and that's okay with me)
it was totally subconscious. i really wasn't that smart, but dad noticed it enough to finally point it out.
today i was in a crummy mood. just grumpy all around yuck and i noticed for the second time that when i'm in a bad mood i keep wearing my haiti clothes. i have on the t-shirt i wore during most of the trip and the bracelet i bought at heartline. i guess i figure somewhere deep down that was a time i found simple joy. that i had perspective. that i thought less of myself.
i'm not sure the outfit helped today but it made me smile when i realized the more things change, the more i seem to stay the same.
it was totally subconscious. i really wasn't that smart, but dad noticed it enough to finally point it out.
today i was in a crummy mood. just grumpy all around yuck and i noticed for the second time that when i'm in a bad mood i keep wearing my haiti clothes. i have on the t-shirt i wore during most of the trip and the bracelet i bought at heartline. i guess i figure somewhere deep down that was a time i found simple joy. that i had perspective. that i thought less of myself.
i'm not sure the outfit helped today but it made me smile when i realized the more things change, the more i seem to stay the same.
5.17.2012
this year for the christmas i gifted my dad with the promise of an experience. we've done this before and always enjoyed it. i loved the year my sister and i took him zip lining! the promise was a trip to the shooting range.
i have never been to a range, never shot a handgun. two things he is very experienced with!
moon is in town helping my sister and knowing the littles would be at preschool today, i decided it was the day for our outing! i picked him up 9:30 after finding out the shooting range is open 9-9 7 days a week. (because of course being in a shooting range at 8pm on sunday night makes total sense.)
the indoor range is located logically next door to a pawn shop. so clearly we're talking a top notch joint. the folks at the range helped dad guide me to a small semi-automatic pistol. we donned our earphones and protective eyewear and headed for our target!
we opted to share a 'lane' (is this the correct terminology? is it like bowling??) i have to admit for the first 10 minutes every time someone shot their firearm i flinched. it is freaking LOUD in there even with the headphones on- and the air pressure changes every time someone shoots. its a little unnerving at first.
i would like to brag that i'm a pretty good shot. maybe its all that time i spend staring down the barrel of my heavy 70-200 zoom lens sure-ing up my hands? ha!
the most 'mollie' moment of the morning came when a bullet casing flew out of my gun and into my cleavage. wearing a glamorous sports bra (as usual), the thing was burning hot and stuck to my skin. i turned around to shake it out of my top, unwittingly while pointing an armed gun at my dad and the shooting range attendant. neither of them were amused. and i have the battle scars to prove it.
i have never been to a range, never shot a handgun. two things he is very experienced with!
moon is in town helping my sister and knowing the littles would be at preschool today, i decided it was the day for our outing! i picked him up 9:30 after finding out the shooting range is open 9-9 7 days a week. (because of course being in a shooting range at 8pm on sunday night makes total sense.)
the indoor range is located logically next door to a pawn shop. so clearly we're talking a top notch joint. the folks at the range helped dad guide me to a small semi-automatic pistol. we donned our earphones and protective eyewear and headed for our target!
we opted to share a 'lane' (is this the correct terminology? is it like bowling??) i have to admit for the first 10 minutes every time someone shot their firearm i flinched. it is freaking LOUD in there even with the headphones on- and the air pressure changes every time someone shoots. its a little unnerving at first.
i would like to brag that i'm a pretty good shot. maybe its all that time i spend staring down the barrel of my heavy 70-200 zoom lens sure-ing up my hands? ha!
(taken 5 hours later!)
all in all it was a fun experience. i'm glad to have shared it with moon and i still love 'experiences' as gifts. now i just have to think of what to give him for father's day...
