security is a tricky thing. the false sense of it is normally all we really need- even when we know it is false somehow it can be enough.
i have always been a scaredy cat. haunted houses and the like are my kryptonite. i am 34 and sometimes still want to sleep with a light on. but to my kiddos, i'm 'mom' and i am their sense of security (false or otherwise). they don't know most of the time the noise that spooked them had me sweating too.
kevin has been out of town this week and i find myself in our new(ish) house alone for the first time. it isn't a small place and its pretty dark out here in the sticks where there are few street lamps. our fierce looking dog is beyond deaf and offers little in the way of protection these days.
i've been dealing with the girls' fears this week on my own. afraid of the dark. afraid to go upstairs alone. bad dreams. and it has had me questioning and thinking a lot about fear and security. i heard a speaker just this past week talking about the problem of having too many comforts means we don't really have to rely on anything outside of ourselves for security.
i just did my final rounds of peeking in on the girls before i retire for the night. i went and pulled lily's covers around her and gave her a kiss. it roused her enough that she fluttered her eyes open and said 'goodnight mama'. i said 'i love you' and she replied in a dreamy sleep voice with something i have never heard her say...
lily: where's the ipad? me: its dead. you killed it, remember? lily: but i killed your laptop and it came back to life
me: yes because i paid for it. it was three hundred dollars. the
ipad would be two fifty to fix. you have two hundred and fifty dollars? lily: i'll pay for it. i'll save it in my piggy bank me: good luck. i'll make a genius bar appointment for three years from now. lily: yeah... piggy probably wont cut it. i'm gonna need some of that money that's green.
i have a confession. my name is mollie and i think i've become a winker. i know, i know, who AM i? what is going on here?
i am really not sure but i have caught myself in the past few weeks winking at people at least 3 times. thankfully two of those times were to little kids who probably just thought i was some weird lady. is there a cure for this ailment? please tell me this is temporary...