eve's musical genius

her quirky personality wins me over every day.

Best Job | P&G London 2012 Olympic Games Film

i read an article a few days ago that said after interviewing high level athletes the most common thing they claimed as the best thing their parents said about their sport was 'i love watching you play'. that really got me- not 'great job' or 'you are so good' but 'i love to watch you'.

i love everything about that statement. good or bad, win or lose, i LOVE to watch you is what it boils down to. and along that sentiment, here is the best commercial i've seen in a while...

i stood outside on the back porch of our new house today staring up at the stars. they sure are bright out there. i thought they were pretty darn bright at our old house, but i see now that i was wrong.

as excited as i am about this new chapter, i have a twinge -okay maybe more than a twinge- of sadness. y'all know change and i aren't exactly friends! the truth of it is, i have lived in this house longer than any other in my life that i can recall. we moved a lot growing up and 5 years is oddly enough a record.

the girl moving out of this house is so starkly different from the girl who moved in. i was giantly pregnant, managing accounts from home, eager to meet my first baby and still in many ways a newlywed. i move out as a self-employed mom of three beautiful little ladies finding my way as a community member and happily married to my best friend. i never would have dared to hope for the amazing blessings we have experienced while living here. i am so eager to see what this next chapter holds, but nervous that nothing could be as wonderful as these years in our little house on the park.

i'll leave you with this precious iphone shot of my girls at the new pad today.  i can't wait to see them on these steps on christmas morning!

happy happy third birthday, miss genevieve

there are blog posts being shared around lately about not letting pinterest and other over achieving moms make you feel bad about yourself. some answer that your worth is in your kids' eyes.

i'll be honest, its a sweet sentiment, but i just can't get on board. kids let you down. no matter how dearly you love them, your family will disappoint you. building up my worth based on people who are imperfect does nothing but set myself up to be let down.

certainly it is easier said than done but if i am comparing myself to moms who make fancy bento box lunches while my kids eat room temperature turkey, i'm making that mom into an idol. transferring that valuation of myself to my kids' eyes or my husbands' doesn't change that i am only seeing my worth as a reflection of how someone else needs/loves/values me.

i heard an old song today while driving. isn't it weird how you can go 10 or 20 years without hearing a song and the lyrics still in some magic way find their way to your lips? the song belts out "I want to leave a legacy, How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering."

so i will continue to try my darndest to not compare myself to other moms. i will also try to not find my identity solely as a mother or wife. i will call myself a child of God because that is who HE calls me. i am loved for that simple and most important of all reason. thank God.

i remember the distinct feeling as our flight home from haiti descended towards the fort lauderdale airport of how organized everything looked below us. straight streets and grids of houses with orderly traffic signals. i hadn't seen anything like it in haiti. chaos. there everything was curved lines, crowded, houses on top of houses on top of houses.

the woman next to kevin and i on our flight was on her first trip to america. she had the window seat and in her broken english and my awful creole we conversed upon takeoff long enough for me to teach her to use her seat belt and her to say it was the first flight she had ever taken.

as the plane flew beneath the clouds, i saw the florida landscape through her eyes. so flat, so intentional, so clean, so vanilla boring. oh how i wished we spoke the same language. i had so many questions for her.

kevin's version of packing his bedside table:
open box, move contents of drawers to box. close and label box.

my version of packing my bedside table:
open box, open drawer, make stack of all hair bands and miscellaneous earrings that have found their way into the top drawer. open book to the folded page and try to remember when i was reading it last. thumb through an issue of the discontinued 'domino' magazine and lament its untimely demise.

you see, this is why it takes me approximately 10x longer to pack anything than my husband and might just drive him a little bit crazy. it is also how i came to spend an hour on saturday reading my journal from 2003.

2003 was the best of times and the worst of times. 'a tale of two cities' had nothing on my life that year. what pulled me in when i casually thumbed open the spiral was how un-like me the writing sounded. how sad, distant, lost. i started wondering how i ever got to such a low point in my life and how absolutely broken i would be if one of my girls ever wrote the things i was reading.

i was in a terrible awful no good relationship and frankly it was a close call. i made it out by the skin of my teeth and within a year i was healthy again, training for triathlons, making new friends, moving into a positive living situation, and meeting my soul mate. reading it was fascinating and made me so thankful that God has a plan and that it was for me to prosper and not to harm me.

last night watching 'glee' i love love loved blaine's version of 'somebody that i used to know' and for the first time in a long time i feel like i could maybe possibly let go of the anger i have held onto in the back of my heart for the last 8 years. anger at myself mostly for getting myself into that place. letting go means i can see those choices as a part of how i got to be who i am now.

