4.11.2012

kevin's version of packing his bedside table:
open box, move contents of drawers to box. close and label box.

my version of packing my bedside table:
open box, open drawer, make stack of all hair bands and miscellaneous earrings that have found their way into the top drawer. open book to the folded page and try to remember when i was reading it last. thumb through an issue of the discontinued 'domino' magazine and lament its untimely demise.

you see, this is why it takes me approximately 10x longer to pack anything than my husband and might just drive him a little bit crazy. it is also how i came to spend an hour on saturday reading my journal from 2003.

2003 was the best of times and the worst of times. 'a tale of two cities' had nothing on my life that year. what pulled me in when i casually thumbed open the spiral was how un-like me the writing sounded. how sad, distant, lost. i started wondering how i ever got to such a low point in my life and how absolutely broken i would be if one of my girls ever wrote the things i was reading.

i was in a terrible awful no good relationship and frankly it was a close call. i made it out by the skin of my teeth and within a year i was healthy again, training for triathlons, making new friends, moving into a positive living situation, and meeting my soul mate. reading it was fascinating and made me so thankful that God has a plan and that it was for me to prosper and not to harm me.

last night watching 'glee' i love love loved blaine's version of 'somebody that i used to know' and for the first time in a long time i feel like i could maybe possibly let go of the anger i have held onto in the back of my heart for the last 8 years. anger at myself mostly for getting myself into that place. letting go means i can see those choices as a part of how i got to be who i am now.

(and as i type this last sentence my children are dancing 'ballet' to the song linked above and i can't be anything but thankful.)

2 comments:

amy said...

We are big fans of that song at our house too! It's crazy how we grow in just a matter of a few short years, I feel like such a different person than i was a year ago or even 3 or 5 years ago but children tend to do that ;) Good luck on packing and the move!

The Writer Chic said...

Beautiful post, Mollie. We recently moved from TN to OH, and I had a couple revelation moments like yours, too, as I packed up things I hadn't looked at in years...