love.

i love that kevin loves playing guitar for his girls (no matter how many times lily asks him to stop). i love that it calms annie more than anything other than nursing. i love watching my husband and his daughters.

summer is off to a good start :)

it is too bad she doesn't have any fun around here...

i thought we had until 2012, but apparently the rapture is saturday? at least those mayans gave me an extra 7 months. saturday seems awfully soon. i'm not ready but really would i be any more ready 7 months from now? i'll probably be busy planning a first birthday party and be distracted by christmas.

i think it is safe to say that if i'm afraid of anything, its death. not the dying part, the judgement part. so really a rapture doesn't solve much for me since it isn't the dying so much as the answering for myself that i'd like to skip.

there is a super cheesy song whose lyrics describe that moment as 'Will I dance for you Jesus, Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence, Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja, Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine'. i will just say that i can't imagine that moment, clearly. but when i try to i pretty much see myself as a blubbering crazy person who is apologizing profusely for largely being an asshole.

the other day i was reading a NY Times article about an artist living in west texas and i showed kevin the pictures of the house he has built and the gadgets he has invented to do things like wash laundry by riding on a bicycle- kevin asked 'so you want to go live off the grid now?' i laughed, but thinking about it later i thought definitively 'no way'. the last thing i want or need is to be even MORE focused on myself and secluded from others. being a mom of 3 under 4 is isolating enough.

it is my community that is keeping me afloat, headed in the right direction for that final day. not the ending, but the beginning. my sister keeps me sane. my friends keep me laughing. my church small group keeps me connected. my husband keeps me from running away. (haha, kidding... sort of). my husband keeps me feeling loved.

my kids.... my kids. my kids keep me close to God by creating situations where i need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. often. God bless 'em.

here's hoping these crazy people are wrong about tomorrow (and i am quite sure they are) but if they are right, i hope to see you there- hold my hand if you can. if they are wrong, maybe i can be in a place in 7 months of less fear. and while we are planning a better december, here's to a small first birthday party and a christmas full of spirit, not of credit card bills.

busy. busy busy busy. life as a gerbil on a wheel is about to get a bit more furiously fast since thursday is our last with the two big 'uns in school until next september *tears*

i'm not sure what we are going to do all summer but swim lessons are next week and hopefully we will be able to get in some quality pool time, cool off in the museums, and take a few fun trips. any suggestions or ideas to make the summer fly by are welcomed :)

Annie is happy

i'm gonna miss this face and i'll only be gone for 24 hours.

i'm afraid i just don't get it. when people jokingly warn you about the day your child realizes you are completely un-cool and asks you to drop them off around the corner and thinks your opinion is bunk. i just don't get it because i never went through that phase.

i held my mom's hand in public... in high school. i waited on the steps of school scanning every car with anticipation excited to see her when she picked me up. to this day not much time passes between me putting my head in her lap.

so i will choose to live in denial that my children could ever feel differently of me and be thankful for my mom who showed me that its possible to be both a mother and later a close friend without compromise.

i love you mom! happy mother's day.

Eve's abc

a) i have no idea when/how she learned this. i take no credit.
b) a glimpse into the ADD of a 2 year old...

dear genevieve,

you are two. the last twenty four months of my life have been spent reveling in you. you are generous with your love, live life to the fullest, and are my wonderful girl.

you are pure sweetness to the core, but laced with a devilish obstinance that is sure to surface more and more in the coming year. when you climb into my lap to cuddle my heart leaps. i can't get enough of your affection. you hold my face in your hands before you kiss me and it makes me melt a little each time.

you are smart as a whip and adore your sisters. the way you live life with gusto is enviable and reminds me to throw caution to the wind a bit more often. you go with the flow- a trait that is more appreciated by this crazed mom than you may ever know. this year you went from being the one that shook things up at our house to my stable rock i could count on amidst the chaos.

you are a messy messy eater and laugh as you put a single raspberry on each finger before yelling out 'razz hands!'. you repeat everything I say- even when I say 'echo!' which tends to make others laugh.