(and as i type this last sentence my children are dancing 'ballet' to the song linked above and i can't be anything but thankful.)

oh boy. where do i begin? longstanding silence aside, things are good around here! we are moving in just under two weeks, work is absolutely insane (in a good way!) and i've been working on lots of side projects as well (seriously what am i thinking?!).

today was our last real holiday in our house. eve's birthday party will be the last hurrah next weekend then we are closing the chapter on this little house that has loved us so well.

looking through the very few pictures i took today of our easter celebrations i laughed at this one. it is so telling of their personalities. lily already dressed to the 9's for the day in pink. eve wearing whatever in the world it is she is wearing (clearly following her own unique sense of style) and annie is along for the ride in halloween footie jammies- just happy to be included.

my three. i couldn't love them any more than i do right this moment!



after a day of packing and hanging out at home, we headed downtown for our church's grillout with the homeless. it is a semi-monthly event year-round but a tradition on easter. the girls enjoyed themselves for about an hour before the lack of food (sorry, i wasn't going to let them cut in line for a burger in front of people who may have not had a hot meal in a while).

it was fun while it lasted though. lily danced a jig with a crazy bearded guy. annie begged for peanuts from a homeless guy on crutches. eve danced to her own music as usual (which was proven when the band stopped playing and she danced on!). i'm sad we didn't get to stay longer, but we were there long enough for communion and to share hugs with friends.

we ended up pinch hitting with a spaghetti dinner at home and got the girls in bed a good half hour before their usual bedtime. note to easter bunny: no candy in next year's basket. we seem to have paid the price for their giant sugar crash all afternoon :)

i hope your easter was memorable and meaningful. he is risen!

i was sitting at a client's house amazed by her sweetly behaved 5 year old twins when i spied a sticker chart in the hallway. i asked the kiddos about it and they excitedly said 'its our HAPPY HEART CHART!'

i asked mom more about it and she told me that when the kids started getting older, she wanted to tackle the attitude that starts to pop up along with their molars :) around 4 my struggles with lily started to be more about HOW she obeys, not IF she obeys. at one point a few weeks ago she actually crossed her arms and gave a loud 'humpf!' when she didn't want to do what i asked.

the chart is about spirit, about not just obeying but doing so with a positive, happy heart! needless to say i went to the store for posterboard and stickers and made two identical 'happy heart charts' and got lily and eve schooled in the wonders of a sticker chart immediately. we practiced a few common requests on my behalf (ie. can you please take your shoes upstairs and put them away?) and role played what their responses might look like with a grumpy attitude and then with a happy heart. eve particularly liked the over the top grumpy answers :)

both girls got on board and have been super excited to earn stickers. i have a 'surprise' box (aka old shoe box) that they can select one item from upon gaining 10 stickers and both girls chose candy necklaces as their first reward. i remind them often that we are ALL still learning to 'obey all the way, right away, with a happy heart'.

the proof is in the pudding- here is eve tonight with her booty. she earned 10 stickers this week!

(part 2 of ?)

the first night in haiti i took maybe the coldest shower of my life. we're not talking just 'not warm', we're talking 'was this water steeping in ice before it came through the shower head'? starting the mental list of things to be thankful for... 1) traffic laws 2) hot water heaters

we spent our saturday at the yaveh shamma orphanage, run by pastor gaetan (who has been dubbed 'best smile in haiti' and he deserves it!). we pulled up in our van outside the gated walls and my heart was in my throat. we have been sponsoring one of the children at the orphanage and the thought of meeting her and her friends had already brought me to tears several times before even leaving on our trip.

from the moment the gate rolled back we were swarmed by little hands, hugs, tugs, smiles, looks of yearning for love and affection. it was breathtaking, literally. i was glad to have on sunglasses so i didn't have to pretend i wasn't crying. i had at least 4-5 girls holding my hands, arms, waist pretty much the entire visit. if i could have just stayed there all week i am pretty sure that would have suited me just fine. looking around at their little faces full of hope and love, recognizing the little smiles from families at church who sponsor them, i was beside myself.

it is the overall emotion of that day along with the little moments of showing the kids pictures of my girls and hearing their sweet voices learn the names 'lileh, eef, anneh' that i will hold onto. their stories are heartbreaking but hopeful and we will continue to do what we can to improve life and potential at yaveh shamma.

sunday we spent the morning at church. i have never attended a service in another language and i spent a lot of time observing the attendees, the details. i was blessed to witness the positive affects of a microloan on one of the families at church and see other micro loans given out. the smile on his face when he held the check that his paintings earned him- this wasn't charity, not a hand-out. this was money he earned that will support his wife and child. it was priceless.

the hardest part of transcribing any of this is that the experience is in the details. it is in the people you pass on the side of the street selling produce, the smells and sights as you drive through town, the little orphan boy one pew over trying to capture your attention during a sermon in creole, the smiles and stories of everyone you meet. it is in the beauty and hope of this country that is so close to ours.

we left church one day last fall and looked at each other and i think i said something like 'i really want you to go to haiti' and kevin said something like 'i really want to go. i really want you to come with me'.

so we made it happen. it was a clear decision- we were not worried or uncertain. it was one of the clearest callings we have experienced and because of that i was excited, anxious, READY. we chose the next planned trip, just 3 short months away and didn't have much time to fundraise or prepare. in hindsight i think that was a good thing.

the morning we spent traveling to port au prince was probably the most fun we have had in quite some time. just laughing and joking with each other felt like a vacation in so many ways. by the time we made it to haiti we were already enjoying the group we traveled with. we didn't know any of our teammates until we arrived- another blessing in disguise.

our crew consisted of three married couples and 5 guys. a missionary, a faith blogger, a musician, a photographer, a techie, a firefighter, a teacher, a soccer referee, a pastor, a stylin mom, and me.

we were in the country a whole 15 minutes when we saw a woman die in the airport of what seemed like natural causes. the cultural differences were suddenly very apparent. the next cultural difference was quickly presented in the form of traffic. trust me, anyone who complains about austin traffic has never driven in port au prince.

