people, let it be known that my husband is very very particular about his jeans. i tried to edit the video of evidence but you can't really hear him anyway. darnit.
the sad part is, i am just now getting through the boxes of clothes that were returned to us after being on loan to my sister's twins and there is so much stuff and so little time that i finally found the box of my favorite newborn clothes that my girls wore and its too late. they are too small already to fit my growing susanna.
in a futile fashion i scooped them up and breathed in, but they only smelled like cardboard box. their moments to cuddle newborn skin and get swaddled up have passed. i pulled out the very first piece of newborn clothing i ever bought. in fact it was a gown i bought and gave to kevin to tell him we were pregnant with lily. i found the white footed pajamas made of the softest cotton i've ever felt that lily wore the day we came home from the hospital (once we changed her out of some ridiculous dress). i found the gown covered in moons and stars that eve, my 'little star', wore home from the hospital.
it really isn't about the clothes and contrary to most men's fears, it really isn't even about wanting another child. it is a realization that i have held my last newborn. when i see a pregnant woman with her big round belly, i'll smile in a memory instead of in hopefulness or anticipation. it is a letting go of a whole phase of life that in a lot of ways we are more than happy to see end- but also brought us some of the happiest days of our life.
before you know it i'm going to be the woman in the checkout line at the grocery store asking how old your baby is and saying 'well my baby graduates from high school this year'. of course you have to take this with a grain of salt knowing it is from the girl who cried her eyes out about school ending every year. i've never handled change or 'endings' well.
someone asked me not too long ago, if money were no object how many children would you want to have? my response- as many as i could fit into my house that wanted to be there! i'm not entirely convinced we're done becoming parents but i am quite sure we are done making babies. so with open arms and a happy heart full of the most wonderful memories i will keep packing up the tiniest clothes that my girls surely never were small enough to wear. and i will wait to see what God has for us next.
this week the girls and i made our first trip to dallas to see friends and take advantage of my mom's spring break for some good visiting time. lily and eve shared a room for the first time and actually did way better than i had anticipated. yes, there were moments such as when i found lily poking eve's face saying 'wake uppppp' but those were trumped by listening to eve call out song requests and lily obliging with her out-of-tune toddler voice. all in all it was a big success.
eve hasn't been a big fan of bedtime lately and returning home tonight was no exception. after 5 minutes of her pathetic little 'row row boat?' pleading and whimpers if i made any sort of move towards the door, i asked if she wanted to sleep in lily's room. 'uh HUH uh HUH!!' was her response as she blew past me out the door and across the hall. i brought her mattress and laid it on the floor along with some ground rules for a very excited lily. after i shut the door my heart nearly burst when i heart 'goodnight eve!'.....'ni ni, lil'
i'm sure it will not be without its struggles but to know eve takes so much comfort in her sister's presence and that lily is pleased as punch to share her space makes me happy.
a few pictures from today. the swing set is starting to take shape in the backyard and kevin let them sit on what will soon be a tree house of sorts. just look at those (pudding covered) faces.
once they introduced me to a 5 year on-again off-again boyfriend whose presence in life i would have been better off without by all counts. last year i got knocked up.
fingers crossed for no life-changers today.
having kids has been a crazy trip so far, but getting to do 'firsts' with your litte ones really is the icing on the cake. today was lily and eve's first ferris wheel with daddy and their first merry-go-round with me. it was a fabulous day all around.
this weekend we also inherited a killer wooden swing/playset for our backyard via a friend of my sister's and that deserves a whole post of its own. i'll share more once its up in our backyard and i can get some pictures. trust me, you will need pictures to go along with this story.
and speaking of pictures- here are a few from today, more on flikr
for my own reasons, not through the prompting of the lent study, i also decided to cut out social internet use for these 40 days. i was on my way to meet my friend bonnie for dinner and started thinking about the past few days of not updating facebook. there have been several hilarious lily-isms, eve continues to blow my mind daily with her verbal explosion, and there are always cute pictures of my brood that i want to easily share.
i've either kept all of these things to myself, called a friend or family member to tell the tale, or sent an email with a shareworthy snapshot. but what struck me tonight was the thought that normally i think these everyday happenings are not only important to me, but in some way should be relevant or important to others. when really, there are so many more relevant or important things i would rather my friends consider other than my witty comment about child rearing.
fast forward to contemplating my lent story today and the subsequent suggestions on what to sacrifice this week. i read a few of them and thought 'but i'm nursing a baby! i can't nurse a baby and fast.' or 'but i'm barely getting any sleep as it is, i can't go without my pillow this week' and then i realized how much resistance i have created against the idea of being uncomfortable. as if worldly comfort is the ultimate goal.
so i sit here wondering at 5am (thanks to annie) why do i care what 600 facebook friends think about me? i should find my worth not in their valuation of me but in the simple fact that i am God's child. why do i think i will not survive for a week without everyday luxuries like pillows or socks? how ridiculous that the idea of being without such trivial items is such a shocking concept.
this turned into mostly rambling, but so far lent is kicking my butt.
i may or may not have attempted an 'american gothic' with them during annie's nap...
Ash Wednesday : A Franciscan Blessing
May God bless you with discomfort. Discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. Amen
May God bless you with anger. Anger at injustice, oppression and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. Amen
May God bless you with tears. Tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy. Amen
May God bless you with foolishness. Enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done. Amen
And the blessing of God, who creates, redeems and sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen
Join me in daily reflection this lent HERE
in sunnier news, the ice cream truck made its first appearance of the season today. we live on a park and are lucky that the truck comes by a few times a week whenever its warm outside. maybe i'm just nostalgic, but there's something about a drippy bombpop that just feels like childhood.
my girls were tortured as it spent about 20 minutes on the other side of the park fulfilling children's requests (and one pajama clad woman i can only guess was home sick). i wouldn't let them run across the park without me and annie was asleep inside the house. i had to promise to lily about 30 times that he wouldn't drive off without coming by our house and we flagged him down successfully!
as middle and eldest enjoyed their strawberry sno cones, tiny slept soundly inside and i started to look forward to summer even more.