your favorite things are your mimi (bunny blanket), juice & oatmeal, cakes of any sort, and being loved. i am one lucky mama to have you in my life.

happy birthday sweetness.

our first child was a terrible sleeper. had a suck sleep association which eventually led to wakings every 45min-1.5hours ALL NIGHT. ferber rocked our world in about 2 nights and since then she has slept ah-may-zing. she's nearly 4 and still sleeps great, takes naps, loves her bed.

my 2nd child was (and still is) an easy going dream. no sleep training necessary. i attributed this to my improved parenting skills ;)

then came annie. she's not a terrible sleeper. she was doing awesome there for a while- waking just once a night to nurse while sleeping 7:30pm-6am. then it all went to pot. for the past month she has been getting up about 4x a night. this doesn't work for several reasons which include the fact that i cannot be a zombie and work or take care of my children.

after a particularly hard week with very little sleep, we decided to reacquaint ourselves with dr. ferber and give it a shot. ONE night with ONE measly crying session that lasted less than 30 minutes (so really less than she has cried in the car at one time) was all it took. she woke up and cried out a few other times before going back to sleep. the 2nd night, she only nursed once. the third night, she only nursed once.

in fact, tonight i woke up at 3:30 to the sounds of her coo'ing in her bed. so we've gone from screaming bloody murder 4x a night to waking once while rolling around pleasantly. i'll consider that a success thankyouverymuch.

the other improvement is naps. i have had to rock this child into a sleepy oblivion for 4 naps a day and now i am laying her down totally awake but calm and she's napping. i can't tell you how much this changes the game. trying to quietly rock a baby for 30 or more minutes at a time, four or more times a day when you have a toddler and a preschooler roaming your house can be a hard pill to swallow. i fully admit these are the complications of having so many kids, so young in age but its nice to know i won't have to emerge from a dark room to find my children putting on makeup in my bathroom anymore.

all this to say, ferber gets an awfully bad rap sometimes but frankly i'd give the guy a big kiss if i could. and now, i think i'll go get some more sleep :)

happy day

happy anniversary

six years & three kids later i can't wait to go on a date with my husband tonight. i am married to such a wonderful friend, faithful partner, and someone i genuinely admire and adore. i love you, kevin!

you can continue this trip down memory lane with more pics on the photo blog :)

so i was feeling a little resentful this week when i realized my church (that i LOVE) is not having any kind of church service sunday morning for easter. instead they are opting for an afternoon celebration, communion, and cookout with the homeless downtown. i haven't ever been part of a church that was so completely invested in others and while i appreciate that more than i can express, i was a little bummed. my initial reaction was 'really? does everything have to be different??'

there are so many lovely memories of childhood that surround easter for me. i will always remember standing next to my mom wearing a gardenia corsage that my dad gave us every single year watching her cry as she sings 'christ the lord is risen today'. every year there was an easter egg hunt with hot pursuit of the 'dollar egg' by all three of us kids. i think we dyed eggs until i was 21 or so. (and i'm the youngest child!)

i was looking longingly at the smocked dresses in the girls' closet then i read a blog entry about the intention behind the big downtown celebration of passover instead of a traditional service. my favorite quote was "So between ages 0-32, I celebrated Easter the fun way: with bunnies, baskets, and expensive clothes. I mean, what better way to say “Jesus reigns” than dressing my preschooler in a $45 dress to show her off in the church lobby? (You’re welcome, Jesus. Be blessed.)"

it was enough to make me laugh and shake off my hang ups and decide that i guess i can get on board with this new way to celebrate that jesus proclaimed our freedom and showed us the full extent of his love. (you can read the whole blog entry HERE if you're interested)

now before you go calling me hippy dippy, be sure you hear that i know it is all about your intentions. neither celebration is right or wrong, and both are pointless when the message gets lost in the pomp and circumstance.

Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!
Sons of men and angels say, Alleluia!
Raise your joys and triumphs high, Alleluia!
Sing, ye heavens, and earth reply, Alleluia!

Lives again our glorious King, Alleluia!
Where, O death, is now thy sting? Alleluia!
Once he died our souls to save, Alleluia!
Where's thy victory, boasting grave? Alleluia!

Soar we now where Christ has led, Alleluia!
Following our exalted Head, Alleluia!
Made like him, like him we rise, Alleluia!
Ours the cross, the grave, the skies, Alleluia!

Annie loves sit ups

best personal trainer ever. i'll do just about as many situps as i can stand when she smiles like this every time.

ever seen the way a baby smiles so big it looks like their smile is bigger than their whole face? yeah, that's the stuff.

oh tina fey, how i love you. your wit, your intelligence, your ability to make me hold my sides from laughter. she has outdone herself again. in her new book 'bossypants' she includes a prayer for her daughter that had me giggling pretty hard.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

i have a two year old. again.

it is hard to believe that my genevieve joined us just 24 months ago, but she is officially 2. i kinda make a big deal about birthdays. ok actually, i kinda make a HUGE deal out of birthdays. i was looking forward all night to coming into eve's room in the morning to be the first to wish her a happy birthday. lily beat me to it.

i was enjoying my cup of coffee this morning with my mom when i heard it come across the monitor... lily's little voice singing her sister the birthday song. it was one of those 'grab your heart' moments when you feel the breath squeeze out of you because you can't believe you are lucky enough to have such sweet girls.

just yesterday when we were anticipating GaGa's arrival i had the girls outside and they were running with their arms askew calling out 'suuuuuuper sisters!' they never cease to amaze me. and of course these are the moments i choose to reflect on when other parts of the day include eve being dragged by her arm down the sidewalk by her grumpy big sis.

all in all eve had a fabulous day. her birthday party was small and perfection. she adored the petting zoo and the cupcakes, she was surrounded by friends & family, and had a giant smile on her face all morning. to me, that is a big success.

Eve the fibber

talk about the sins of our fathers... eve is a scary good liar just like her mama was! i'm in for it.

Annie rolling

annie is a rolling fool! she has been flipping over back to front all day and of course the one time i whip out the camera to video tape it she ends up in some weird see-saw but i love it nonetheless. she's been going front to back for a while, but the back to front action is all new!

we never ever do nothin nice and easy. we always do it nice and rough.

my girl- rollin' on the river ;)


it has taken me at least a month to get a series of her rolling, but here it is. my favorite is the third one- face meets carpet. there are more insanely adorable (if i do say so myself) pictures of her on the photo blog.

go check out my sweet annie on the photo blog. LOVE her

three year olds. can't live with 'em, can't give em away.

we were late to the 'terrible threes' game. heck, i don't think we even really hit the 'terrible twos' to be perfectly honest. really in the scheme of things lily is still an easy kid, but her new found desire to test every. single. boundary. is wearing on me.

what i have realized over and over again as a parent is that the challenges we have with our children are reflections of ourselves. our selfishness. our obstinance. our greed. really, just our brokenness.

i asked lily this morning to have compassion for her sister. after about half a second of calm she started demanding attention and more from me again (to put it in perspective she was crying about my iphone's crummy netflix connection while her sister was sweaty, half asleep, covered in urine, had just been catheterized twice, pricked for a blood test, and given an antibiotic shot). i nearly lost it. i won't lie. i was a degree away from my boiling point and then i saw it. me. in her.

how many times should my heart be breaking for someone and instead i am concerned only with myself? what unjust stories or situations do i encounter only to moments later make life all about ME again rather than justice. if i am disappointed and my patience is running thin, i should really be sad for myself and thankful for redemption.

aaaaand eve has a kidney infection. when it rains it pours! glad she has been diagnosed and got an antibiotic shot to speed her on her way to recovery.