when we made it to the pastor's house that would be our home for the week we felt so thankful and well taken care of. the girls' room was fairly empty with just 3 of us. truthfully we were all such different gals, but we got along famously. we stayed up late the first night laughing and talking and it felt like one part summer camp, one part college dorm room. i just know i was feeling thankful knowing i had these two amazing women with me for the week.

every person we met had an amazing story. our translators, our hosts, our cooks, our pastors. i just loved listening to each of them. we were there in haiti not to come with answers or to show haitians how to do things, but to be the students and supporters of the wonderful leaders already working so hard at improving life in haiti. it was our gift to be in the presence of such thoughtful and gifted leaders and to be a small part of helping them achieve their vision.

this is my first attempt at putting any of this into words. i will keep writing when i have time and space. for now babies are crying which means i am back in reality and i have to go be a mom. and this makes me even more thankful that for those 7 days in haiti i got to be so much more than a mom for just a week.

honkey tonk eve

eve understandably loves son volt's 'tear stained eye' since the chorus mentions 'saint genevieve'. i love that she doesn't know the words to any songs on the radio but this one (and honkey tonk is probably only on the radio in austin!)

walking down the hallway at church this morning, jen hatmaker held my arm to stop me and said 'i really want to hear about your trip to haiti'. i gave her probably the most honest answer i've given anyone so far and just told her i haven't even really talked to my sister about it. that the whole experience seemed too big still. that it would be somehow not fair to dumb it down into words.

she smiled and said 'that makes total sense. just keep experiencing it'.

and i am.

i'm so thankful in a million ways for our life and the treasure of this awakening we are experiencing as a family and as a couple. i hope for so much i feel like i can't even wrap my mind around it. so i am choosing to do my best to press in to God in these moments and stay near to Him and keep my heart open and listening.

it is funny the things that made me sad as a mom as my kiddos got older. for some reason, the sharp i-teeth were a hard step for me. there is something about those teeth that make a baby look so much more grown up to me.

it made me so sad each time lily and eve got those teeth. it is a natural progression from the adorable two teeth on bottom first and so on for almost all kiddos. not for annie! it is as if she knew how to make something so small into a new and fun part of motherhood instead of something else to dread about them growing up.

enter my snaggle tooth. girlfriend got all her teeth in the most bizarre and abnormal pattern and you never know which one will break through the gums next. i admit i love her snaggly smile so much. i have tried without success to capture it in the past but i just love this snapshot of her in the bath showing her wonky teeth off with pride!

2012 has been a banner year so far for the b family. we ended 2011 on a good note, leaving behind one of the hardest years so far for our little family. we had more stress than we have experienced before- a new baby, two self-owned businesses, new convictions and callings to process. it was a lot and really, even though we made efforts to live & serve outside of our nuclear family we were mostly serving in an insular fashion.

this year we have committed to change that. heading to haiti together was the first step in a direction i am really excited about. the amazing people we met and served in haiti were inspiring and we are going to continue serving one of the local leaders from austin. we have committed (along with some fabulous folks in our church community group) to raise the funds to build another home similar to the one we worked on during our trip.

the home we are funding is part of a focused initiative to prevent human trafficking on the Haiti/Dominican Republic border. we will build a cluster of homes that will be dedicated to the most vulnerable orphans. each home will cost $6,000 and we will sacrifice in several ways this year to fund the project. we are still figuring out the details, but ideas so far include cutting back on our grocery bill and donating the savings, having a garage sale, donating our birthdays, being sponsored for athletic events, etc. other ideas are appreciated!! :)

so as lent gets underway we are asking ourselves, what will we sacrifice? what is God asking us to do with our lives? who is he calling us to be?

no answers yet, but i am enjoying living within the questions for now.

photo highlights from our trip are on the bloom blog at - http://www.bloomaustin.com/blog/?p=2681

we are home. being with my loved ones here that i missed all week has been all too wonderful.

our trip was restorative. it was burdening.

i'm not sure i'm ready to talk/write about it yet. i'm trying. i will. i appreciate your patience :) in the meantime, you can see pictures (some that need explanation- to come i promise) at flikr - HERE... but consider yourself warned- there are almost 500 images.

and because words are seeming to fail me today, i will refer to a blog post from kisses from katie that says more than i can about how i feel about the trip right now.

someone asked me the other day, "really? is it really as great as you make it sound?i could never do that! are you really happy?" for all of you who wonder, this is my response.

you know what i want sometimes? to go to the mall and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a cute new pair of shoes. i want to sit on my kitchen counter chatting with my girlfriends and eat a whole carton of cookie dough ice cream. i want to watch grey's anatomy, or any tv for that matter. i want to cuddle with my sweet boyfriend. i want to hop in my cute car, go to the grocery store, and pick up any kind of produce i want. i want to wake up in a house with my loving family, not all by myself. i want to go to blockbuster and pick out a movie to watch with my little brother and his friends and i want to cook for them at midnight. i want to spend mindless hours with my best friends talking about boys and fashion and school and life. i want to go to the gym. i want my hair to look nice. i want to wear cut off jean shorts. i want to be a normal teenager living in america. i do.

but. you know what i want more? ALL the time? i want to be spiritually and emotionally filled every day of my life. i want to be loved and cuddled by100 children and never go a day without laughing. i want to wake up to a rooster, my two africa dogs, and a splendid view of the nile river. i want to be challenged endlessly; i want to be learning and growing every minute. i want to be taught by those i teach. i want to share God's love with people who otherwise might not know it. i want to work so hard that i end every day filthy and too tired to move. i want to feel needed, important, used by the Lord. i want to make a differnce and i want to follow the calling that God has planted deep in my heart. i want to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath, each second. i want to be here. right here.

