5.31.2010

when lily was a baby, around a year to 18 months old i remember holding her so tight and wishing with my eyes squeezed shut that time would just slow down and give me more space to relish my amazing child. that i could slow her from changing too much and remember exactly who she was at each stage and grasp at the air to capture the essence of the moments to freeze time.

these days i feel like i would happily tap on the 'fast forward' button were one provided to me. there isn't a lot i feel like reveling in about lily refusing to eat her dinner, crying about being provided the wrong liquid in her cup (but i wanted MILK!!!! not water!!!!), and falling apart any time i leave the room to so much as change my shoes.

certainly some days are better than others, but here we are in the throes of the terrible twos and frankly, i'm over it. i'm having a really hard time finding joy in this situation and my patience typically begins to run thin around 9am.

on the other hand, there is my sweet eve who is beginning to talk (still adorably refuses to walk, preferring to be held), and whose love overwhelms me in so many ways. i know its not fair, but i feel like i am being robbed of the enjoyment of her by the phase that lily is in and honestly i am terrified that eve might ever be as frustrating to me as lily currently is.

throw in the concept of there being three children underfoot complaining about goodness knows what while i try to make them a healthy dinner that they will inevitably refuse to eat... and that about sums up my current outlook on things.

i want to be grateful for the privilege of having these three sweet angels in my care, not anxious. i want to be less easily frustrated by the inevitabilities of a nearly three-year-old's temperment. i want to let each of my children be exactly who they are and guide their character, not their personalities.

i just wish i knew how.

and so i start this day with a prayer for patience that i will likely repeat a hundred times or so.

Heavenly Father, You have dealt gently with Your children in love. You have been patient with me in my humanness and stubbornness.Lord, through the work of Your Spirit, prompt me to be more jubilant in hope, more patient in times of trouble, and more consistent in my prayer life. Teach me, Lord, to wait with faith and expectancy, and may my trials be seen as times for growth in grace. Through Christ our Lord, I pray. Amen.

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Romans 12:12

12 comments:

jenny said...

mollie - i could have written your post word for word (except that i'm not carrying #3!)... i am having such a hard, frustrating time with stella... and my sweet sydney is as adorable as can be. sometimes, it is so hard to stay patient and focused on the positive. just know that others out there are experiencing the same things.

Anonymous said...

Wait did I just write that post?? My son will be 3 in August while my little guy will be 1 in August. Lately he is the poster child for terrible twos- he spends more time in time out and continues the bad behavior while my little guy is sweet as can be, such a happy little baby. And I'm due with #3 in November and I feel the same way, how will I ever deal with 3? But people are telling me that they do grow out of it. So just know there are other mothers in your place and eventually things will better, or so I hope;)

Brandy said...

I just have to say, that your prayer and words are true for every age of child. With a 13 year old, a 10 yr old and a 7 yr old, patience does not exist at times and tempers flare from time to time. I can say, this too shall pass!!! Enjoy these times because I am already seeing that our babies grow up way, way too fast. Again, a great prayer for any season of your life. You are doing a great job as a Mama!!! Your family is very blessed because of you and I am blessed to call you a friend. Much love to you and your babies (and Kevin too). *HUGS*

kfranco said...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9

Katie said...

I think that every mother of a two year old is thinking "That is my life!" right now. I know I am. Thank you for being so honest, and for posting that prayer and verse. I will need to keep that close as I practice patience with my 2.5 year old.

Bonnie said...

You are an AMAZING mom, an AMAZING person and this too shall pass. Take a deep breath and don't be so hard on yourself. Your girls love you so much (as do the rest of us : )

KK said...

I'm so glad you posted this! (Athough I'm not glad you're feeling this!) I feel this way and I only have one boy who just turned a year! I read a lot of Mommy blogs and to be honest, I'm tired of so many Moms painting a perfect picture of only the good, happy times. I know I've posted this before, but you & your blog are so refreshing...and honest. What a great Mommy you are! :-)

edmo said...

I'm a little the opposite. I adore my 22 month old right now and think he's going through the best phase. I want to hold onto this so badly, and sometimes I (horribly) get annoyed at my 5 month old and feel like he's maybe not allowing me to appreciate my older one because he is always there, needing so much. I guess maybe it's normal to feel this way.

The Lunoff Adventures said...

Thank you for the patience prayer. I need it for more than just my almost 3 year old.

Rachel Shingleton @ Pencil Shavings said...

This is my life right now. Jude will be 3 in October and I am about to go insane. "MINE! NO! NOOOOOOOO! I WANT JUICE NOT MILK!" All these phrases are a regular part of my day and sometimes I just want to run screaming from the house. ::sigh:: Serenity now!!!

Erin said...

You write so beautifully. I enjoy your insight and the way you articulate it.

The Wife said...

I needed that. I am right there at the beginning of the terrible twos.