the pukes. we had 'em. it was NOT pretty. first came kevin, a day passed and i naively thought we were in the clear. then it got us. oh how the mighty have fallen.

nothing makes you NOT miss college days more than a night spent on a bathroom floor in a haze of heaving repeating to yourself 'this cannot last forever. it has to end at some point'. am i right?

so i start today on little sleep, home with three little ones who each have different needs, walking in circles with the baby in her room willing her to sleep for her first nap while praying something to the affect of 'really, God? surely we had bigger plans for my life?'

i need an attitude adjustment and that typically comes in a warm cup of coffee, however my trip to the pantry this morning yielded nothing of the sort. lily saw my dismay and patted my hand and said 'its okay mommy, you can have water for breakfast'. oh sweet lily, thanks for trying to make me feel better.

i realize this has turned into mostly a pity party. i just feel lately like my priorities and perspective are just off. and i don't know what will change that. for now i will have to be thankful for my family, our cozy shelter on a rainy day, and somehow figure out how to get my three to the grocery store for caffeine.

it is about that time of year...

more pics on the photo blog

you know you got good incriminating video of your husband when he realizes you're filming and yells 'aw man you're going to post this!' then launches into a string of profanity in an attempt to make your video unusable.

people, let it be known that my husband is very very particular about his jeans. i tried to edit the video of evidence but you can't really hear him anyway. darnit.

i broke a promise yesterday. when we found out #3 was on the way i swore to kevin that i wouldn't get emotional when she outgrew her newborn clothes and be all swoony about tiny onesies. i lied.

the sad part is, i am just now getting through the boxes of clothes that were returned to us after being on loan to my sister's twins and there is so much stuff and so little time that i finally found the box of my favorite newborn clothes that my girls wore and its too late. they are too small already to fit my growing susanna.

in a futile fashion i scooped them up and breathed in, but they only smelled like cardboard box. their moments to cuddle newborn skin and get swaddled up have passed. i pulled out the very first piece of newborn clothing i ever bought. in fact it was a gown i bought and gave to kevin to tell him we were pregnant with lily. i found the white footed pajamas made of the softest cotton i've ever felt that lily wore the day we came home from the hospital (once we changed her out of some ridiculous dress). i found the gown covered in moons and stars that eve, my 'little star', wore home from the hospital.

it really isn't about the clothes and contrary to most men's fears, it really isn't even about wanting another child. it is a realization that i have held my last newborn. when i see a pregnant woman with her big round belly, i'll smile in a memory instead of in hopefulness or anticipation. it is a letting go of a whole phase of life that in a lot of ways we are more than happy to see end- but also brought us some of the happiest days of our life.

before you know it i'm going to be the woman in the checkout line at the grocery store asking how old your baby is and saying 'well my baby graduates from high school this year'. of course you have to take this with a grain of salt knowing it is from the girl who cried her eyes out about school ending every year. i've never handled change or 'endings' well.

someone asked me not too long ago, if money were no object how many children would you want to have? my response- as many as i could fit into my house that wanted to be there! i'm not entirely convinced we're done becoming parents but i am quite sure we are done making babies. so with open arms and a happy heart full of the most wonderful memories i will keep packing up the tiniest clothes that my girls surely never were small enough to wear. and i will wait to see what God has for us next.

sharing a room means i get to wake up to giggles every morning

the sisterhood of the messy pants (lily) and her mad scientist sister (eve) is progressing along at a beautiful pace.

this week the girls and i made our first trip to dallas to see friends and take advantage of my mom's spring break for some good visiting time. lily and eve shared a room for the first time and actually did way better than i had anticipated. yes, there were moments such as when i found lily poking eve's face saying 'wake uppppp' but those were trumped by listening to eve call out song requests and lily obliging with her out-of-tune toddler voice. all in all it was a big success.