moon. where do i even begin? my siblings and i have been emailing this afternoon with classic lines my dad used to ALWAYS say to us as kids. these include but are not limited to:

'now say that back to me, what did i just tell you'
'i don't know isn't an answer. you DO know'
'look at me when i'm talking to you'
'just so we're clear let me say that back to you so that i understand what you're saying'
and so so many more.

despite his somewhat *achem* unorthodox parenting skills, we really are three very lucky kids. one of the things that stands out most about my dad is the way he loves my mom. you'd be hard pressed to find two people that are more different but so compatible at the same time. i remember his notes on her bathroom counter in the morning (always on index cards) and the way he made sure respecting her was our #1 priority as a family.

i can't wait until the day my kids torture me over email with all the ridiculous lines they tired of hearing as kids. because that will mean i did a pretty good job or they were at least listening at some point.

i'm having a thankful day. i started the day with an update from a friend whose little one year-old was in the hospital last night due to dehydration. i was already starting off thinking of how lucky we are to live in a country where we have access to such amazing resources. discussions of the messed up nature of our healthcare system aside, if my kids are in major trouble, there are doctors with clean buildings full of modern medicine just a few minutes away. that is pretty amazing.

then our housekeeper showed up. oh maria how i love you, let me count the ways. she has been cleaning our house for nearly 4 years and we appreciate her so much. as soon as we said hello she told me in the most excited voice about how she filled out her citizenship paperwork this weekend. there were volunteers at a local high school helping her through the process and she had a huge smile on her face telling me about it.

what an exciting prospect for her. i have thought about it all day. we are just really really lucky.

kevin and i are leaving on friday for our week voluteering in haiti. i am most looking forward to spending time with the orphans that our church sponsors and giving our 11 year old michel, who we have been sponsoring since she was 8, a big big hug.

i have a feeling we will return feeling even luckier than ever.

good gravy this house selling business is no fun. you also don't realize how smelly your old dog is until every stranger that comes into your house mentions it. sheesh.

we have had about 25 scheduled showings and so far, no dice! we are being as patient as two parents of 3 babes keeping our house spotless at all times can possibly be. (which is to say not nearly as patient as we could be)

in more hilarious news my dad now owns and iphone and is texting. so far he has sent a photo of his dogs via text message and is cracking me up asking if his texts were 'tweeting'. (which i find particularly hilarious since this was intended as a joke and i was simultaneously amused and proud of him for making an accurate technology joke). i'm just happy to know i can now stay close to my phone for all the breaking news in possum kingdom deer blinds and whataburger drive thrus.

things in life are so rarely black and white. no matter how much easier it would be if they were- they aren't. so anytime i come across anyone who is 100% for or against something i will admit i give them a bit of a raised eyebrow. surely there is some gray area in there somewhere.

i realize we often have to sweep the gray under the rug to move forward with conviction and consensus, but you can at least admit the gray exists.

i am proud to say that i have facebook 'friends' on both sides of pretty much every political spectrum and issue. i have the (un)lucky position of seeing my conservative friends high five each other while my liberal friends lament a policy change and vice versa. i'm sure this does not make me unique but being someone who often sits in the middle, i am sometimes surprised by whose responses rub me the wrong way.

in a somewhat similar light, i picked up a copy of 'when helping hurts' last night. we leave for haiti in just 7 days and i feel incredibly unprepared. reading this is a sobering realization that 'doing good' doesn't always fare so well for those left behind. again, it isn't black and white. there is a lot of gray.

at least on facebook i can 'hide' a feed that puts opinions in my face that i would rather not see. i have a feeling what we see in haiti will stay in the forefronts of our minds for a long time to come.

standard disclaimer to ignore my obnoxious voice, but annie is just too cute to not share. here is her 'evil' laugh!

home buying and selling is such a rollercoaster. i'm in it for the ride and trying not to white-knuckle my way through this and instead throw up my hands and see what happens :)

in the meantime, if you know anyone buying in south austin, i really can't say enough amazing things about our neighbors and the awesome park and our cozy home :)

http://www.redfin.com/TX/Austin/5005-Scottish-Thistle-Dr-78739/home/31795026

we had 12 showings this weekend, one contract that fell through and i'm starting monday hopeful but realistic :) if we don't have a buyer in the next few days we will likely have to pull it from the market until after our haiti trip (which was our plan in the first place before we fell for a house we'd love to buy now... but its not in our hands at this point!)

good gracious. just when i was getting over the fact that the neighborhood i live in is possibly killing my favorite place in the world (barton springs), a friend sends me THIS link.

i'll save you the trouble and copy and paste the description of a show taped by ABC in 2005 that never aired (thank goodness).

"Welcome to the Neighborhood"

Welcome to the Neighborhood is an American reality television series produced in 2005 by ABC that was notable for the amount of controversy it garnered before it was aired. It subsequently became one of the few American TV series to be cancelled before airing a single episode.

The show was a contest to win a lush dream home in an exclusive cul-de-sac in Circle C Ranch in Austin, Texas. The catch is that the local families decide who will win, and while they are all conservative, white, upper-class Christians, all the contestants are not.