5.12.2012
if you haven't caught on yet, we now live in what someone recently referred to as 'the sticks'. now to be fair, it isn't exactly country living seeing as we are 15 minutes from downtown but on the other hand we DO have a septic tank.
to me in many ways it seems the best of both worlds.
until you take the bugs into consideration. wait, not just bugs- don't forget the vermin.
we were out on a walk yesterday in the rain. it was just barely sprinkling when we headed out and the girls were loving it! kevin was pushing annie in the stroller and i had a firm grasp on eve and lily's hands. i was so happy when we got to meet another neighbor who was also outside- we haven't met as many as i'd like quite yet.
then as we round a bend in the road eve nonchalantly said 'that's kinda a big spider' and i glance in the general direction she is facing and HOLYFREAKINGSHIT i screamed 'KEVIN!!!!'
it was a full on huge tarantula just casually making its way across the street. i jumped back and pulled the girls with me. kevin reverted to his 11 year old self and set a fabulous example by spitting on the spider (which in the rain you would think it might not even notice?). the thing literally charged kevin and thankfully 11 year-old kevin is a pretty quick runner.
we turned around on the walk since it was starting to actually rain rather than just drizzle and i promptly announced 'if we ever find one of THOSE in our house, i'm moving downtown'
to me in many ways it seems the best of both worlds.
until you take the bugs into consideration. wait, not just bugs- don't forget the vermin.
we were out on a walk yesterday in the rain. it was just barely sprinkling when we headed out and the girls were loving it! kevin was pushing annie in the stroller and i had a firm grasp on eve and lily's hands. i was so happy when we got to meet another neighbor who was also outside- we haven't met as many as i'd like quite yet.
then as we round a bend in the road eve nonchalantly said 'that's kinda a big spider' and i glance in the general direction she is facing and HOLYFREAKINGSHIT i screamed 'KEVIN!!!!'
it was a full on huge tarantula just casually making its way across the street. i jumped back and pulled the girls with me. kevin reverted to his 11 year old self and set a fabulous example by spitting on the spider (which in the rain you would think it might not even notice?). the thing literally charged kevin and thankfully 11 year-old kevin is a pretty quick runner.
we turned around on the walk since it was starting to actually rain rather than just drizzle and i promptly announced 'if we ever find one of THOSE in our house, i'm moving downtown'
5.09.2012
i knew this house we just moved into has to have some kind of story. it has enough little quirks and personal touches that i have been curious about who planned this out. our next door neighbor and kevin struck up a conversation tonight and we found out the original owner was a guy named blake neely. a texas-born composer. (you can see more of what he has scored here) very cool!
he also said those all important words that every neighbor longs to hear.... "feel free to use the pool any time you'd like"
he also said those all important words that every neighbor longs to hear.... "feel free to use the pool any time you'd like"
5.08.2012
i read this post sent out by a friend about trusting money more than we trust god. i couldn't help but chuckle into my coffee cup as i feel like this is perhaps the first time in my life that isn't true.
and the weirdest part of all is the peace i have about it. what paul said to the phillippians is eerily true- god's peace surpasses all understanding. i can't explain it. i am not responsible for it. this peace i have just IS.
and really i don't know what i'll do with myself when kevin does go back to working because frankly i like having the guy around :)
and the weirdest part of all is the peace i have about it. what paul said to the phillippians is eerily true- god's peace surpasses all understanding. i can't explain it. i am not responsible for it. this peace i have just IS.
and really i don't know what i'll do with myself when kevin does go back to working because frankly i like having the guy around :)
4.29.2012
4.27.2012
Best Job | P&G London 2012 Olympic Games Film
i read an article a few days ago that said after interviewing high level athletes the most common thing they claimed as the best thing their parents said about their sport was 'i love watching you play'. that really got me- not 'great job' or 'you are so good' but 'i love to watch you'.
i love everything about that statement. good or bad, win or lose, i LOVE to watch you is what it boils down to. and along that sentiment, here is the best commercial i've seen in a while...
i love everything about that statement. good or bad, win or lose, i LOVE to watch you is what it boils down to. and along that sentiment, here is the best commercial i've seen in a while...
4.20.2012
i stood outside on the back porch of our new house today staring up at the stars. they sure are bright out there. i thought they were pretty darn bright at our old house, but i see now that i was wrong.
as excited as i am about this new chapter, i have a twinge -okay maybe more than a twinge- of sadness. y'all know change and i aren't exactly friends! the truth of it is, i have lived in this house longer than any other in my life that i can recall. we moved a lot growing up and 5 years is oddly enough a record.
