6.21.2011

you know, i started the day laughing about the whining and here i am mid-day and i just want to raise my white flag in surrender.

i don't know if i just ignore it better some days than others or if they really whine that much more on bad days, but i'm one step away from thrusting a kabob skewer in my ear so that i don't have to hear it anymore.

i'm not my usual cheery self today. i feel defeated and at the same time like i have failed my children. they deserve a mom who doesn't lose her patience with them and who finds joy in spending time with them. i am just not finding joy in being a mom today.

it breaks my heart to think that i am the best mom they are going to have. they just deserve better. maybe a better mom wouldn't have to hear such unhappiness all day long because she is making her children happy. i don't know. what i do know is that i'm tired of crying at naptime because i am exhausted and dreading the moment when they wake up.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think we ALL have these days. You are a great mom and your girls are very lucky to have you! Our kiddos are very very close in age and I am feeling the exact same way today. I finally got them down for a nap and I am just sitting here completely drained. I cannot even fathom digging into the big pile of dishes in the kitchen or the mounds of laundry collecting in the hallway. SIgh. I think we are all entitled to an off day. Here is hoping that tomorrow will be better.

The Writer Chic said...

Oh, Mollie. Been there, done that, pretty much an living it daily right along with you. Wish I had an answer for you, but instead I'll just tell you that I'll pray for you and your girls, right along with me and my two little ones, too.

Anonymous said...

Ah Mollie, God specifically chose you to be the mother of your girls, it's what's best for them and it's what's best for you. I have a 6 week old little girl who I cannot get to sleep in her crib, I feel so defeated most days but am reminded my identity isn't in being a mom, (thankfully, because I have already failed miserably in the past 6 weeks!) my identity is secure in christ so I needn't feel shame or guilt. Feelings of guilt & shame are from Satan. Conviction of sin, yes as being a mother is a tool to sanctify us as is marriage :) you are doing a ton with being a mom, wife, friend plus having a full time business. The business might need to stop for a while so you can correctly put priorities in place if your feeling overwhelmed. In the end Christ won't care about a successful photography business, he'll care if you raised and trained your daughters for the next generation of wives, mothers, women of Christ.

The Cul-de-Sac said...

Ditto. I found your blog because I'm also in Austin and have three girls almost the same ages. I could have written this exact post today, word for word. I take some solace believing that years from now, they won't likely remember these occasional days of exasperation, grumpiness, and impatience from their mom, and thanks to my extreme sleep deprivation, I likely won't remember them either. :)

Hang in there!

Lissa Michelle said...

i could have WRITTEN THIS today. i sooooooooooooo feel your pain. in fact i just prayer journaled begging for patience and love to be sent to me so that i can be the mom my kids deserve. prayers for us both today.

Anonymous said...

Only good mothers worry whether they are being "good mothers."

mollie said...

thanks a million guys. your comments and support have me in tears. which isn't the first time i've cried today :)

i really appreciate your insight and just knowing i'm not alone is helpful. i do wish i could stop working to focus a bit more, but that just isn't possible for our family right now. maybe one day, but while kevin builds his business i have my financial support to offer the family as well.

thanks for the comment love :)

Emily said...

I just saw your follow-up "things got better" post but still wanted to comment here. I am a long-time reader but this is my first comment. Your girls are lovely and from what I have seen/read, you are an amazing mother. Everyone has those days, weeks, sometimes months - myself included. We are doing our best for our children and that is all we can do. It doesn't make us worse mommies if we wish they'd nap longer or stop whining. ;) Only natural.

Unrelated note - your photos are GORGEOUS. That is how I found your blog and I am such a fan of your work. It inspires me as a wanna-be photographer. Keep it up!!

Cindy said...

Oh honey, I feel your pain. I have those days too. I love the comment that "only good mothers are worrying they are being good mothers." Those of us who follow you love ya. Sending prayers your way.