.... yikes. perhaps we should widen our home search :)

needles and i have a checkered past. and not in the 'illegal drug use' kind of way. i haven't had a shot of any kind since i was 13. it sticks out in my mind clear as day.

in 7th grade a classmate showed up at school with measles, which meant everyone (yes all of us) had to get an MMR booster. well they set up all the nurses on the school auditorium stage and all of the classes sat in the theater seats until it was our turn and we walked across the stage like cattle waiting for our shot. at first i tried getting at the back of the line a few times. when it became clear i was still going to eventually make it to the front, i threw my permission slip in the trash.

my mom saw right through my 'lost' permission slip shenanigans and had to bring me back up after school to get my shot. i sat on her lap and cried like a baby while it was administered. i remember her exasperation with me very clearly and all i could think was 'see THIS is what i didn't want my classmates to see!'

so you see, i've never had a flu shot. i am not immune to chicken pox and instead of getting that vaccine i keep getting pregnant (because if you're pregnant you can't get the shot). and i even have all 4 wisdom teeth still.

cue yesterdays' appointment at the travel clinic for our trip to haiti. maybe the sweetest nurse in town works at the travel clinic- she was equal parts kind and encouraging and having kevin with me was nice as well. the 4 shots truly didn't even hurt on their way in. my arm afterwards is another story...

the nurse told us to be active- movement will help lessen the soreness. she even mentioned lifting weights. well i took that to mean kickboxing was fair game. i may have overshot. i showed up today and after just 30 minutes of looking like perhaps i didn't have full control over the use of my left arm, i gave up and packed it in.

hopefully tomorrow my arm will be back in business. and i will continue to block out the fact that i still have to go back for a 2nd hepatitis and chicken pox shot in a few months.

sorry if things have seemed heavy around here lately. i probably should have inserted a story or two with poopy diapers as the protagonist to even things out but honestly my life has seemed heavy lately. lots of things are heavy on my heart.

it is right that my heart should be broken for the the broken things of this world. myself included. but today i took a big deep breath and realized it isn't my problem to solve. i can certainly choose to be part of the solution but it is not MY problem. i see that being a part of the blessing of reconciliation is a gift and i can choose to participate and be doubly blessed in the process.

God's blessings are abundant and i am called to share, give, serve, love and pray. believe.

whew. it may seem so simple to you, but to me it is a weight off my shoulders.

i certainly don't agree with everything he says, but the overall sentiment is moving...



if grace is water, the church should be an ocean.

instead of listening to me today, i recommend you read the first post from one of my fellow 7 council members.

elizabeth, mayor of elizabethtown

or perhaps the author's own blog post about the book.

jen, an experimental mutiny

okay, it has to come up sooner or later and really i'd love another place to complain... i mean talk about it :) i posted a link to the book i just read, 7 by jen hatmaker. jen and her husband brandon lead our church here in austin (ANC, love it) and i have read a few of jen's other books. i have been anxiously awaiting this one for over a year- ever since i read my friend susanna's blog that inspired the book.

let's talk about me being crazy for a minute. i'm not what you might call a traditional learner. i can read a fabulous book about parenting with amazing insight in the morning and by mid-day i'm yelling at my kids ripping my hair out. i just learn better by action.

so the general idea is, we live in the land of plenty right? well maybe plenty as i experience it is just too darn much. i'm cutting back in the spirit of a fast. i'll be eating 7 foods for 30 days. i'm two days in and gosh i really don't know that i will make it. i like food. i love food. i like cooking. i love filling my house with the aroma of dinner. i like filling my belly with chocolate.

it is an experiment. the book is jen's telling of her own experience- not an instruction manual, but an account of reducing 7 areas of her life for 7 months. i just so happened to want to try out this first month, reducing food. reducing the variety, quantity, obsession, costs, and time it takes in my life. what will take its place? so far prayer. and you never know where that's gonna lead... :)

those of you reading the blog for a long time may remember my old tradition of jumping in barton springs every new year's day. well i missed last year (silly me being lazy with a 3 week old baby) and this year i decided to add an accomplice.

lily shrieked when i came into her room during naps to ask if she wanted to go swimming. she was on board immediately and donned her pink ruffled tutu suit within a minute flat. we drove to the springs and she was just plain giddy the whole way there.

we stood at the edge of the water for a minute or two and she threatened to jump in without me if i didn't get my act together and just JUMP ALREADY!

i let out a yelp and jumped in with both feet, came up howling a little and she jumped right in on top of me. when the cold water hit her, lily's initial reaction was to attempt to crawl on top of my head to get out of the water completely. needless to say, there were many people watching us and laughing behind their sunglasses.

after i got lily to relax she realized the water was about the same temperature as the air had been and she started having a blast. i told her she was now an elite member of the polar bear club and she called out 'this is AWESOME!'. a random bearded guy (keep austin weird, right?) yelled to her 'happy new year little pinkey!' she yelled back something that sounded like 'shing ying hao!' (i have no idea what this means or where she learned it.)

that is us, post dip. all in all, we got in about four times. lily would have swam all day if i had been up for it. but man it was COLD! she tried to guilt me into getting back in by saying my sister (auntie e) would have been in the water with her longer.


of course i shouldn't have expected any less from the girl who swam in the springs at 18 months old in january with her e and had this expression plastered on her face the whole time:




it was a gorgeous day today but a bit windy. after i coaxed her out of the water we sat in the sun getting warm again wrapped in towels. she crawled into my lap and i said 'happy new year lil' and she said 'happy new year mom. this was ten and one miles of fun!'