the girl moving out of this house is so starkly different from the girl who moved in. i was giantly pregnant, managing accounts from home, eager to meet my first baby and still in many ways a newlywed. i move out as a self-employed mom of three beautiful little ladies finding my way as a community member and happily married to my best friend. i never would have dared to hope for the amazing blessings we have experienced while living here. i am so eager to see what this next chapter holds, but nervous that nothing could be as wonderful as these years in our little house on the park.
i'll leave you with this precious iphone shot of my girls at the new pad today. i can't wait to see them on these steps on christmas morning!
as excited as i am about this new chapter, i have a twinge -okay maybe more than a twinge- of sadness. y'all know change and i aren't exactly friends! the truth of it is, i have lived in this house longer than any other in my life that i can recall. we moved a lot growing up and 5 years is oddly enough a record.
the girl moving out of this house is so starkly different from the girl who moved in. i was giantly pregnant, managing accounts from home, eager to meet my first baby and still in many ways a newlywed. i move out as a self-employed mom of three beautiful little ladies finding my way as a community member and happily married to my best friend. i never would have dared to hope for the amazing blessings we have experienced while living here. i am so eager to see what this next chapter holds, but nervous that nothing could be as wonderful as these years in our little house on the park.
i'll leave you with this precious iphone shot of my girls at the new pad today. i can't wait to see them on these steps on christmas morning!
4.17.2012
there are blog posts being shared around lately about not letting pinterest and other over achieving moms make you feel bad about yourself. some answer that your worth is in your kids' eyes.
i'll be honest, its a sweet sentiment, but i just can't get on board. kids let you down. no matter how dearly you love them, your family will disappoint you. building up my worth based on people who are imperfect does nothing but set myself up to be let down.
certainly it is easier said than done but if i am comparing myself to moms who make fancy bento box lunches while my kids eat room temperature turkey, i'm making that mom into an idol. transferring that valuation of myself to my kids' eyes or my husbands' doesn't change that i am only seeing my worth as a reflection of how someone else needs/loves/values me.
i heard an old song today while driving. isn't it weird how you can go 10 or 20 years without hearing a song and the lyrics still in some magic way find their way to your lips? the song belts out "I want to leave a legacy, How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering."
so i will continue to try my darndest to not compare myself to other moms. i will also try to not find my identity solely as a mother or wife. i will call myself a child of God because that is who HE calls me. i am loved for that simple and most important of all reason. thank God.
i'll be honest, its a sweet sentiment, but i just can't get on board. kids let you down. no matter how dearly you love them, your family will disappoint you. building up my worth based on people who are imperfect does nothing but set myself up to be let down.
certainly it is easier said than done but if i am comparing myself to moms who make fancy bento box lunches while my kids eat room temperature turkey, i'm making that mom into an idol. transferring that valuation of myself to my kids' eyes or my husbands' doesn't change that i am only seeing my worth as a reflection of how someone else needs/loves/values me.
i heard an old song today while driving. isn't it weird how you can go 10 or 20 years without hearing a song and the lyrics still in some magic way find their way to your lips? the song belts out "I want to leave a legacy, How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering."
so i will continue to try my darndest to not compare myself to other moms. i will also try to not find my identity solely as a mother or wife. i will call myself a child of God because that is who HE calls me. i am loved for that simple and most important of all reason. thank God.
4.14.2012
i remember the distinct feeling as our flight home from haiti descended towards the fort lauderdale airport of how organized everything looked below us. straight streets and grids of houses with orderly traffic signals. i hadn't seen anything like it in haiti. chaos. there everything was curved lines, crowded, houses on top of houses on top of houses.
the woman next to kevin and i on our flight was on her first trip to america. she had the window seat and in her broken english and my awful creole we conversed upon takeoff long enough for me to teach her to use her seat belt and her to say it was the first flight she had ever taken.
as the plane flew beneath the clouds, i saw the florida landscape through her eyes. so flat, so intentional, so clean, so vanilla boring. oh how i wished we spoke the same language. i had so many questions for her.
the woman next to kevin and i on our flight was on her first trip to america. she had the window seat and in her broken english and my awful creole we conversed upon takeoff long enough for me to teach her to use her seat belt and her to say it was the first flight she had ever taken.
as the plane flew beneath the clouds, i saw the florida landscape through her eyes. so flat, so intentional, so clean, so vanilla boring. oh how i wished we spoke the same language. i had so many questions for her.
