when lily was a baby, around a year to 18 months old i remember holding her so tight and wishing with my eyes squeezed shut that time would just slow down and give me more space to relish my amazing child. that i could slow her from changing too much and remember exactly who she was at each stage and grasp at the air to capture the essence of the moments to freeze time.

these days i feel like i would happily tap on the 'fast forward' button were one provided to me. there isn't a lot i feel like reveling in about lily refusing to eat her dinner, crying about being provided the wrong liquid in her cup (but i wanted MILK!!!! not water!!!!), and falling apart any time i leave the room to so much as change my shoes.

certainly some days are better than others, but here we are in the throes of the terrible twos and frankly, i'm over it. i'm having a really hard time finding joy in this situation and my patience typically begins to run thin around 9am.

on the other hand, there is my sweet eve who is beginning to talk (still adorably refuses to walk, preferring to be held), and whose love overwhelms me in so many ways. i know its not fair, but i feel like i am being robbed of the enjoyment of her by the phase that lily is in and honestly i am terrified that eve might ever be as frustrating to me as lily currently is.

throw in the concept of there being three children underfoot complaining about goodness knows what while i try to make them a healthy dinner that they will inevitably refuse to eat... and that about sums up my current outlook on things.

i want to be grateful for the privilege of having these three sweet angels in my care, not anxious. i want to be less easily frustrated by the inevitabilities of a nearly three-year-old's temperment. i want to let each of my children be exactly who they are and guide their character, not their personalities.

i just wish i knew how.

and so i start this day with a prayer for patience that i will likely repeat a hundred times or so.

Heavenly Father, You have dealt gently with Your children in love. You have been patient with me in my humanness and stubbornness.Lord, through the work of Your Spirit, prompt me to be more jubilant in hope, more patient in times of trouble, and more consistent in my prayer life. Teach me, Lord, to wait with faith and expectancy, and may my trials be seen as times for growth in grace. Through Christ our Lord, I pray. Amen.

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12

cute pics of my sweet eve enjoying the sprinklers in our yard on the biz blog- i love how much bigger i can post pics there than here!

go check them out :)

as promised, sweet eve kissing her bunny and talking! ignore the christmas pajamas ;)

night time songs :)

and lily's best quote of the day "mama did you know god made my ears? please don't brush them when you brush my hair. god made them"

sweet eve also learned to 'kiss' her bunny blanket today. i need to get a video of it tomorrow- every time i tried to video it she went nuts wanting my phone :)

it was a gorgeous afternoon with these two bathing beauties. what could be better than this??

well maybe this with a cold beer or a margarita on the rocks with salt, but let's not split hairs ;)

just one of the many many reasons the past month has been truly insane...



we are due on 12.20 with a sweet little baby whose flickering heart made me cry this morning.

run, do not walk, to bonnie berry's blog to see the beauty she found in an afternoon picnic with my family. it was a shoot i had envisioned and somehow she saw it exactly as i knew only she could.

i will also be overly cheesy and admit that i am currently obsessed with the song 'sweet disposition' by temper trap and i feel like it is the perfect soundtrack to her shoot, so if you want to be as cheesy as i am, you can sing that song in your head while looking at the pictures.

with no further ado...

http://www.adventuresoflazygirl.com/2010/05/family-picnic-a.html

and the snapshot of my family (dad, little erin, baby tim, and mom pregnant with me) that inspired the idea

laying in bed about to hit the hay on mother's day thinking about my sweet girls and the joy they bring into my life, i started watching videos of them on youtube and my goodness, nothing makes me smile like they do.

two oldies but goodies that i love watching over and over again...

we had a lovely mother's day brunch at my sister's house this morning with GaGa and her sister, my aunt Patty. yummy french toast casserole, eggs, and pigs in a blanket (just the blanket for me, pass the pigs to lily!)

then we got home and while eve took a nap, lily and i soaked in a bath. she was laying on my stomach with her head on my chest and i said 'i love you lily, did you know you made me a mommy?'

she picked up her head and looked at me excitedly and said 'uh huh! did i make your eyebrows too?'

maybe she'll 'get' it next year... :)

happy mother's day!

sweet eve. my little ball of loveliness has gotten L A Z Y! she is all over the place faster than you can blink... on all fours!! she was such a tease with the excitement about using a walker super early on, but these days she refuses to even try walking much.

who knows when she'll get off her keister and become a biped? i'm kinda getting antsy for it! i hope she figures it out before too long. it sure would be easier at the pool than a crawler! :)

my apologies! i have been a SLACKER lately. in truth i have been insanely overwhelmed, crazy busy, and quite exhausted.