i'm pretty sure i'm not funny anymore. lately all my posts seem pretty serious and people stop commenting and interacting when you're not making them laugh.

well i can promise you we laugh a lot around here. heck if we weren't laughing we'd be crying, right? kevin commented in bed last night as we watched the ball drop (in new york. we were both well on our way to dreamland before it was midnight in our time zone) that 2011 was the hardest year he has ever experienced. with a newborn and the struggles of a newly born business, we both just did our best to keep afloat. it wasn't always easy.

in 2011 i yelled more than i wanted to, i wasted too much time, i squandered far too many precious moments worrying about something else. my youngest baby is a toddler now, her first year is behind her.

i'm not much of a resolutions girl. in fact i regularly lament from january to march about resolution gym-goers and how they take my spot in class just to disappear in a few weeks. bah-humbug much?! this year my resolutions are short but a tall order.

be intentional.
simplify.
focus.
enjoy.

that's it. do things for a reason. let other things fall away. find joy where i am.

happy 2012 to you and yours. may this be the best year any of us could imagine.

i am finishing up the year sick as a dog but the good news is, i actually finished up organizing my personal pictures from 2011! i uploaded the few pictures i took on christmas and our trip up to dallas to visit family.

here is our tree anxiously awaiting the little ones. each had three presents waiting for her!


i felt a little intimidated by the pictures on facebook of trees dwarfed by their stacks of presents but we stuck to our guns and the girls each got a scooter, a doll and a new pair of shoes! of course when we went to dallas the presents got a little out of control, but we are taking baby steps :)

you can see more of the pictures from our celebrations HERE

the gluttony of the past week and a half. i have no words to describe it. tonight i topped it off with queso (and guac) and ravioli with gorgonzola and walnuts covered in chipotle cream sauce accompanied by two frozen margaritas with salt*... i have left nothing on the table. i am spent. my body is already feeling sorry for these choices.

and yet my challenge starts in just 2 days. SEVEN. 7 foods for a month.

almond milk
bananas
berries
pasta
tomatoes
beans
cheese
reducing one area of my life (food) to make room for another. it is ON. let's see what happens.

and of course there is a bottle of prosecco chilling in the fridge for celebrating 2012 before any of this actually begins :)

* i had a designated driver, thanks ALI! :)

light one candle for peace. one bright candle for peace.

the last advent candle is lit. advent is over. advent means 'waiting on the arrival of something important'. that is putting it lightly, don't you think?

as we sang a mix of christmas carols and modern songs a few lyrics stuck out to me. i was actually crying, which frankly isn't unusual these days. my emotions seem to run high lately.

our journey of redemption begins with a baby born into the humblest of circumstances.

listening to the bible story of jesus' birth for the millionth time a new thing stood out to me today. it says 'But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.' oh who among us with a newborn hasn't spent time pondering things in her heart. running back over the way others love your baby and the little sweet moments of the day. i love to think of mary as a new first time mom enjoying the way her sweet baby smells and coo's and the adoring look on everyone's face meeting him for the first time.

he brings peace to every heart. he comes. he comes.

merry christmas eve eve. we have our church service tonight and i am excited! a few years ago the 23rd meant one thing and one thing only. donovan fiesta.

the fiesta was born on mockingbird lane in dallas and consisted of my mom's famous iced sugar cookies (and no, you have no idea how good an iced sugar cookie can be until you have had one. they are legendary), a margarita machine, asundry paper mexican flowers, and a crockpot full of queso. it was always a time to visit with friends in the middle of winter break from school and it was ALWAYS a good time.

so many great stories and memories stem from the fiesta. boys came and went, but my girls were always constant! from jill's accidental phone call on the way home to arlington to my mom developing the film from her camera weeks after the fiesta to find pictures of me puking into the toilet late night, fiesta stories never cease to entertain.

the fiesta is still dearly missed and remembered by all who experienced it. kevin is still a little sad he never got to come since its last year was just before we met. he said the other day we should start it back up again, austin edition. maybe in a few years if i'm feeling brave :)

until then, rip fiesta. we loved you!

for those of you that like to keep up with my photography business, i have a new facebook page! please head to www.facebook.com/bloomaustin and 'like' my page to keep up with the latest news and images :)

i just downloaded the new live album recorded at our church benefiting our orphanage in haiti (that we are visiting in february!) and am struck by the words in the first song that strike me every time i hear it at church.

'distribute what we have. that all may taste and see'

easier said than done, right? what does that mean for us? ever feel like we've been missing the point?

i can't make this stuff up, y'all.

i just turned the corner into our playroom and this is the sight i see:

yes that is mary (lily) and joseph (eve) and baby jesus (dora). after i took this and laughed pretty hard about it, they showed me their entrance to bethlehem on a donkey (rocking horse). in their version they mostly stumbled upon a baby and named it jesus. anyone want to school lily on childbirth? haha

lily is also talking in pseudo 'bible' talk saying things like 'and there were no toys in the inn for the baby to play with. and some were broughten to him by the three kings and all was perfect.' then her story really jumps the shark with a little 'and there were no cupcakes and the animals in the manger shared their cupcakes to celebrate the birthday'. goodness i love these girls.