4.11.2012
kevin's version of packing his bedside table:
open box, move contents of drawers to box. close and label box.
my version of packing my bedside table:
open box, open drawer, make stack of all hair bands and miscellaneous earrings that have found their way into the top drawer. open book to the folded page and try to remember when i was reading it last. thumb through an issue of the discontinued 'domino' magazine and lament its untimely demise.
you see, this is why it takes me approximately 10x longer to pack anything than my husband and might just drive him a little bit crazy. it is also how i came to spend an hour on saturday reading my journal from 2003.
2003 was the best of times and the worst of times. 'a tale of two cities' had nothing on my life that year. what pulled me in when i casually thumbed open the spiral was how un-like me the writing sounded. how sad, distant, lost. i started wondering how i ever got to such a low point in my life and how absolutely broken i would be if one of my girls ever wrote the things i was reading.
i was in a terrible awful no good relationship and frankly it was a close call. i made it out by the skin of my teeth and within a year i was healthy again, training for triathlons, making new friends, moving into a positive living situation, and meeting my soul mate. reading it was fascinating and made me so thankful that God has a plan and that it was for me to prosper and not to harm me.
last night watching 'glee' i love love loved blaine's version of 'somebody that i used to know' and for the first time in a long time i feel like i could maybe possibly let go of the anger i have held onto in the back of my heart for the last 8 years. anger at myself mostly for getting myself into that place. letting go means i can see those choices as a part of how i got to be who i am now.
(and as i type this last sentence my children are dancing 'ballet' to the song linked above and i can't be anything but thankful.)
open box, move contents of drawers to box. close and label box.
my version of packing my bedside table:
open box, open drawer, make stack of all hair bands and miscellaneous earrings that have found their way into the top drawer. open book to the folded page and try to remember when i was reading it last. thumb through an issue of the discontinued 'domino' magazine and lament its untimely demise.
you see, this is why it takes me approximately 10x longer to pack anything than my husband and might just drive him a little bit crazy. it is also how i came to spend an hour on saturday reading my journal from 2003.
2003 was the best of times and the worst of times. 'a tale of two cities' had nothing on my life that year. what pulled me in when i casually thumbed open the spiral was how un-like me the writing sounded. how sad, distant, lost. i started wondering how i ever got to such a low point in my life and how absolutely broken i would be if one of my girls ever wrote the things i was reading.
i was in a terrible awful no good relationship and frankly it was a close call. i made it out by the skin of my teeth and within a year i was healthy again, training for triathlons, making new friends, moving into a positive living situation, and meeting my soul mate. reading it was fascinating and made me so thankful that God has a plan and that it was for me to prosper and not to harm me.
last night watching 'glee' i love love loved blaine's version of 'somebody that i used to know' and for the first time in a long time i feel like i could maybe possibly let go of the anger i have held onto in the back of my heart for the last 8 years. anger at myself mostly for getting myself into that place. letting go means i can see those choices as a part of how i got to be who i am now.
(and as i type this last sentence my children are dancing 'ballet' to the song linked above and i can't be anything but thankful.)
4.08.2012
oh boy. where do i begin? longstanding silence aside, things are good around here! we are moving in just under two weeks, work is absolutely insane (in a good way!) and i've been working on lots of side projects as well (seriously what am i thinking?!).
today was our last real holiday in our house. eve's birthday party will be the last hurrah next weekend then we are closing the chapter on this little house that has loved us so well.
looking through the very few pictures i took today of our easter celebrations i laughed at this one. it is so telling of their personalities. lily already dressed to the 9's for the day in pink. eve wearing whatever in the world it is she is wearing (clearly following her own unique sense of style) and annie is along for the ride in halloween footie jammies- just happy to be included.
my three. i couldn't love them any more than i do right this moment!
after a day of packing and hanging out at home, we headed downtown for our church's grillout with the homeless. it is a semi-monthly event year-round but a tradition on easter. the girls enjoyed themselves for about an hour before the lack of food (sorry, i wasn't going to let them cut in line for a burger in front of people who may have not had a hot meal in a while).
it was fun while it lasted though. lily danced a jig with a crazy bearded guy. annie begged for peanuts from a homeless guy on crutches. eve danced to her own music as usual (which was proven when the band stopped playing and she danced on!). i'm sad we didn't get to stay longer, but we were there long enough for communion and to share hugs with friends.