BUT as my mom would like to point out, that is no excuse for leaving you hanging! :)

i have been in dallas since sunday in a photography class and i am ITCHING to get home to squeeze my girls (and my baby daddy). ugh, i just can't wait!!!!

i had an attitude adjustment this morning. it was part barton springs refreshment and part matthew 6 smack down.

as kevin was leaving this morning i started crying. i'm not totally sure why. just exhausted from days of worry and stress regarding work. feeling as though i sort of missed out on eve's birthday because i was so 'busy' with her party and the million things going on.

i had our babysitter coming this morning so that i could get work done, but missing my work computer means there's really no work to be done until it returns. i didn't want to cancel at the last minute and i reached out to see if a friend could do lunch, but left to my own devices i ended up driving to barton springs.

this will shock no one that really knows me. it has always been a place of peace and quiet for me. i love that darn pool. one jump and you get a serious shock to the system, your heart beats faster, and you just feel completely alive.

i brought my bible and sat down to matthew 6. i needed it.

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

eve is one!! what a crazy weekend- we had lots of family in town. (love that they all wanted to celebrate with us!) her party was fun, but we were forced inside by the rain which didn't make for the best 'garden' party, but eve seemed to not mind. :)

i had an accident with my laptop and its at apple being fixed. thats the short version of the story, maybe another day i'll tell a more elaborate version involving white wine, the mcdonalds playscape at 9am, and two tired girls fighting off their naps at the apple store for their mom's sake.

until then, i'll enjoy this forced break from work and try not to stress out too much about it!

look out martha stewart... i made a birthday hat for eve this morning. after finding the CUTEST hats made of felt on ebay, i really wanted a cute hat for her to wear while eating her cake. of course knowing if i somehow rationalized the $25 price tag on etsy, she'd refuse to wear it, i wanted to figure out a way to make one on the cheap.

i am not handy with sewing or felt, etc so i made her a very very easy but cute one this morning. i even cheated by buying the $2 thomas the train uglyness at the grocery store as the hat form. i used spray glue to cover it in 4 layers of tissue paper so that thomas wasn't visible.



lily is a big fan, so she and i are going to make one for her when eve takes her nap.

poor eve isn't feeling so well. she has a viral infection and will be on antibiotics again :(

it cheers me up to look at happy pictures of my girl. hopefully she'll be back feeling like herself again soon.

i'd actually thought i accidentally deleted these images and was pretty sad about it because i remembered how BIG she was smiling- i was soooo happy when i realized i hadn't deleted them after all.

bedtime just went a little like this:

m: goodnight lil
l: want to hear a story first?
m: sure...
l: once upon a time there was just one little piggy left and he was saved by the cactus piggy and they had blankies.
m: wow, thats a great story, thanks! goodnight.
l: want to hear a song first?
m: sure...
l: let's sing the chair song.
m: i don't know that one, how does it go?
l: chair, chair, chair, chair, chair, chair,(dancing around in her bed) chair, chair, chair, chair!
m: wow, that was great lily. goodnight.
l: want to hear...
m: no! thanks lily! goodnight!!!!!!

:)

as i was just spending my friday evening hard boiling eggs (oh the excitement of motherhood) i turned to kevin and said 'okay, so the story is, we're dying the eggs and leave them for the easter bunny and he comes and hides them and leaves the girls baskets with candy.'

he just looked at me and said 'what??'

i said, 'i'm getting our story straight for tomorrow, that's what happens right?'

seriously it sounded so absurd when i said it out loud that for a moment i thought maybe i had it wrong somehow...

i'll be back with a full report on monday with how many pieces of clothing or funiture we ruin with easter egg dye.

oh what fun was had this weekend. my sweet college friends and i laughed till we cried and sang at the top of our lungs. its a great feeling to be surrounded by people you can be as dorky as possible in front of without judgement.

if only you could have seen us dancing around to bad music in the kitchen, half with giant baby bumps. it was good times.

even though i came home completely exhausted (i can't remember the last time i stayed up till after 1am two nights in a row OR had that many glasses of wine) i am also very refreshed at the same time.

love you friends!

okay all you moms of two out there- its advice time. i mean time for YOU to give ME advice. ;) i'd love comments on this one- how much baby wrangling do you do to keep your older babe a happy camper? sometimes lily is lining things up or setting her toys just so and hurricane eve comes through and throws it all into chaos.

type a lily has no idea what to do when this happens and generally freaks out. so do you:

a) say 'its okay if she wants to play with your toys with you.' and let eve wreck her fun, hoping lily will relax and go with it.