i just rocked my baby to sleep. between 'hushhhh'es and singing there were some tears. mostly mine :) i hate that she has diaper rash right now, but i love that it meant she needed extra cuddles tonight.

sweet annie, you are one. my big one year-old girl. from the moment you took our family from an ellipses to an exclamation point i knew you were special. the joy you bring to everyone who crosses your path (save your sisters when trying to build a block tower that you are content to dismantle) is a blessing to be able to share with the world.

what an honor to have you as my daughter, my baby. i am also the youngest of three, my mom's baby. oh i never understood why she would pull me into her lap when i was over 5 feet tall and call me 'baby' and talk about how my bottom used to fit into the palm of her hand, but girl get ready for it. it is my turn.

your year has been a crazy one for this family and without you none of it would have been the same. our trip to the beach without your eyes of wonder? the christmas lights without your amazed stare? our late night guitar sessions without your bouncing dance? none of it would have been complete without annie.

you love dogs more than any other child we have had. you have finally (we hope) stopped spitting up 10x a day. you snuggle your doggy lovie blanket every night in your crib and you always ALWAYS wake up happy. you love fruit more than any other food and your first taste of cake at your party was a success.

thank you for my head 'bonks' every night. for your drooly giggly smile after you bonk me. thank you for your patience with your stretched thin mommy. thank you for loving your sisters and making it so easy for them to love you in return.

i love you annie.

as the father sent me, so i send you.
john 20:21

we are being sent. as matthew hansen said this morning at church, we need to be love to people who need love. it isn't a checklist. sitting around feeling like we are being good 'do'ers while forgetting its about 'be'ing isn't doing anyone any favors. i want to BE. i'm working on it.

things feel exciting but unsettled right now and i'm not so good at unsettled. i get what my sister and i refer to as 'the pit'. the pit is that feeling in your stomach when something just isn't right.

in the midst of other changes and the chaos that is life these days, my annie is turning one on tuesday. say it ain't so. the joy of my life is almost 365 days old. despite the craziness that having a third child has brought to our family (a friend once referred to the third child as 'sinking the family battleship')... i wouldn't trade susanna kathleen for the world. not for a single moment of peace and quiet. not for an easier trip to the grocery store. not for a hip suv instead of a minivan. nope. not a chance. she is ours, all ours and i thank God for her every step of the way.

lots of pictures to come this week hopefully!

the holidays are upon us and everything that drives me crazy internally all year long seems to come to a head during the month of december. my pastor's wife wrote a blog post about their approach to the holidays i found particularly inspiring and centered me on the issue.

and what strikes me about the approach is- it is an approach to life. year round. its not a special month of giving or a certain time of year to get involved in service. it is a lifestyle because that is who and what we are called to be.

this year i'm hoping to find little ways to change. small steps in the right direction. i honestly wanted to take a giant leap a few weeks ago but got paralyzed by the thoughts of the eye rolls when we told family we won't be doing gifts or the internal conflict of wanting my own traditions regardless of whether or not they really celebrate christ.

next year prepare yourself to give me a giant eye roll and i will prepare myself to not care what anyone else thinks.

30 days of thankfulness is complete. for posterity, here was the list :)

#30- i am thankful for the past month of focusing on gratitude and now i'm ready to celebrate jesus' birth!

#29- i am thankful that my girls and i apologize to each other. they know mommy isn't perfect and when i apologize to them, i'm thankful they always say 'mommy i forgive you'

#28- i'm thankful for christmas music that helps me get in the holiday mood when its a balmy 74 degrees outside

#27- i'm thankful for my in-laws. they are wonderful loving people that enjoy the heck out of my kids (and vice versa)

#26- i'm thankful for my kids' preschool. they love their teachers, i love two mornings a week to get things accomplished!

#25- i'm thankful for my family- my parents, my sister and brother and all they entail. what a blessing it has been to be a donovan.

#24- i'm thankful for fabulous pre-made thanksgiving foods that save me from slaving in the kitchen all day when only one of the 5 of us cares much for turkey.

#23- i'm thankful to be at a point physically where i look in the mirror and see a familiar person looking back at me.

#22- i'm thankful for the simplicity and intricacy of a child's mind. explaining something complicated to a child is a difficult and wonderful thing.

#21- i'm thankful i went to baylor and met the great friends that i have been so lucky to know for the past 15 years

#20- i'm thankful for austin new church. i really can't believe how lucky we are to be a part of something inspirational that is changing lives- including mine.

#19- i am thankful for cozy beds and a good night's sleep

#18- i am thankful for music and how it transports you. especially thankful right now for the holiday variety- i can't wait for a month of nostalgic christmas tunes!

#17- i am thankful for access to healthy, fresh, affordable food. our family eats such great vegetarian variety and we consider ourselves lucky.

#16- i am thankful for our amazing teachers at mother's day out preschool. seeing amazing teachers loving your kids and your kids so excited about school days is a blessing.

#15- i am thankful for parents that made my childhood so special and now dote on their grandkids

#14- i am thankful for the look of excitement on lily's face when i told her i will be helping in her class for the thanksgiving feast

#13- i am thankful that the hardest parts of being a parent serve to only make me stronger, more aware, and more compassionate. in hindsight, of course ;)

#12- i am thankful for my husband. i know i already said this earlier in the week but i am. its worth saying twice.

#11- i am thankful for late night calls from familiar voices

#10- i am thankful for neighbors that enjoy really living life together!