we ended up pinch hitting with a spaghetti dinner at home and got the girls in bed a good half hour before their usual bedtime. note to easter bunny: no candy in next year's basket. we seem to have paid the price for their giant sugar crash all afternoon :)
i hope your easter was memorable and meaningful. he is risen!
today was our last real holiday in our house. eve's birthday party will be the last hurrah next weekend then we are closing the chapter on this little house that has loved us so well.
looking through the very few pictures i took today of our easter celebrations i laughed at this one. it is so telling of their personalities. lily already dressed to the 9's for the day in pink. eve wearing whatever in the world it is she is wearing (clearly following her own unique sense of style) and annie is along for the ride in halloween footie jammies- just happy to be included.
my three. i couldn't love them any more than i do right this moment!
after a day of packing and hanging out at home, we headed downtown for our church's grillout with the homeless. it is a semi-monthly event year-round but a tradition on easter. the girls enjoyed themselves for about an hour before the lack of food (sorry, i wasn't going to let them cut in line for a burger in front of people who may have not had a hot meal in a while).
it was fun while it lasted though. lily danced a jig with a crazy bearded guy. annie begged for peanuts from a homeless guy on crutches. eve danced to her own music as usual (which was proven when the band stopped playing and she danced on!). i'm sad we didn't get to stay longer, but we were there long enough for communion and to share hugs with friends.
we ended up pinch hitting with a spaghetti dinner at home and got the girls in bed a good half hour before their usual bedtime. note to easter bunny: no candy in next year's basket. we seem to have paid the price for their giant sugar crash all afternoon :)
i hope your easter was memorable and meaningful. he is risen!
3.15.2012
i was sitting at a client's house amazed by her sweetly behaved 5 year old twins when i spied a sticker chart in the hallway. i asked the kiddos about it and they excitedly said 'its our HAPPY HEART CHART!'
i asked mom more about it and she told me that when the kids started getting older, she wanted to tackle the attitude that starts to pop up along with their molars :) around 4 my struggles with lily started to be more about HOW she obeys, not IF she obeys. at one point a few weeks ago she actually crossed her arms and gave a loud 'humpf!' when she didn't want to do what i asked.
the chart is about spirit, about not just obeying but doing so with a positive, happy heart! needless to say i went to the store for posterboard and stickers and made two identical 'happy heart charts' and got lily and eve schooled in the wonders of a sticker chart immediately. we practiced a few common requests on my behalf (ie. can you please take your shoes upstairs and put them away?) and role played what their responses might look like with a grumpy attitude and then with a happy heart. eve particularly liked the over the top grumpy answers :)
both girls got on board and have been super excited to earn stickers. i have a 'surprise' box (aka old shoe box) that they can select one item from upon gaining 10 stickers and both girls chose candy necklaces as their first reward. i remind them often that we are ALL still learning to 'obey all the way, right away, with a happy heart'.
the proof is in the pudding- here is eve tonight with her booty. she earned 10 stickers this week!
i asked mom more about it and she told me that when the kids started getting older, she wanted to tackle the attitude that starts to pop up along with their molars :) around 4 my struggles with lily started to be more about HOW she obeys, not IF she obeys. at one point a few weeks ago she actually crossed her arms and gave a loud 'humpf!' when she didn't want to do what i asked.
the chart is about spirit, about not just obeying but doing so with a positive, happy heart! needless to say i went to the store for posterboard and stickers and made two identical 'happy heart charts' and got lily and eve schooled in the wonders of a sticker chart immediately. we practiced a few common requests on my behalf (ie. can you please take your shoes upstairs and put them away?) and role played what their responses might look like with a grumpy attitude and then with a happy heart. eve particularly liked the over the top grumpy answers :)
both girls got on board and have been super excited to earn stickers. i have a 'surprise' box (aka old shoe box) that they can select one item from upon gaining 10 stickers and both girls chose candy necklaces as their first reward. i remind them often that we are ALL still learning to 'obey all the way, right away, with a happy heart'.
the proof is in the pudding- here is eve tonight with her booty. she earned 10 stickers this week!
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