b) relocate or distract eve to allow lily to play in peace

c) start the day with libations in your coffee so these issues don't seem quite so dramatic ;)

d) none of the above. my children play delightfully together. sorry you drew the short stick.

in case you're wondering if lily's fabulous sense of humor runs in the family, i'm here to confirm that for you. now i'm not bragging about my own level of wit here.

my parents met up with my brother and his kiddos for breakfast this weekend and little charlie (just 2 months older than lil) tried to sneak some pepper into moon's coffee when he wasn't looking. my brother caught him in the act and reprimanded him 'charlie!!' and he looked at his dad, shrugged and said 'come on, its FUNNY!'

seriously? seriously? i love it.

that was short lived.


sigh.

so a few months ago we did the great pacifier fairy event and lily's pacifiers all went away. a few successful weeks passed and i breathed a sigh of relief. then the crying started.

a few weeks of crying herself to sleep later, we resurrected the pacifier and all was peaceful again. she has since moved into a 'big' bed and gotten potty trained and the only remnant of her baby self (other than ever present blankie) is that darn pacifier.

i honestly haven't been too worried about it and i figure when she's ready she'll give it up. she uses is to sleep and is a fabulous sleeper, so i'll just count my blessings and let it go, right?

well after her nap today she announced she wanted to give her pacifiers to ruby and tess so that they wouldn't cry anymore. i dont want to jinx anything but lily went to bed sweetly and soundly without her pacifier tonight.

of course that was after i laid in bed with her and told her 'lily you are really wonderful'. to which she responded 'i AM!!!!!' and threw her arms in the air. something tells me she doesn't have any self esteem issues.

what a weekend of INSANE weather! warm warm warm COLD WINDY warm. i'm exhausted :)

i have had lots of work lately (NINE sessions in 2.5 weeks) but thankfully i have a bit of a break ahead since i am heading out of town this weekend with my favorite college friends. a girls' trip with no boys and no babies!!! sign me up!

this afternoon we were happy to get outside with our kite (for the record, i had a great time flying it, kevin however was quite frustrated by it and took it back to the garage opting for the playground instead. haha). we just enjoyed the fresh air and some good old fashioned running all over the place. i got my new favorite shot of lily (on the photo blog!!!) and these of the girls monkeying around on the playscape.

life is good!

my very favorite thing about lily being in a twin bed are the few minutes before bedtime when we are all in her bed laughing and tickling and reading and singing. its the BEST part of the day. the girls are in great moods from bathtime and we just love on each other.

last night lily took that a little too literally.

i'm laying on her bed and she reaches over and grabs my boob and says 'i love ya babe'.

one guess who she learned that quality move from...

lily and i had a very fun morning. she woke up in a fabulous mood, played and had breakfast, donned our green (it was faux st. patricks day at school since they'll miss it during spring break).

when we walked into class she was happy happy and as eve and i were about to walk out the door a subsitute assistant teacher came in. my stomach sank because i knew this would be hard for lil- she really has a hard time with unexpected change. it just sets her off and makes her very uneasy, thinking maybe she doesn't know what will happen all day. she craves familiarity and knowing what is coming next makes her feel confident and comfortable.

lily's teacher knows this from experience, so she came over and gently let lily know that her regular teacher's assistant was sick. lily's eyes filled with tears but she was determined to not let them spill over. i watched her convince herself she was going to be brave and not cry.

she turned to me and plastered a fake smile on her face gritting her teeth and said 'okay mommy have a good day'.

it BROKE my HEART.

i couldn't let her keep it in. i sat right down next to her and said 'oh lily it's okay to be upset when things change'. she burst into tears and crawled into my lap and i held her until she got her bearings and went off to play with friends.

i was just so proud of her for trying and wanting to be brave. she's turning into such a big girl so quickly. i hope she knows she can crawl into my lap and cry even when she's too big for my lap. heck, i think the last time i crawled into my mom's lap to cry was about 10 months ago.

the good the bad and the ugly.

its come to my attention through several formspring questions that i apparently come across as a laid back easy going mom that is just a joy to be married to.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay, now that we have gotten my fits of laughter out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty. i think i just post about positive things! i feel like i vent some on here, but often feel silly complaining about my life when really the things that are difficult for me on a daily basis are fairly silly.

do i let my kids eat off questionable surfaces, such as the floor? um... yes its definitely happened. do i worry about them washing their hands? not so much. are their outfits often covered in random stains? sure.

so there is the laid back side of me.

