i thought we had until 2012, but apparently the rapture is saturday? at least those mayans gave me an extra 7 months. saturday seems awfully soon. i'm not ready but really would i be any more ready 7 months from now? i'll probably be busy planning a first birthday party and be distracted by christmas.
i think it is safe to say that if i'm afraid of anything, its death. not the dying part, the judgement part. so really a rapture doesn't solve much for me since it isn't the dying so much as the answering for myself that i'd like to skip.
there is a super cheesy song whose lyrics describe that moment as 'Will I dance for you Jesus, Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence, Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja, Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine'. i will just say that i can't imagine that moment, clearly. but when i try to i pretty much see myself as a blubbering crazy person who is apologizing profusely for largely being an asshole.
the other day i was reading a NY Times article about an artist living in west texas and i showed kevin the pictures of the house he has built and the gadgets he has invented to do things like wash laundry by riding on a bicycle- kevin asked 'so you want to go live off the grid now?' i laughed, but thinking about it later i thought definitively 'no way'. the last thing i want or need is to be even MORE focused on myself and secluded from others. being a mom of 3 under 4 is isolating enough.
it is my community that is keeping me afloat, headed in the right direction for that final day. not the ending, but the beginning. my sister keeps me sane. my friends keep me laughing. my church small group keeps me connected. my husband keeps me from running away. (haha, kidding... sort of). my husband keeps me feeling loved.
my kids.... my kids. my kids keep me close to God by creating situations where i need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. often. God bless 'em.
here's hoping these crazy people are wrong about tomorrow (and i am quite sure they are) but if they are right, i hope to see you there- hold my hand if you can. if they are wrong, maybe i can be in a place in 7 months of less fear. and while we are planning a better december, here's to a small first birthday party and a christmas full of spirit, not of credit card bills.