eve hasn't been a big fan of bedtime lately and returning home tonight was no exception. after 5 minutes of her pathetic little 'row row boat?' pleading and whimpers if i made any sort of move towards the door, i asked if she wanted to sleep in lily's room. 'uh HUH uh HUH!!' was her response as she blew past me out the door and across the hall. i brought her mattress and laid it on the floor along with some ground rules for a very excited lily. after i shut the door my heart nearly burst when i heart 'goodnight eve!'.....'ni ni, lil'

i'm sure it will not be without its struggles but to know eve takes so much comfort in her sister's presence and that lily is pleased as punch to share her space makes me happy.

a few pictures from today. the swing set is starting to take shape in the backyard and kevin let them sit on what will soon be a tree house of sorts. just look at those (pudding covered) faces.

speaking of pudding face

our spectator

and the mad scientist

beware the ides of march. the best advice caesar ever got and ignored. the ides of march have majorly messed with me in the past as well, so maybe i'm best off staying home today :)

once they introduced me to a 5 year on-again off-again boyfriend whose presence in life i would have been better off without by all counts. last year i got knocked up.

fingers crossed for no life-changers today.

we headed to the rodeo today! i kid you not, i heard lily shriek with joy at least 30 times and she had a giant smile plastered on her face the entire time. it should also go without saying that she chose her attire for the day about a week ago when i mentioned we would hopefully be attending the rodeo soon.

having kids has been a crazy trip so far, but getting to do 'firsts' with your litte ones really is the icing on the cake. today was lily and eve's first ferris wheel with daddy and their first merry-go-round with me. it was a fabulous day all around.

this weekend we also inherited a killer wooden swing/playset for our backyard via a friend of my sister's and that deserves a whole post of its own. i'll share more once its up in our backyard and i can get some pictures. trust me, you will need pictures to go along with this story.

and speaking of pictures- here are a few from today, more on flikr

worth. i've been preparing myself to consider worth this week during lent and its blowing my mind a little bit.

for my own reasons, not through the prompting of the lent study, i also decided to cut out social internet use for these 40 days. i was on my way to meet my friend bonnie for dinner and started thinking about the past few days of not updating facebook. there have been several hilarious lily-isms, eve continues to blow my mind daily with her verbal explosion, and there are always cute pictures of my brood that i want to easily share.

i've either kept all of these things to myself, called a friend or family member to tell the tale, or sent an email with a shareworthy snapshot. but what struck me tonight was the thought that normally i think these everyday happenings are not only important to me, but in some way should be relevant or important to others. when really, there are so many more relevant or important things i would rather my friends consider other than my witty comment about child rearing.

fast forward to contemplating my lent story today and the subsequent suggestions on what to sacrifice this week. i read a few of them and thought 'but i'm nursing a baby! i can't nurse a baby and fast.' or 'but i'm barely getting any sleep as it is, i can't go without my pillow this week' and then i realized how much resistance i have created against the idea of being uncomfortable. as if worldly comfort is the ultimate goal.

so i sit here wondering at 5am (thanks to annie) why do i care what 600 facebook friends think about me? i should find my worth not in their valuation of me but in the simple fact that i am God's child. why do i think i will not survive for a week without everyday luxuries like pillows or socks? how ridiculous that the idea of being without such trivial items is such a shocking concept.

this turned into mostly rambling, but so far lent is kicking my butt.

bless my children for putting up with my shenanigans.

i may or may not have attempted an 'american gothic' with them during annie's nap...

and sadly this is the best we could do.

you can't even see eve's overalls. and every time i told lily to make a grumpy face eve busted out a furrowed brow as well. i'm sure it was entertaining for the people at the park overhearing my art direction of a not-quite-two-year-old.

and for a good laugh- some outtakes...