do i lose my temper with my 2 1/2 year old when she is being stubborn? yes i certainly do. do i have to apologize to my children for exhibiting exactly the behavior that i am asking them to abstain from? yep, its happened more than once. do i work 40 hours a week while my children are sleeping so that i can spend their waking hours with them? i do, and i have no free time, little social life, and am overwhelmed a lot of the time. does my husband have to listen to me rant and rave about every little thing that is bugging me? why yes, he does and he patiently endures it without antagonizing me or raising his voice.

so there ya go. not so perfect, eh? just a gal doing her best. in fact i tell lily that often, 'mommy is really doing her best, i'm still learning too. can you try to do your best as well?' i'm usually met with a blank stare, but can you blame a girl for trying?

are these not the cutest camera bags??

epiphanie bags

and they are giving away the most rockin camera too - check it out!

so there i was, wasting time and i was just about to get up and be productive and i decided to do a quick google search of my business URL to see if anyone out there was newly linking to me and i found out the coolest news!

rare magazine (a hip artsy fun local publication) listed a photoshoot with ME as a fun 'splurge' for hipster couples in their february issue :)

get excited!! here's the online link - http://rareaustin.com/?p=1008

i'll post pics of the actual publication once i get my hands on it- but you can also see a screen shot of the online issue on my business blog.

so so fun to find out they are recommending me since they are probably eternally more hip and 'in the know' than i will ever be! :)

if only.

if only when i saw dust floating in early morning sun my reaction was "look!! sparkles!!"

if only i was satisfied at every single meal by peanut butter and jelly

if only i had someone waiting on me hand and foot and there were always clean clothes waiting for me

if only i got to take a 3 hour nap every single day


man, lily has the life. :)

so much love and laughter every day.

lucky lucky me.

he might kill me for this, but i just think our girls are so stinkin lucky to have him as their dad.

lily has been showing more and more interest in language lately. she's always been quite the talker, she comes by it naturally. but her love of letters has just exploded in the past week. kevin has been teaching her the alphabet during bath time using our foam letter toys.

tonight in the bath i decided to see just how much she knew and held up each letter and asked her what they were and if she could come up with a word that started with the letter. to my surprise, she did pretty darn well. here is the result- the letters on the left she got correctly- the letters on the right need a little work (she thought X was K and W was M. she guessed that U was J or C).

i kept high-fiving her because i couldn't believe how much she knew! it was pretty fun and she was very proud of herself :)

i've been going through and organizing 2009 images and came across this oldie but goodie. i love it.

we spent an unexpected weekend at home and my girls are sick, so we did lots of quiet play to avoid infecting others. just a few snaps in lily's room before dinner tonight.

the headband cracks me up.

makeshift tent

buddies going in together!

i know my fellow baylor kappa alums have seen this by now, but i have probably watched it 4x and i can't believe how long ago we were the ones making a rush video. oh how times have changed (and how OLD this makes me feel). but its good to know those baylor kappas are still some of the funnest girls around :)

okay, i've decided to join the ranks on formspring, a new site where people can ask you any question they want. got a burning question? go ahead and ask!

http://www.formspring.me/molliedb

i've been wishing for a while that lily would sit still long enough to watch an episode of ANYTHING on television. i mean is 22 minutes too long to ask for peace and quiet??

she has slowly been taking to dora and usually in the morning when eve is napping i can get it to hold her attention long enough for me to clean the kitchen and get the day organized. this morning i pushed play on dora the explorer and dora was exclaiming 'say map! say map!'

lily threw her head over her shoulder indignantly and said 'i don't want to!!'

at least i'm not the only one she talks back to.

thankful. i'm incredibly thankful.

thankful to be a person of faith and that the holy spirit has carried me through so many days lately. let's face it, dealing with separation anxiety vs. being buried in a collapsed building in haiti? i have it pretty darn good. yet the holy spirit is with me every moment, carrying me and guiding me and giving me the strength that i need to face the every day challenges that i face being a mother, a wife, a sister, a business owner, a friend, a daughter.

i often feel like i have learned more about my relationship with God through having my children. when they whine and cry for something just beyond their reach, i think 'is that how i sound to God when i am not getting exactly what i want, the moment i want it?' or when they can't fully understand my love for them or my reasons for discipline i think 'they don't quite have the capacity to understand this fully, yet i will persevere... is that how God feels about his love for me and my limited understanding of who He is in fullness?'

and so i plug along, wondering if i am living a fraction of the life that God has planned for me and when and where i will choose to impact more than the small circle of influence that i currently reside comfortably within. i know there is so much more for me to do, yet some days it is all i can do to just make it through the day with my patience and sanity in tact. and in truth, it is God who carries me through.

