i can't tell you how many times i have cried today. at least 5? just a rough estimate. tears of frustration, of laughter, of fear, of love. i just keep crying.
the latest episode was putting lily down for bed. kevin was holding lily and she had her sweet head on his shoulder and we were in a 3-way hug and the tears started rolling down my cheeks again. i just love her so much and i have so many emotions running around in my heart that they are oozing their way out my eyes.
i feel so proud of her and yet i worry about how she will handle so much change. i know she is going to amaze me (as always) but still my protective side wants to keep her from any confusion or fear that she may have tomorrow and in the days and weeks to come.
i am afraid for myself. everything is changing... right when i felt like i was getting the hang of things. nothing like throwing a wrench in a adequately working set of gears, huh? :)
i think one aspect of my concern for lily is that i don't know how to help her be a big sister. i'm NOT a big sister- i don't know what that feels like or how those struggles can and will change her. i do know she has a fabulous big sister role-model in auntie e, and this will be just another way that their relationship becomes something that i value, respect, and am a teeny tiny bit jealous of.
i'm sure my posts for the next few days will be far more hopeful and lovey dovey than this as i meet and fall in love with my new sweet child and see lily embrace the role of big sister, but for tonight, i'm just plain scared.
11 comments:
De-lurking to say good luck tomorrow! Everything will work out just fine and I am sure Lily will love being a big sister!
I will be praying for you tomorrow! Lily will be a great big sister. When Maddie came along, I gave my older two special jobs that only they could do because they were so big. I let Masy pick from three sets of clothes for Maddie most days and Anna was in charge of the pacifier. Maybe that will help
cristi
I completely understand all of those emotions. You and your family will handle it beautifully. I can't wait to see the new baby and all of the beautiful photos and stories that will come.
Lots of hugs and prayers, mollie! I am sure everything will be fine tomorrow and lily will be an amazing big sister. I can imagine what you're going through, and I think you're a great mom for caring so much.
Good luck Mollie! My prayers are with you and with Lily as she becomes a big sister!!
we're thinking of you mollie and knowing this will all work itself out beautifully! and i AM a big sister, and believe me when i say that i was less than thrilled about my sister's arrival. i actually asked when the baby was going back a few days into her homecoming. but i got myself on board and became a little helper to my mama. i'm sure lily will be a GREAT big sister. and i'm looking forward to great pictures of them both!
You are such a good mom! It will be much easier than you think and Lily will just adore the newest addition. Good luck! I can't wait to find out what it is :)
Good luck today!!! So eager to see updates here and on MC!! I understand all your emotions!!! Best wishes!!
mollie - i cried reading your post. i am having similar frustrations, sadness, anxiety, everything. i will be thinking of you all today and will certainly be reading your posts over the next two weeks (while i wait for sydney) to find out how absolutely wonderful and beautiful this all turns out.
Having the 2nd is amazing...the interaction of the the two together will bring tears to your eyes, and the love that Lily will have for her sibling is intense (and so are the fights :) too). I followed you with Lily on thenest (ktboo), my dd was born a few days after her. I follow your blog now, you are an amazing mom from what I can tell and you are not alone in these feelings!!! Its more fun than you can imagine! I wish you much luck today, and lift you up in my prayers. Happy Birhtday baby!
i could have written this post myself...and i have tears rolling down my cheeks as i type this. but mollie, you are a great mother and lily is such a good little girl...she is going to love being a big sister! everything will work out just fine...you'll see! :)
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