#9- i am thankful for my girls' cousins. i didn't get to grow up being super close to my extended family and watching their love of their cousins grow is such a joy.

#8- i am more thankful than i can say for the partnership of my amazing husband. the way he supports me, cheers me on, and loves me changes my life on a daily basis.

#7- i am thankful for the way little minds think. they make me laugh more times a day than i can count.

#6- i am thankful for nyquil. the stuffy head, i'm so freaking tired and this cough is keeping me awake medicine.

#5- i am thankful that my kids show me the best of who i am and the worst of who i am. it is humbling and inspiring all at once.

#4- i am thankful for the childcare workers at our gym. they have known my kids for 4 years and i cherish my active time knowing my littles are well looked after.

#3- i am thankful that just when i think i know what to expect, there is a bend in the road and life changes again. it keeps me on my toes and on my knees.

#2- i am thankful for moments of quiet. the less often they happen, the more precious they become.

#1- i am thankful for the cold air in my lungs waking me up during my morning run

i'm not a sports watcher. it would be a stretch to say that i have even really watched sports in the past few years. i watched bits and pieces of a few rangers games and watched some of the NBA playoffs last year. we watch next to no professional football. if asked i probably will have no idea who is playing in the super bowl and i don't care enough about commercials to watch for their sake. i often joke that if it weren't for facebook updates, i would have no idea when games are being played.

on the other hand, i love playing sports. we were pretty serious about it when i was a kid. i played pretty much any sport i was half interested in, and some i wasn't interested in at all. (my mom loves to reenact me as a 4 year old running down the soccer field feigning a stitch in my side trying to get the coach to take me out of the game). intramurals in college are still some of my favorite memories of all time.

every once in a while i start to wonder why i don't watch more sports... then i am reminded. i sat down this past weekend to watch the baylor v ou game at my parents' house. (they are definitely sports fans. my mom still checks in the paper every saturday to see if my old high school won their friday night football game).

within an hour i was anxious, screaming at the tv, convinced the bears were going to let me down like they have 4 gazillion times in the past. at one point i yelled so loud i was worried i might have woken up all 3 girls. then it hit me- this is why i don't watch sports. i can't handle it! i get WAY too invested and i am a terrible loser. so really i'm just saving myself and my family the trouble of having to deal with the insanity that would be me as a sports fan.

i will say, that was a great game and what a treat to get to see those boys so so proud of themselves after the win. i'm sure i'll get over my sports issues by the time the girls are in high school... right?

lily and i had a conversation at bedtime that went a little something like this...
i'm writing it down because i never want to forget these moments.

me: lily do you know why we celebrate christmas?
lily: because its happy!
me: what is happy?
lily: its happy birthday to jesus!
me: that's right!! its jesus' birthday! do you know why i think jesus' birthday is so important to celebrate?
lily: because it is happy?
me: it is! it is happy. do you know why jesus is so special to me?
lily: because he is good.
me: yes, he is good. he was an amazing teacher.
lily: he taught us to be nice and not lie.
me: you're right! he sure did. he was God's son. do you know why he was born?
lily: noooooo
me: because God wants to be close to you. and sometimes we do things like lie or don't share and jesus came to help us be close to God even when we aren't good.
lily: i was good today! i shared!
me: you sure did! you did a great job of sharing today. you were very nice.
lily: sharks aren't nice.
me: you're right, sharks aren't always nice.
lily: can we never go to the beach again? what if a shark eats me?
me: i will do my best to not let a shark eat you.
lily: can we pray now? let's tell jesus happy almost birthday.
me: yes. we can pray now. i love you lily. more than you'll ever know. let's pray.

what i love about this video is two-part. first, of course my sweet annie learning a new skill is always so exciting. second, the squealing high-pitched cheers of the proudest big sisters around. in case you can't tell their voices apart it goes a little like this:

lily: yay! she's standing all by herself now!
eve: yay, annie!!!
lily: oh annie!!!
eve: can she do it again daddy?!
lily: she can walk by herself mommy!

it is all fun and games until someone starts crying...

the rest of us quite enjoyed playing in the rain today :)

eve is a wild spirit. everyone that spends time with her at some point comments on how she has her own ideas about things- i like to say she has her own drummer and follows her own beat. (a very very slow beat, but that is another story alltogether).

she reminds me of.... me. i will have to ask my mom if her quirkiness is inherited from that young an age, but dad refers to me as the 'artsy fartsy' one so it comes from somewhere!

being different is something i cherish about all my kids- the things that make them unique are the things that make them who they are. it is so amazing to see each aspect of all 3 of them grow, change, and differentiate them from their peers and sisters. at the same time, as a kid being different can feel scary. at least it did to me. i definitely didn't always embrace the things that made me different.

choosing a unique voice from the pack has felt isolating to me in the past. i am sometimes afraid to say what i think or have a dissenting opinion because it does set you apart. and when you put your value in what others say or think about you, conforming is a pretty big deal. i didn't really want to be different.

lately that is changing for me. being set apart sounds... exciting. for the first time, choosing to do something different seems to be bonding me to people that really matter in my life instead of caring what 'the pack' thinks. i am anxious and excited for the upcoming year. i feel that life is changing and for once, that doesn't seem scary to me anymore. it seems invigorating.

my value isn't in what other people think and life is too short to put much stock in mass appeal :)

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.
- Edward Everett Hale

our day so far:

sometimes you need a little sweetness to get through the rest of the junk...