God is good. i'm thankful for that.

i tried to tape lily singing the song for you, but she wasn't that into it, so i promised her a candy cane if she sang it (we have a gazillion tiny ones left from the holidays). here is our best take. i think the end is the best part :)



the song actually goes:

have patience, have patience
don't be in such a hurry
have patience, have patience
don't even start to worry
remember, remember
that God is patient too
and think of all the times
that others have to wait for you

pure sweetness

there is irony in this conversation.


lily: mommy... mommy... mom... mommy... ma... mommymommymommymommy...

me: YES?! what is it lily?

lily: can we sing the patience song?

man eve had me fooled. all the sweet smiles, easy going personality, and cute giggles had me thinking she was going to be a piece of cake. little miss has recently embraced her personal freedom of crawling and standing and i found her doing this yesterday.

now i must point out that my 2.5 year old has NEVER unrolled toilet paper so i truly was surprised to find her doing this!!

merry christmas and happy new year! well... i think that gets us all caught up :)

no? okay, let's see... we hosted my family for christmas in austin this year! hooray! it was our first christmas EVER to be in austin and at home on christmas morning. what a treat to not be travelling all day from house to house and sleep in our own beds. lily LOVED christmas morning and loved having lucy & charlie (and the gang) at our house opening presents.

there was a moment around 7:30am sitting on the floor in the livingroom in my pajamas with a cup of coffee in one hand, eve in my lap, lily playing with a toy from her stocking, and a fire in the fireplace that i just looked at kevin and said 'i love you'. it was my perfect christmas moment. i can't wait to have another one next year.

we went up to dallas to celebrate with kevin's family and so enjoyed catching up with them and watching lily play with her cousins. i got to visit with friends and see my favorite 3 month old, link.

now that we are back home, we're trying to settle into a routine again and i now understand why parents love it when school starts up again. i'm so glad lily has school today- i'm worn out! i'm already back in the thick of work and though i thought january would be a bit of down-time for me, its turning out quite busy! we are very blessed in so many ways and it has never been clearer than in the past few weeks.

the last tid bit that should bring you completely up to date would be that kevin and i started P90X last night and i can tell i'm going to be insanely sore later today. the host is unbearably in love with himself, so as long as we can stand that for 89 more days, i really am happy we are doing this together! not only is it an hour every day that we are hanging out (honestly, we don't always get an hour alone!!) but i'm happy to be attempting to reclaim a fraction of pre-baby fitness.

i'll be sure to post more about P90X as long as my fingertips aren't too sore to type.

i was a teeny tiny bit jealous when i saw all of the pictures posted lately of kids playing in the snow. making snow angels, snow men, wearing cute hats and sporting cold noses.

but then i came to my senses and thanked my lucky stars that i could rake the leaves in a tank top today with my barefoot child playing right alongside me :) after naps we went on a walk and played around in a field near our house. it was a gorgeous afternoon.

well christmas is here in three days and i have made it through the insanity of holiday season both with work and life in general.

we have made it to this point in one piece, but we are down to two wise men and one shepherd in lily's nativity set. we're also missing an angel. heck, i figure as long as mary, joseph, and baby jesus make it to the 25th, its a victory for all involved.

i have a few last minute things i am going to try to get accomplished, but really i'm just ready for some down-time and want to enjoy the miracle of jesus' birth without being concerned about what present isn't wrapped and if there are enough clean guest towels.

merry christmas to you and yours. i really hope you're getting to take deep breaths and soak up the wonder of the season. at least one of us should ;)

its so COLD outside. we are red-nosed in less than 5 minutes these days and actually have to wear COATS! the scandal! :)

the leaves have finally fallen and we raked some together for a little fun in the front yard. of course being outside these days means that we must go visit the mary&joseph down the street.

well who knew that lessons in sharing could be turned against you by a two-year-old.

she is constantly trying to stake her claim on toys, swings, even rocks! in typical toddler fashion she is still living in a world that revolves around her and she is just now starting to learn how to be generous and loving and share with others.

one of my tag lines is 'lily, that is not yours, it is for everybody'. today she turned it against me. we were eating lunch and i asked her to finish her peas and she cleverly said 'mommy, those aren't mine they are for everybody'.

priceless.

they're here! they're here!!!

ruby and tess

i want to see this. bad.

conversation with lily this morning:


l: can mommy get the cheese off my toast?
(pointing at a few yellowy white remnants of butter that didnt melt)
m: lil, that's butter not cheese
l: i no like cheese
m: its butter, you like butter
l: can mommy get it off?
m: no, its butter. its all spread on the whole toast, i promise you like it.
(lily stares at the toast)
m: just try it lil
(lily gently licks the little yellow white pat in the corner of her toast, realizing how wonderfully delicious melted butter can be)
l: can i have more butter please?

that's my girl. :)