Ash Wednesday : A Franciscan Blessing

May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen

May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen

May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen

May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen

And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen

Join me in daily reflection this lent HERE

this morning i found a blackened piece of what was supposed to be toast in the oven. it was being broiled within an inch of recognition about half an hour after the girls finished breakfast (sans toast). momnesia claims another victim.

in sunnier news, the ice cream truck made its first appearance of the season today. we live on a park and are lucky that the truck comes by a few times a week whenever its warm outside. maybe i'm just nostalgic, but there's something about a drippy bombpop that just feels like childhood.

my girls were tortured as it spent about 20 minutes on the other side of the park fulfilling children's requests (and one pajama clad woman i can only guess was home sick). i wouldn't let them run across the park without me and annie was asleep inside the house. i had to promise to lily about 30 times that he wouldn't drive off without coming by our house and we flagged him down successfully!

as middle and eldest enjoyed their strawberry sno cones, tiny slept soundly inside and i started to look forward to summer even more.

Lily pretends

our first time playing 'birthday party'



lily is a big fan of make believe... especially when she's the center of attention :)

moody susanna

sweet susanna

workout time at my house has become a fruitful breeding ground for folly lately. babies crying, lily doing yoga with me, you just never know what will happen while i workout in front of the tv.

you see, i still have 3 more weeks until i can take annie to childcare at the gym (i am genuinely counting down the days) and since the elastic on my maternity pants seems to be all that can handle my post baby girth right now, i have taken things into my own hands with a mixture of p90x & insanity with a little 'couch to 5k' thrown in for good measure.

today i did my p90x kenpo (fancy word for kickboxing) video and managed to back-kick over a kitchen chair and punch myself in the chin.

those are the moments i am happy to be dealing with these lbs in the privacy of my own home. hopefully by the time i make it to the gym i will have regained a little of my pre-baby coordination?

annie will grow up either loving or hating 'smooth criminal'. judging by the number of adaptations we've come up with today alone, i'm guessing it will be the latter.

versions today included:

annie are you poopy? are you poopy...are you poopy, annie?

annie are you smiling? are you smiling...at your mommy, annie?

annie where's your swaddle? your swaddle...where's your swaddle, annie?

on one hand i would feel genuinely terrible keeping her from what could be a true love of all things michael jackson, but on the other hand i could be preventing her from getting into a lot of trouble with her mama's p.y.t. dance from college. its really a toss up.

parenting and becoming a mom, especially of a preschooler, has taught me to see things differently in more ways than i can enumerate.

while you may see a front yard constantly cluttered with random balls, pillows, and a bat- i see a house where my girls spend nearly every afternoon gallivanting around the yard waiting to see who can spot daddy's car first as he rounds the corner home at the end of the day.

while you may see a child wearing a disaster of an outfit and wonder if she realizes her shoes are on the wrong feet- i see a little girl whose budding personality drives her to seek out all things 'dark pink', that proudly dresses herself the minute she wakes up in the morning, and has mastered putting on her shoes all by herself.

while you may see a mother irresponsibly using treats as a bribe- i recognize a mom doing her best to make it through the grocery store with three babes who knows the power of a doughnut.

while you may see a lady with random stains on her shirt and a messy ponytail- i see a mom who has been able to let go of perfection and who knows her children only look for her smile to warm them, eyes to comfort them, and hand to hold onto no matter what she is wearing.

while you may see me and think i'm keeping it all together- i know how fragile our peace really is and how much i appreciate every day we make it through with laughter and hugs.

i've never been more happy to be given a new perspective on it all. and never more thankful for the 'under 4 feet' crowd who is determined to keep me young, silly, and seeing things their way.

lily: i want to watch a movie on the line
me: huh? what movie?
lily: the movies on the line
me: what line??
lily: the LINE! where there's lots of movies to pick
me: OHH!! online! you want to watch a movie online!
lily: yes! on the line!

duh mom.

lily is my little buddy. i think there are moments when we both miss the days when we could just focus on each other. i had a bit of an overwhelming day today and after kevin bathed the girls and she was in her nightgown i just decided lily and i needed some time together.

i asked her to go on a treasure hunt with me and she immediately yelled 'YES!' and grabbed a bowl (to carry all of the treasures in of course)

while she grabbed the bowl, i grabbed my camera.


a few pics- click to see them bigger





she jumped right in to the spirit of the walk- even dubbing a part of the journey an 'enchanted forest' where we weren't allowed to talk. i am so happy that the days are getting longer and the weather has warmed up. we both needed this. big time.

every day i am one step farther away from having babies. every day it makes me just a little bit sad knowing this phase of life is so brief and is only getting shorter.

and yet every day i look forward to it all the same.

i'm having one of those days when i just need an extra breath of fresh air. thankfully its going to be in the 70s all week. i foresee lots of time spent outside. please cooperate, miss annie. mama needs a decent night of sleep (ie. longer than an hour and a half at a time) and some time with the warmth of the sun on my face.

its hard to be a light when you feel like your flame keeps getting blown out.

want to win some really gorgeous jewelry for yourself (or someone you love) that supports a fabulous cause AND provides a fair wage to the artisans that create it? jump over to my photo blog for details & enter the giveaway.

no matter what, definitely bookmark the noonday collection for future gift giving and retail therapy :)

snow dayyyy!!! what a treat for my born and bred texas gals to wake up to a dusting of snow. it was just enough to make a few snowballs & run around in our brief version of a winter wonderland. they really loved it!



more pics HERE.

Jump!

learning new skills on a cold pajama day

eve: bird! bird!
me: right, eve! that is a parrot!
lily: oh mommy, its a mccaw, not a parrot!

i stand corrected.

i keep getting questions about the change in my camera bag from canon to nikon. i wish i had a great reason for the change, but in the end it was primarily fueled by curiosity, theft, and a tinge of boredom.

here's the whole story. my camera bag was stolen in november out of my car. it had two cameras, two lights, and four lenses in it along with various batteries, memory cards, and sundry items. all in all we are talking over ten thousand dollars. ouch, right? surprisingly i shed very few tears over the situation though i did let a few fall the night it happened out of frustration.

after a lovely round of phone calls to my insurance company, the majority of it was covered and i was faced with the dubious task of rebuilding the entirety of my equipment even down to the camera bag itself.

lots of canon faithfuls are jumping ship to nikon these days due to focus issues and i wasn't sure i'd love nikon but i gave it a shot. i still didn't LOVE it but i was impressed with the focus. i mean those suckers are sharp and consistent. i didn't (and still don't) love the color, but that is a learning and adjustment process.

when it came down to it, i made spreadsheets of cost comparison, i tried out a friend's d700 and ordered both from amazon for some comparison as well. i kept the nikon. i still miss my canon sometimes.

as for the boredom, i was 'diagnosed' in college with something called 'too many aptitudes' meaning essentially that new skills in general come too easily to me, which lends itself to me enjoying new projects but then dropping interest quickly when i try something else, and never feeling challenged enough to really dig deep into most subjects. basically its a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none syndrome... so i figured maybe switching to nikon would re-ignite a bit of a challenge on the photography front.

so when you get down to brass tacks, there wasn't much of a reason and i still love that beautiful canon glass. i'm enjoying my new equipment and am looking forward to getting to know it better this spring when i start working again.

in case anyone was wondering when the 'princess' phase hits, in our experience it was right around 3 1/2. i just watched the entirety of 'beauty and the beast' with a little girl wearing a sparkly gown, glitter shoes, and a felt crown who insisted on having her hair bow changed to match the current color of belle's gown throughout the movie. thankfully she really only wears three colors...

in fact while typing this i just heard lily say 'okay eve, you're the wolf. chase me and my prince will come save me'

i'm not sure if this whole thing makes my head hurt or if i'm amused. i definitely love seeing how excited she gets about it. the other day kevin asked if she was going to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer (don't get me started on his choice of options) and her response was 'daddy! i'm going to grow up to be a princess!'

she wasn't too fond of me when i told her that we don't really get to be princesses. i guess she has kate middleton on her side of the argument, but goodness i just wanted to give the poor child a dose of perspective! :)

Introducing Annie

she must have known how badly i needed this...